Something Else To Bitch About

It Could Be That The Purpose Of Your Life Is Only To Serve As A Warning To Others (Epic Fail edition)

2010-02-08T11:43:00.004-06:00

What I learned this weekend:

When disassembling a 3rd-generation iPod Nano for use in a homebrew marriage of iPod and amplifier...

...do NOT try to separate the logic board from the battery shield. I either torqued and damaged the logic board attempting this, or (more likely) it's an Apple design feature that the logic board be in contact with the shield for grounding or some such.

A better approach may* be to remove the battery from the shield, and Dremel the shield down a less-unwieldy size. Unless of course, there's some other Apple design feature that wants the battery in direct contact with the shield too... (note, I'm mounting this in a "heatsink" case, so I don't lack for places to mount the battery to deal with heat dissipation, once separate from the shield). Back to the intartubez for another broken iPod, I suppose.

*I have not actually tested this "better approach", so it's only potentially better at the moment.

FrankenPod (a/k/a GaragePod)

2010-01-28T08:32:00.007-06:00

What would you do with the following?

1 - 8GB iPod Nano (3rd-gen), broken

1 - iPod charging dock, with remote

1 - USB car charger

1 - Dayton DTA-2 T-amp module

Well, if you're me, and the ancient stereo receiver you've pressed into duty in your garage is starting to deteriorate, you think, "I have an idea!"

So you add:

2 - Dual Binding Post

1 - 2.1mm Panel-mount DC jack

1 - Penn-Elcom Heatsink Box

1 - Penn-Elcom Endplate (more on this in a minute)

1 - SPST Small Rocker Switch with Red Illumination 12VDC

1 - Round Red-Insert Control Knob

1 - Panel-mount USB A Female jack (scavenged from an old PC slot-mount USB pigtail, but Jameco carries it)

And you start to plan.

First off, I chose the heatsink box as an enclosure because it looks kinda rugged and cool. I only bought one endplate because I'm planning to use it as a template. Since this is destined to sit on the shelf in my garage and keep me company, I wanted it to have a kind of garage-y look to it, so my plan is to make at least the front plate (if not both) out of 1/4" wood stock. Of course, the binding posts are for the speakers, the DC jack is to accomodate a wall-wart for power, and the switch is for the power. Unlike the Podzuma and Cheapzuma, I'm not replacing the stock volume control, but I am planning to disable the on-off function of the stock pot, and put on a more attractive knob. I scrounged the USB jack from a motherboard-header-to-USB-A adapter that fits in a computer expansion slot, so it already had the wires broken out at the end of the cable.

You can't just use any old broken iPod for this. For that matter, it doesn't have to be broken, but broken ones are definitely cheaper on eBay. In this case, the iPod was broken in a very specific way: everything works except the clickwheel. It turns out that the connector between the logic board and the clickwheel had corroded (looked like moisture was the culprit). I tried replacing the clickwheel, but the tiny connector and ribbon cable were too small to clean effectively, so while I got it to work, it only ever worked intermittently. However, if you hook it to charging dock that has a remote control, it runs like a champ. This build will require me to remove the iPod innards from the original iPod case, so it's a good thing I don't have much invested in it.

You can generally find the sort of iPod dock I bought on eBay for a few dollars, like this one. Just search for "iPod dock remote" and a whole plethora of cheap crap out of China will pop up. Basically, what you're looking for (well, what I was looking for at any rate) is the USB charging/dock interface and the IR remote control. The nice thing about this one is that it boils down to two small circuit boards (each about 1/2" wide x 2" long), and if you were really desperate and/or skilled, you could get it down to one, since the second board is really just the breakout board for the ports.

Speaking of ports, I haven't decided yet if I'm going to make the video output available on the back panel of my rebox or not. Since it's a 3rd generate Nano, it will play video, but this is destined to be the stereo for my garage, and if I'm in the garage, I'm generally working, not watching video. On the other hand, knowing me like I do, this will probably see life beyond the garage at some point, so the output may come in handy.

Here's the notional block diagram for how everything should work. I'm planning to use the car charger as an easy way to get from the 12VDC that the T-Amp likes down to the 5VDC USB that the dock likes. Because I want to to be able to hook this to my computer and add new music from time to time, I'm going to extend the dock's USB jack to the back panel of the enclosure. I think that I can get away with just piggyback-splicing the external jack and the output of the charger to the input of the dock. I don't plan on using both connected at the same time (when it's in the garage, it'll be connected only to the power, when it's connected to the PC, the power cable will be unplugged) so as long as I keep the pinouts right, I should be good, particularly sincle I'm scavenging a bit of USB cable from the other jack on the surplus computer part. Beyond that, I'll short the power leads on the T-Amp's control umbilical to let the switch do its work, and probably just run a very short headphone patch cable from the iPod to the T-Amp and not fuss with desoldering and re-soldering the jacks.

Given that I've sourced the main components via eBay, I should consider calling this the PodBay, but then, I'd have to add some sort of access door to it, just so I could legitimately utter the phrase "Open the PodBay Door, please." Yes, I know. Professional help.

Cheapzuma Reborn - The Finished Product

2010-01-22T11:42:00.012-06:00

Fresh off my success with the Podzuma rebuild, I decided to tackle rebuilding Cheapzuma. I wanted to take advantage of some of the things I'd learned with Podzuma (like the separate power switch), and I wanted to change the form factor a bit.

If you remember, the previous version of the Cheapzuma looked like:

The four OEM Ford speakers were each rated at 25W / 4 ohms, and becuase I was using a single T-Amp board to drive them, I had to wire them in series, effectively making each pair an 8-ohm speaker. The T-Amp can drive 15W into 4 ohms, but only 10W into 8 ohms. Since I wasn't really tremendously happy with the output of the first Cheapzuma (its primary design goal was cheap, not super-loud), I wanted to see about addressing that problem while I was already tearing the thing down.

Here's the front-on view of the finished product. I decided to go with a tall, narrow box, and arrange the speakers vertically, rather than the original 'X' layout. This makes for a more compact unit to drag to tournaments. The case on this rebuild is actually some 1/2" birch plywood I had leftover from a cabinet project I'd recently finished, and as is becoming my custom, the finish is Plasti-Dip.

Because I wanted to add some ooomph to the build, and having several T-Amp boards laying around, I decided to use two amp boards, and have each board drive a pair of the speakers. This allows each board to drive the speakers at 4 ohms. Instead of 2 channels at 10W per channel, I should end up with 4 channels at 15W per channel.

To accomplish this, I first decided I'd want an upgraded battery, so instead of the 5Ah SLA of the original plan, I picked up a 7Ah alarm batttery. From the power switch, I simply ran two sets of leads (one to each board) for power, and shorted the two red leads on each amp board to make them permanently "on".

Rather than try to deal with two volume controls, I also shorted the volume control leads on the amp boards, rigging them for full-volume output. On the connector, there are 2 red and 5 white wires. The red wires, as previously mentioned, are for the power switch. If you number the white wires 1 thru 5 (it doesn't matter which end you start from, as long as you're only counting the white wires), simply connect wire 1 to wire 5 and wire 2 to wire 4. Wire 3 is there to connect the ground plane to the factory potentiometer, and can be left alone. I used the same type of pot from my Podzuma rebuild in this one (50 Kohm, audio taper, dual gang), but wired it directly to the input jack on the top panel. From the pot, I simply ran two leads per channel to the amp board headphone inputs (making sure everything is also tied to the ground plane).

A quick bench test actually pointed out that I had a bad left channel in one of my recycled original Sonic Impact boards, but swapping in a Dayton DTA-2 fixed the issue, and I was able to verify that all of the speakers were being driven properly.

Instead of the Penn-Elcom steel dishes, I used the plastic tops of some Radio Shack project boxes I had. As with the Podzuma, I routed a slight relief to accomodate the lip of each cover, but I liked the way they looked sitting a bit proud of the case, so I didn't stress over really recessing them.

The bottom cover is the battery access, the tall, narrow cover is for access to the electronics, and the top cover is simply there to mount the controls. I left out the 12V-out jack (never really having used that feature on the Podzuma), but otherwise, the battery-charging circuit is the same as the original.

Finally, because I'd never encountered a situation where I'd used the original Cheapzuma without using the cheap Wal-Mart luggage dolly to roll it around, I decided to pick up some 3/4" pipe-mounting clamps and attach the new 'zuma permanently to the dolly. I used "Wall Dog" screws because they have a very large, aggressive thread which seemed like it would stand up to the normal jostling of transit better than standard wood screws.

As with the Podzuma rebuild, I'm insanely pleased with how this came out. The difference in output from the previous Cheapzuma is noticeable, although I still think the Podzuma (benefitting from being designed by a professional) has better performance, particularly on the low end.

Since it's loud and (relatively) cheap, I might have to start calling this one the Janicezuma (after Chandler's ex-girlfriend from the show Friends).

Podzuma Reborn - The Finished Product

2010-01-22T11:18:00.005-06:00

I do still owe the world some construction pictures, but for now, here's the finished product for the rebuilt Poduma:

The case is made from 1/2" MDF. The finish is several coats of Plasti-Dip.

This is pretty much a standard Podzuma build, with the exception of the separate power switch, and replacement volume control. The volume control is a 50 Kohm audio-taper dual gang potentiometer. The power switch is a simple SPST switch with integrated 12V LED, which actually renders the super-bright blue LED power indicator somewhat redundant, but since I'd already drilled the dish, I can live with it. Everything else is as specified in the original build plans from PartsExpress. Since I'm using the separate power switch, I shorted across the red power leads on the T-Amp board.

I routed 1/16" reliefs for all of the dishes so they'd mount flush, and used T-nuts and machine screws (with the heads also coated in Plasti-Dip) to secure them, to make removing them easier.

With 4 heavy drivers and the MDF construction, this is definitely a weighty beast. I may try giving it some wheels or a cart for easy transport. The handle and case can definitely bear the load, but I certainly wouldn't want to have to carry it more than a few yards on a regular basis.

Construction photos soon.

I Don't Want To Be A Tease

2009-11-10T12:06:00.002-06:00

A lot of my traffic (okay, pretty much 100% of it) seems to come from people searching for either Podzuma information, or information about re-boxing a Sonic Impact T-Amp. As I posted a few months ago, Dayton seems to have taken over producing a clone of the original T-Amp, and today, I discovered this. I may be late to the party, but $20 for what appears to be ready-to-use T-Amp guts is awesome news! I ordered 4, and over the next two months, I plan to use them to finish out the Podzuma rebuild, and to tackle the T-Amp Rebox (albiet without destroying my last stock T-Amp). I also ordered some Chumby Guts from MakerShed, and some used iPods from eBay, so I have some ideas for integrating them with the T-Amp guts to make some custom console-style iPods/Chumbys. As always, if I get off my ass, photos and whatnot will appear here.

Couldn't Have Written It Better

2009-07-24T08:33:00.002-05:00

(This is a Luann post)

Wow. All the will-she, won't-she, does-she, doesn't-she has pretty much been resolved. Brad loves Toni. Toni loves Brad. Cue the walk into the sunset.

On a technical note, I love the pacing Evans has used the past two weeks to the big reveal. The kiss, the single-panel happy couple...and Brad's reactions have been spot-on. I cringed, just slightly, when he brought up Dirk, but Toni breezed right over it, and "Ok, two things..." was about the Braddiest comment there could have been.

I am a bit torn. Unfortunately, happy couples aren't interesting. Conflict drives storytelling. That's why there's always a dragon threatening the fair maid; always a malevolent, asthmatic cyborg who happens to be your father trying to take over the universe; always a huge shark terrorizing a sleepy coastal town. Evans gets away with it with the DeGroot adults, and the occasional "happy longtime married couple" panels always give me a smile, but honestly, now that Brad and Toni are together, the only way to keep them interesting is going to be to introduce some conflict. I hope it turns out to be of the "you and me against the world, baby" variety, rather than the relationship self-destructing over Brad's insecurities.

For now, I'm just happy that Brad's gotten what he's wanted, and waited for...and Toni too, even if she didn't know she wanted it.

Reboxing the T-Amp: It's Baaaaaack!

2009-03-11T11:37:00.002-05:00

Wow...looks like Dayton Audio picked up where Sonic Impact left off...this is pretty much physically identical to the 5066, with identical sonic specs. I rather like the all-black finish (I've never cared too much for silver), but if you're re-boxing, it could be puce, for all you care. This one looks like it comes with a power supply, for $39.18, which is $30 less than Sonic Impact's second-generation 5065.

And there was much rejoicing.

It's The Little Differences

2008-12-18T08:34:00.002-06:00

(This is a Luann post.)

They say that small changes can sometimes have a dramatic effect. "Start saving just $10 a week when you're 25, and by the time you're 65 (thanks to the magic of compound interest), you'll be a millionaire." "Eat just 100 calories less per day, and walk for half an hour each day, and lose 3 pounds a month."

Our friend Brad needs to make a small change in his life: stop listening to TJ. I was actually really hoping that today's strip would follow up on yesterday's more directly. Brad's speech about he and Toni's relationship was exactly the sort of thing Toni needs to hear (she knows it already, but a woman never tires of hearing it). I'd envisioned today's strip picking up with a repeat of the third panel from yesterday, pulled out to a wider shot with Toni in it (maybe with Luann or Mom, since they are in the DeGroot house), underscoring that she'd heard Brad. Of course, that would resolve the whole nudist resort problem far too quickly, but from a Brad and Toni point-of-view, would have been a nice milestone.

I'm not against TJ altogether...he can be capable of some really positive things, and his smarmy, weaselly facade probably hides some real pain, but he's definitely the anti-Brad.

And Brad, the opposite of a clothing-optional resort isn't a note pad (Note to Brad: Laaaaame), it's clothes...take her shopping...make plans for New Year's and buy her a kick-ass dress for it...oh, and TELL HER the things you tell TJ. She's the one that should hear them.

At Long Last...The Cheapzuma!

2008-08-22T11:26:00.005-05:00

(and there was much rejoicing)

Finally took some pics of the Cheapzuma. For those of you not following my every utterance with bated breath (and so far, that seems to be a club with universal membership, which is fine, I'm an introvert), the Cheapzuma is a a variant of the Podzuma, which is itself a hack of the Sonic Impact T-Amp 5066.

As you'll see in the photos, the Cheapzuma is a basic box, about 16" x 16" x 10". The height and width dimensions were pretty much dictated by the speakers, which have since ceased to be available through Parts Express. They were an OEM auto speaker for Ford, with decent stats, and the best part was they could be had for $5 apiece. Since I was making this to basically be a knock-around version of the Podzuma, I wasn't particularly worried about audiophile quality. All it had to do was throw out some sound on the cheap. Since they're automotive speakers, the crossovers were built in, so all I had to do was wire them to the outputs of the T-Amp board.

I originally started with a 12V supply provided by D-cell batteries, and the battery box design was predicated around that. The D-cells worked okay, but I really liked the rechargeable nature of the Podzuma, so I eventually added the charging circuit from the Podzuma specs and two slim 6V sealed lead-acid batteries wired in series.

The case is 1/2" MDF and basic nail/glue edge joinery. I did route 1/16" channels at all of the join lines (which is why the ruler shots show slightly less than 16" dimensions) to aid in sealing the box. Another "improvement" over the original Podzuma design was the access covers for the battery and electronics boxes. I routed 1/16" channels for the access plates (which are just the aluminum tops to basic Radio Shack project boxes (2x4x1 and 5x7x3, I think), and put in tee nuts so that the plates could be easily removed without chewing up the screwholes in the MDF (the routed corner reliefs, recessed panel mounts and tee nuts are techniques I'm using on the Podzuma rebox as well). For aesthetics, I rounded over the edges, added a gate handle from Home Depot to lug it around, and "painted" it with Plasti-Dip.

So really, for about $60 in parts originally, and about $25 in additional parts to convert from D-cells to rechargeable SLAs, I came it at about 1/3 the cost of the Podzuma build. No, it's not as loud, and it doesn't look as cool, but it does everything I need it to, so I'm calling it a success. Plus, it served as a testbed for really getting the most out of the $200+ in parts I have invested in the Podzuma build when I get around to finishing that rebox.

And now, for the photos:

The Cheapzuma in all its glory. Well, glory is a strong word, but it's functional, and I still like the X arrangement of the speakers (probably not the best arrangement from an audio point of view, but we're not going for subtle here).

A bit under 16" wide. Trivia: That chair is part of a dining room set that's exactly the same as the one used in Talladega Nights during the "favorite Jesus/on you like a spider-monkey" scene. It's from Rooms To Go.

A bit under 16" tall (I apologize for the blur). One of my biggest beefs with the original Podzuma plans was a complete lack of measurements for anything other than the overall height/width/length. The size and shape of the battery and electronics boxes were apparently left as an exercise to the builder. When I detail the Podzuma rebuild, you can bet I'll post complete dimensions.

10 inches deep. Note that the actual interior volume is less, because of the 1" recess of the baffle, and the battery and electronics boxes. Also, I retained the left/right separation of the original Podzuma with a vertical divider between the two pairs of speakers, so each side has its own (pretty much identically-sized) volume.

The back. As you can see, I use this a good bit, so the exposed spots are where the unit rubs against the luggage carrier I use to wheel it around to tournaments. That's the only downside about Plasti-Dip over MDF...the smoothness of the MDF doesn't give the Plasti-Dip much to hold onto.

The battery box, the series-wired SLAs and, in the upper right, the charging circuit.

The power/volume knob from the T-Amp, the power LED and the input jack.

Her Favorite Color Is Chrome

2008-08-22T10:08:00.003-05:00

Like the song says, Toni Daytona's not your average pretty girl.

Now, I'm not the car geek in my family. Brother D gets that honor, hands down. He's a mechanic for a living, used to race stock cars, and I don't think his fingernails have been clean since about 1984 or so. But I like cars. I like fast cars. And I like women who like cars. Specifically, I like women who understand my yearning for specific cars...like a '69 Camaro, or the '09 Camaro. Owning both would rock, wouldn't it? The new Challenger is a little slice of alright too...I saw one in person at a local minor-league baseball game. Sweet.

L, who I've talked (obsessed) about here before is a car girl. Not in a Toni Daytona sense, so it's not like I could stop taking my car to professional mechanics if I married her, but she gets me. And she'd look sweet behind the wheel of a convertible muscle car, or snuggled up beside me while I drive.

And the dorky grin (best showcased in the last panel here) just proves that Brad is 100% with smit. So if she's just teasing him, it's gonna be a horrendous crash, Flash. I just hope his male ego isn't going to get in the way. It's cool that she knows a lot about high-performance cars, but if she turns out to know more than he does, he might start feeling emasculated, and that'll be trouble.

It's interesting how Evans has managed to, at least in me, turn Toni from a probably-shallow-trophy-girlfriend into a sympathetic character. It's also a little odd that if Brad and Toni don't work, I'm thinking it'll be Brad's fault. Weird. And kudos to Greg Evans for fleshing the characters out enough to make that possible.

Like Stroking on Nail Polish or Slipping Into Nylons...

2008-08-06T09:14:00.003-05:00

Toni Daytona could give me driving lessons any day of the week.

It wasn't until today's strip that I felt a great need to imagine a voice for Toni...now, I'm obsessed...I'm thinking something close to that Kate Walsh commercial for Cadillac where she's extolling the virtues of nav systems and sapele wood accents...maybe just a shade higher pitch.

Rowwwwrrrr.

Fat People, Unclench Already...

2008-08-04T08:13:00.002-05:00

Okay, so I'm like weeks late to the party, but I finally took Daughter to see WALL-E last night. If any of the 12 of you who read this haven't seen it, just skip this post. I don't think I'm going to give away anything, but really, the plot isn't why you go see this film.

ObOMG: The graphics are freaking amazing! The tracking shots as WALL-E is racing back and forth from his home are gorgeous, and the sheer amount of STUFF going on in each frame is ridiculous.

ObApple: EVE is what you get when you let Apple design a robot.

Alright, now to the bee in my bonnet. I've had people tell me this is a very political movie. I've also read blogs and "open letters" from fat people who think the movie is targeting them as the butt of the joke. (Full disclosure: I'm fat. I weigh 340 lb on a 6'1" frame, and even though a lot of is muscle, a lot of it isn't. I could lose about 100 lb.)

So, in a future 800 or so years from now, the Earth is totally polluted. Oh, by the way, apparently, Earth was also pretty much taken over by one retail chain (Buy-N-Large), and American culture is 100% dominant, at least aboard the Axiom. It should be noted that the Axiom is just one of many space-going habitats that mankind has escaped Earth in, so maybe the NorAm-centric nature is because the Axiom launched from America (apparently, New York City). Buy-N-Large has long since managed to pervade every aspect of human life, even before the space arks take off. This only gets worse on the Buy-N-Large-owned arks, where robots do EVERYTHING for humans, and every aspect of life is pretty much dictated by the ubiquitous electronic signage throughout the ship. As you might imagine, a human race which doesn't have to work for anything, doesn't. As 700 years pass, people become sedentary and fat, tooling around on their hover-chairs, catered to by robots, and avoiding pretty much everything but consuming. Ironically, the ads for the space-arks (one of which is conveniently still operating on Earth after 700+ years) depicted a very active shipboard lifestyle, with the hoverchairs originally meant to enable the less-physically-able to enjoy shipboard activities.

(Note: I have some personal experience here. Everyone knows the Wii is this wonderful little machine that lets you get up off the couch and be active while you play video games. Well, my friends and I have managed to discover how to use the Wii Remotes from the safety and comfort of the couch. We can play a full 9 holes of Wii Sports golf with the only energy expended being the occasional flick of the wrist. But I do stand up to play Guitar Hero.)

Yes, the haplessness of the Axiomites is played for laughs, but I didn't get the sense it was out of mean-spiritedness. I think everyone can agree that a life that sedentary is NOT healthy, by any definition of the word. If you happen to be fat right now, and you're living a life that sedentary, then maybe you can take offense to the movie. But if you do even the smallest things for yourself, THIS MOVIE WAS NOT ABOUT YOU. It's only when the introduction of WALL-E (and the discoveries he unwittingly makes) adds a little chaos to the ship that a handful of these sheeple start thinking for themselves. And once these people shake off the stupor induced by having their every whim instantly catered to, they start becoming human again. The man and the woman who get "woken up" by WALL-E find one another, and begin what appears to be a romance. Never once are we given the idea that these fat, sedentary people are ugly or unworthy of love, they're simply blind to the possibility. (Now, this does raise the question of where the babies in the nursery have been coming from, but being a Disney flick, all the "love" is pure, platonic, and at the hand-holding, spark-generating level.)

Another minor nit. In the movie, the Earth is covered with trash, near-Earth space is littered with what appears to be millions of satellites, and apparently the whole planet became uninhabitable. The amount of trash seems far out of proportion to the amount of raw material that the Earth can produce. Yes, yes, I understand, hyperbole. What I don't understand is if the human race of the movie can produce enough space arks to evacuate the entire planet (all 6 billion or so, unless there's been an unmentioned apocalypse sometime before the exodus), why can't they just load up a bunch of these arks with garbage and pilot them into the sun? Apparently, resources other than arable land are not lacking in this version of Earth. Each of the arks has the ability to sustain the lives of thousands of people for hundreds of years, not to mention the resources required to build the arks, and the resources represented by all that trash.

Litter bad. Recycling good. Sedentary bad. Exercise good. Retail bad. Farming good. Love is universal. Holding hands is the nec plus ultra of love, at least for robots. Dancing is double-super-plus-good, particularly when unencumbered by gravity. And little white Apple robots (hmmm...Eve tempted Adam with an apple...), when not being watched by supervisor robots, will indulge in egrgious wastes of power just to do a little supersonic jetting over a trashed landscape before getting to work. Oh, and a robot that can appreciate "Hello, Dolly!" and fall in love with a little white iBot can be surprisingly practical when it comes to the demise of its fellow WALL-Es (dead comrades = spare parts). Interesting set of lessons, if you choose to view it as a movie with lessons, but I chose to be awed by the spectacle, and touched by the love stories.

Your own mileage may vary.

My Giveadamn is Busted

2008-07-31T14:36:00.001-05:00

I am sooooo frakking tired of...

...everything.

Self-Reflection? or Self-Sabotage?

2008-07-22T11:28:00.002-05:00

If you're looking for an update on the T-Amp rebox/Podzuma, or for commentary on "Luann", I hate to disappoint...but I have something on my mind, and I need to exorcise it, even if no one reads it.

In about 29 days, I'm going to test for my Recommended black belt, and about 17 days after that, my Decided (1st degree) black belt in Songahm Tae Kwon Do. If I go forward with it, I'll be testing for my black belt at the same time as my brother and daughter. I've spent the past nearly-a-year learning the form I'll test with, and I attend on average about 8 classes a week. Most importantly to some, I spend nearly $300 a month for classes for my daughter and I.

So, you're thinking to yourself, why the "if"? You've paid for this in your sweat, your effort, your money, and even your bones. You've certainly earned a reward for that! And I have, but is the right reward a black belt? Would I really be accepting a bullshit belt?

Now, I know I've learned a lot in the past two years, and I'm much more physically capable than I used to be. There's no reason to believe I can't and won't continue to improve. But, my kicks (at least, the ones I can even do) are just barely above belt level...there is almost no chance that I'll earn points in a sparring match...and my technique looks every bit as bad as you'd expect from a 342-pound, 6'1" tall, short-legged-and-long-torsoed man.

Am I black belt material? Even in the ATA? I mean, I've seen some abysmal practitioners get awarded their belts over the past two years. I've seen some phenomenal practitioners get theirs. I've literally seen women whose axe-kicks wouldn't threaten anything taller than a springer spaniel pass, with a cheering section, no less. I've seen Juniors get "No Change" with better forms and sparring technique than the rat-kicker. I have no doubt that my fellow students (such as would attend) would cheer me on, proud of my perseverance, if slightly embarrassed for me about my skill. I could probably even manage to feel like I'd earned it, at the time.

But what would I have earned? Would I really feel like I was on a par with people like B, or B, or J, or even J or G (who are both technically "behind" me)? I'm certainly no threat at tournaments, not even at the events I think I'm decent at, like forms and weapons, and I doubt it'll get better once I join the 40-49 Men's Black Belt rings.

I want my black belt to mean something. I want it to be indicative of a certain level of skill and prowess, not just a milestone reached by shedding enough sweat and forking over enough cash.

My friend S seemed very impressed that T and I are about to earn our black belts, and I could tell he envisioned a lot higher skill level than I'm likely to gain in the next 45 or so days. When I'm honest with myself, I envisioned being more capable myself, so I feel kinda like a fraud.

Of course, it may be that Senior Master S and Mrs. S (the school owners) score leniently on people who only want to earn up to black belt and go no further, and heaven knows they don't consider color belt students to be worth their time (or for that matter, anyone who's not fast-tracking to a championship), but I think it sullies the belt. We try to teach our Juniors and Tiny Tigers to respect their belts...that their belt is a symbol of their hard work and skill. We reinforce that by having them line up by rank. Higher rank belts are supposed to be higher-caliber practitioners, more worthy of respect. Supposed to be. But even our black belt Juniors half-ass their way through things, seemingly marking time, just waiting for this part of their daily routine to be over.

I'm sure I have other tangents to go off on, but that covers most of it. And I still don't know what I'm going to do after August 19. Am I going to bust my ass to get 24 classes in 17 days, and test on September 5? Or am I going to wait to test until I feel like I've earned the belt I'd be getting through skill, rather than simply not giving up? And if I do sit out the testing, am I simply holding myself to a higher standard, or am I insulting my friends and fellow students by implying that they should hold themselves to that same standard?

Thanks for letting me vent. Obviously, this space is where the final result will be found.

Rules For Traffic

2008-07-18T11:19:00.002-05:00

Clear the frakkin' intersection! Seriously, if you're turning, and you've got the protected arrow, get your happy ass through the intersection and finish the turn. The rest of us are waiting. If you're waiting for a break in oncoming traffic to sneak through unprotected, then do it. If you're gonna be a bear, be a grizzly. And for cripe's sake, don't STOP in the middle of your turn!
If you're in a right-on-red state, and you're at a multi-lane intersection, and you're planning to go straight, get out of the right-hand lane. Those of use that ARE turning right don't want to be caught behind your mini-maxing butt because you couldn't stand to be second in line through the light.
Running your car up my ass will absolutely NOT make me go any faster, particularly if I'm in a more rightward lane. In fact, I'll probably slow down a bit, just to piss you off. I see you in the rearview, and if I'm in the left lane passing something, I'll get over just as soon as I can. If there are slow cars in front of me, there's really nothing I can do about it, jackass, so relax and wait it out with the rest of us.
Lane changes are not for the timid, and are not a mini-sightseeing tour of the highway. Find your gap, signal your intent, and then get the job done already. Taking thousands of feet to cross the lane divider is dangerous and stupid.
If you DO run your car up my ass to get me out of your way, and I move over, get your butt on down the road. I will not play the "let's trade places" game. I'm also not going to be your lead block. I don't run with a radar detector, so getting behind me and doing what I do will not really get you anything. In fact, if I suspect that you're dogging me, I will make it a point to switch to the opposite lane every time you do, so that you're NOT directly behind me for more than a split second.
If there's a traffic slowdown right where you want to be, man up and get in line. Do not speed up to the head of the line and then cut in like some idiot third-grade bully. You'll get there, and you're probably not in any bigger an actual hurry than the rest of us, you're just a jackass.
If you're doing something else while you're driving (talking on your cel without a headset, texting, downloading porn on your Crackberry, nursing a baby, playing guitar, whatever), pull off the goddamn road. You're a danger to yourself and others. If you're so attached to your dog that they have to ride in the driver's seat with you, consider hiring a chauffer so you and the dog can have some quality time together.
If you're slower traffic, keep right. If you're one of those sanctimonious asses who believes its their job to police everyone else's speed, find another frakkin' hobby. It's not aboslute speed that causes accidents, it's the difference in relative speed that causes the problem. If the rest of traffic is doing 70, and you're dumbassing along at 55 in the left lane, you're going to get some dirty looks, at best.
If you're getting on the highway, speed up while you're on the entrance ramp, to smoothly enter your chosen gap (you did locate a gap on the way down the ramp, right?). If you're getting off the highway, slow down after you pull onto the ramp, unless there's a specific decelleration lane. In either event, get your self-important butt out of the flow of traffic before you drastically change speed or direction.
If you're on a motorcycle, stop acting like a privileged, spoiled brat. Car versus motorcycle is never scored as a win for the motorcycle. Maintain a space cushion, signal your intent, move with traffic, and cut out the damn traffic weaving. We're all very impressed with your hog, but if you're gonna act like a douchebag, you'll probably end up in a bodybag.
Conversely, if you're behind a motorcycle, give them some respect. In an emergency, their brakes will stop them a lot quicker than yours will you, so unless you like vehicular manslaughter on your record and bits of human being for a hood ornament, back off.
Do not, under any circumstances, jack with the big rigs. Yeah, they're slower than you, and they have an obnoxious habit of blocking passing lanes because they're going 0.00005 mph faster than the rig in front of them, but your chances of surviving a wreck involving you and a tractor-trailer are roughly equal to those of the motorcyclist in #10 and #11. Get around them quickly, and just leave them alone.

Reboxing the T-Amp: Stay Tuned

2008-07-18T11:13:00.002-05:00

Okay, the kiddo's at camp, the ex is outta my hair, and the usual suspects are in Atlanta competing in a tournament, so it looks like I have a more-or-less free weekend coming up. At the very least, I'll get the long-promised pics and stats of the Cheapzuma and the in-the-midst-of-redoing Podzuma up, and maybe even get some time in on the T-Amp rebox.

Unless I decide to sleep in a lot.

Burning Down The House

2008-07-09T13:16:00.002-05:00

My, my...where *was* TJ going all pimpadelic-looking?

Of course, we all know that I'm a Brad fan, because Brad is me, with a better writer. I loved that Toni volunteered to let Brad stay at her place while the house was fixed, and I loved even more that she totally turned TJ down, emphasizing that it was a Brad-only offer. So Brad hangs at the station most of the time, TJ's staying with the DeGroots, and more than ever, Brad and Toni are...well...Brad and Toni.

I'm sure there'll be some Evans-esque twist to the TJ angle. He's almost certainly not a drug dealer (just because Mom and Dad DeGroot are so worried about that eventuality), and it'll probably turn out to be something completely above-board. My money's on TJ's source of income being a dance instructor. He's already shown us he's a pretty good cook (though he needs to work on his kitchen-fire instincts), so why not have him be a good dancer too? Not that there's anything wrong with that... On the other hand, his talent for minor scammery (illustrated by the firefighter meals scheme with Tiffany) doesn't rule out something less honest, but I doubt it's anything truly illegal.

Empathy for Comic Strip Characters, part 2

2008-06-11T09:03:00.002-05:00

Well, apparently while I was out of town with limited internet opportunities, the "dessert" storyline wrapped up. Brad had decided to "upgrade" his looks with a goatee, and gamely headed over to Toni's place to have dessert with her and her niece.

I've got to give my buddy Brad a big fist-bump for not letting bratty little Shannon deter him from getting some face-time with Toni. Of course, the goatee backfired, kinda. Neither Toni nor Shannon liked it, and Shannon was very direct about it in a way that kids are. Just when it seems that Brad's gonna have to do some damage control for the goatee stunt, Toni offers to shave it for him right then and there.

Now, I can't speak for all guys, but there's almost nothing hotter than having the girl you love give you a shave. Particularly when she gets all touchy admiring the end result. Now, even with all this, I really didn't see Saturday's strip coming...

...but if I'm Brad, I want that kind of dessert pretty much all the time. Let the kid eat the sweets and go have a nice sugar coma in front of a Disney flick...I'll take making out with her hottie aunt any day. I liked that "ending" for a couple of reasons.

Brad's still kinda clueless and guarded. He's not taking anything for granted with Toni, and he's taking pretty much everything at face value, so he's surprised right up 'til the kiss.
Without managing to seem conceited, Toni knows that Brad would much rather kiss her than worry about food.
Toni seems just as into the idea as Brad does. Even though they had a kiss after ditching the firefighter's ball to go go-karting, this was an unambiguous signal of desire on her part.

Stroking the cheek post-shave was good, but it's still one of those things that could be taken as more-or-less platonic (Toni could just be a very tactile person, and would have reacted the same to anyone). But, a kiss, initiated by her, that's a milestone for my man Brad.

Don't screw it up, Brad.

I figure Evans will either re-introduce the Dirk character, turn Shannon into a source of stress for the couple, or let TJ mess with Brad's insecurities, and there will be some sort of blowup. But then, I thought sure he'd kill off Ben (Bernice's long-lost Army brother), and he didn't, so my track record on guessing isn't that great. That said, I know how things go for guys like Brad and me, so I can almost see it coming.

We're about overdue for another visit from Tiffany, so I figure she'll show up in the current adopt-a-highway thread.

Empathy for Comic Strip Characters

2008-05-27T08:50:00.004-05:00

For some time now, I've been following the comic "Luann" by Greg Evans. I'm not sure why, really, because most of the storylines (predictably enough) center around a teenage girl named Luann who can't seem to pull her head out of her shallow ass and find a boyfriend. I guess what hooked me was the storyline about her older brother, Brad. Near as I have it figured (I came in a little after the start of the storyline), Brad was involved in some sort of life-saving rescue (as the rescuer, not the rescuee) with a school-mate named Toni Daytona. Toni is, for a comic character, a stone fox, and she seems pretty bright. Brad is kinda a schlub. They apparently share a passion for cars, and they both went to the fire academy and became firefighters after their dramatic shared rescue experience.

During the early parts of their fire academy time, Toni was dating an obvious jerk named Dirk. He drove a hot car, worked out a lot, and was generally a controlling, jealous prick. The good news is, Toni's dumped Dirk. The seemingly better news is that in the past couple of months, Brad's managed to develop a more-than-friends (maybe) relationship with Toni. He's turning out to be thoughtful and romantic, and she's turning out to be not as shallow as she started out seeming, and they've shared a kiss after ditching the firemen's ball.

I am completely rooting for Brad. He's shown a little jealousy over Dirk, but mostly, his problem is self-confidence. Anyone can tell that based purely on looks, Brad and Toni aren't well-matched. It's not quite as bad as the "fat lunkhead / hot wife" pairing so common in sitcoms (Still Standing, According to Jim, King of Queens, Grounded For Life, etc.), in that Brad is fit enough to be a firefighter, and he's clearly a better catch than his smarmy pal T.J. Toni's beautiful on the outside, but she shows some capacity for shallowness. Taken as whole people, you figure that Brad and Toni are pretty evenly matched, but Brad feels outclassed.

Evans hasn't really let us learn too much about Toni's inner workings, preferring to let us see her mostly through Brad's eyes. She doesn't get any of the "sitting around being introspective with her friends" time that Luann does (come to think of it, we don't even really know if Toni has friends, or who they are...the only characters we've seen associate with Toni are Dirk the Dick, and Toni's niece Shannon), but we get to hear Brad bounce his love life off of his sister Luann and his buddy T.J.

So, I don't think anyone will be surprised to learn that I'm Brad (well, really, I'm more like Kevin James' character in King of Queens, physically). I always have a hard time believing that insanely hot women could/would find me attractive. Not that I don't have very good qualities, just that I know that physical attraction makes up a good bit of how couples get together, and that's almost always one-sided. So, being Brad, I want my fictional counterpart to do well. I cringe when he lets T.J. talk him into some stupid, gooberish plan to woo Toni (thankfully, Brad's started realizing what an immature tool T.J. is), I smile when it's clear that Toni's digging him, and I nearly yell out loud when Brad nearly takes himself out of the game because of the disparity in their looks.

A side note...readers of Luann will note that there's another "beauty and the beast" kind of storyline between Luann and Gunther. Gunther's almost the opposite of Brad, in that Gunther has TONS of self-confidence. He is who he is, and while he is attracted to Luann (for reasons unknown, she's kinda spacey and shallow), he's standing his ground even though Luann has flat-out told him that she thinks he's a nerd. Gunther doesn't resonate with me the Brad does, probably because I don't know what that kind of self-confidence would feel like.

Nope, I'm a Brad, and I keep looking for a Toni. And while I know it would mess up the wonderful will-they-or-won't-they tension he's got building, I keep hoping he gets her. It'd be nice to see one of us succeed.

P.S. - It occurred to me that part of the reason the pairings in most beauty-and-the-beast sitcoms don't resonate is that you pick up the relationship after it's established, and if you do get the "origin story", it's usually very rushed and hinges on some highly-contrived pivotal comic moment where "beauty" sees "beast" in a new light. That's great and all, but a moment does not a relationship make. I think that's the fun part of the Brad/Toni storyline in "Luann"...if they do have a romantic relationship, we've seen how it developed...the fits and starts...the mistakes and makeups...and it will seem more established for having built gradually.

Reboxing the T-Amp: As If I Needed More Ideas

2008-01-23T09:46:00.000-06:00

I think this is why I'm a better software architect than system engineer...

As an architect, I'm given the requirements for the system, and I can bend my creativity toward solving the problem within those constraints...on this rebox project (and its sister, the Podzuma re-do), my only requirement seems to be "do something cool".

To catch y'all up, several things have happened in the past couple weeks. First, and perhaps most significantly, I found a T-Amp on eBay for about $40. There were actually several up for auction, and I bid on them, but only won one. There's a fellow selling them on eBay for $59.99 "or best offer", but I'll warn ya, if your best offer is lower than about $54, no dice. With shipping at that point, you're better off buying the 2nd gen T-Amp from Amazon for $59.99 (which is really coming from Parts Express anyway). He claims his cost is about $50 per unit, which I have no reason to doubt, but I can't see anyone making money on that deal. If there weren't an arguably improved 2nd gen unit on the market, I could see getting the $86 that Cyber Yazgan is getting on eBay (apparently also selling on Amazon as Cyber World), but the T-Amp's primary selling point was that it was great quality for a steal...and if you're just going to gut the box anyway for the sweet sweet ampage inside, either version will work, so it's stupid to pay a premium for the old one.

The second thing that happened was that I found a deal on eBay for basically a clone of my older stereo amp, the Pioneer VSX-2000. Since I'd basically decided that (if executed properly) the reboxed T-Amp would be too "nice" for resuming garage/woodshop duty, this worked out great, because the Pioneer is a good solid amp, which I already know will drive the speakers in the garage just fine, and I have actually less invested in the Pioneer than I do in the T-Amp. So, I was thinking (as I do) that with the extra available input ports, it'd be nice to have a CD player in addition to driving the amp with an MP3 player. And, knowing that virtually all CD-ROM drives have the abiltity to play audio CDs without having to use the IDE interface, and having a few old CD-ROM drives cluttering the shelves, I figured that with some simple electronics (really, just a couple cheap voltage regulators and some RCA output jacks) and a simple case, I could put an essentially free CD player in my garage (and if cold, or heat, or dust damage it, I'm out $3, and very minimal effort).

Y'all already know what's coming, dontcha?

"How hard would it be to ADD a built-in CD player to the reboxed T-Amp?" Of course, the answer is, "Not hard at all...particularly since the rebox design is still relatively fluid...just extend the width, tap the incoming power, repurpose the second RCA port to the dedicated CD player, add a couple front panel switches for the play/skip and stop/eject buttons, skin the front of the drive with the same wood as the case..." So, I think I'll probably at this point do two T-Amp reboxes...one with a built-in CD function, and the other more like the original vision.

Oh, and I decided to replace the D-battery array in the Cheapzuma with a pair of 6-volt sealed lead-acids in series. That should be a relatively easy re-fit, because the SLAs will fit easily in the space where the D-battery array is now...simple charge circuit, external power jack and charge LED, maybe (or maybe not) the 12v accessory port...

Coming next, photos of the Cheapzuma, the Podzuma-in-progress, and some concept drawings of the T-Amp rebox(es).

Pray for me. (Hmmm...I wonder if I could/should use that old Rio Volt MP3/CD player with the T-Amp rebox instead of a CD-ROM drive?)

Seriously. Pray for me.

Reboxing the T-Amp: Game On!

2008-01-07T09:42:00.000-06:00

Okay...I can unclench now.

In my last rebox update, I mentioned I might have to sacrifice the remaining virgin 5066 in order to complete the Podzuma re-do. Here's the story...

In the original Podzuma build, I was a little less than careful desoldering the on-board headphone jack to wire an extension in. So, the whole thing was kinda dicey to start with, but I managed to get it working. In the early stages of the re-do, I was trying to add a 3-position screw terminal to the 5066 board, which meant even more creative engineering, which seemed to frag the solder pads even further. So, I figured I'd just wire the input directly to the 50k dual pot, and bypass the solder pads on the board altogether. When I did, it would work, but I got a lot of clipping at even moderate volumes. I managed to exonerate the custom crossovers, because they worked just fine with the still-factory 5066 destined for the rebox. Everything I tried with the Podzuma board left me stymied, so I gave up, gutted the virgin 5066, and started to wire it in for a bench test. Lo and behold, I had the same problem. Not being willing to admit that I'd fried the second one too (and knowing that it had worked while it was in its factory case), I finally figured out where the problem was. When I tested the crossovers, I was running the virgin 5066 on wall wart power, but I've been doing my bench testing with the sealed lead-acid battery (the target power supply). So, since I hadn't destroyed the on-board DC input jack, I tried running both boards off the wall wart, and lo and behold, they both work flawlessly. So, I figure I have a problem with my charging circuit or the battery itself, and the problem seems to stem from the amp wanting to pull more juice than the battery can provide. Now, in its original incarnation, the Podzuma worked just fine at high volume levels, so I have to think it's the charge circuit (which has always been in place during bench tests).

Anyway, this isn't a blog of the Podzuma re-do (at least, it wasn't meant to be), but the good news is that the last 5066 is still available for the rebox, and given shop-time, I can proceed.

Stay tuned!

Two Years & Resolutions

2008-01-01T00:14:00.000-06:00

Almost exactly two years ago, I laid down in this blog a rambling rumination on love and whatnot. I was inspired by the sermon at my friend D's wedding. Well, in the intervening two years, D's gotten divorced and managed to impregnate his office manager (in that order, thank God, his divorce was acrimonious enough). Things with L are not only not improved, but apparently, her leaving her job was the impetus she needed to cut me off too (I'm not ruling out that something more serious has occurred with her that prevents her from talking to me, but at least I haven't found an obituary via Google.)

So, where am I at for 2008? I'm sitting here with a broken foot that I've had for the past three months, just back from a not-particularly restful visit home to MO, trying to figure out how I can credibly make resolutions when I can't seem to keep even the smallest commitments to myself. But hey, it's a yearly exercise in self-delusion and ultimately recrimination, and gosh darn it, it's fun.

See, there's #1 - reduce profanity. You can probably fill in the others...weight loss, learn German, learn guitar...well, let's list them:

Reduce or eliminate profanity, particularly involving the f-bomb.
Incorporate TKD-friendly exercise and stretching into daily schedule (at least 30 min/day)
Start and stick to modified fasting diet
Learn guitar using brother D's Esteban DVDs (assuming they're worth it)
Learn German
Improve relationships with family and friends (hey, there's a nice specific one)

Guess you've noticed these seem familiar. I'm turning 40 in 2008, in 79 days. It'd be nice to feel like I've used those 79 days to attain some goals before a milestone birthday. And of course, most of those are ongoing, even after the big Four-Oh, but establishing them as habits by then would be nice.

If there's anyone reading, wish me luck. Odd how blogging more regularly isn't a resolution...

Reboxing the T-Amp: Setback

2007-12-31T23:56:00.000-06:00

I've come across a setback. It seems that in my quest to re-box the Podzuma, I've managed to either damage the contacts for the headphone port, or somehow fry the input stage of the T-Amp board. With genuine 5066's being rare and expensive now, in order to finish the Podzuma, I may have to cannibalize my remaining "virgin" 5066 for its main board, which means I won't have it to finish out this reboxing project. I'm still thinking I may acquire a kit from 41Hz, and "re-box" it, but I'm still hoping I can resurrect the Podzuma's board and proceed with re-boxing the remaining virgin T-Amp.

Reboxing the T-Amp: Somebody Stop Me!

2007-11-14T10:33:00.000-06:00

An idle brain is the Devil's workshop, so they say (well, okay, specifically, H.G. Bohn said it in 1855 in the Hand-Book of Proverbs).

Not that I've felt particularly idle, but I've found another(!) potentially useful feature to add to the T-Amp, and it's all my sister M's fault. See, she's getting married next weekend, and I'm DJ'ing the reception. I'm not a professional DJ, I just have a decent MP3 collection and an inability to say no. As I think I covered elsewhere in this blog, I DJ'ed my friends S & J's wedding, and used an older amplifier that I have to drive the speakers, along with the two Sony subwoofers I had in the house. In the intervening time, I've built a pair of subwoofers, and they're currently doing duty upstairs in the bedroom while the two Sony subs are downstairs with the big-screen. The problem is that the amplifier is a 1989 vintage (last year in college), so it doesn't have a dedicated subwoofer output. Both the Sonys and the Triskas can either take in line-level input, or speaker-level input, and I've had to use the speaker-level input as a pass-thru to the mains, which seems wasteful, since the subs are active (have their own internal amps). The signal path looks something like this:

Source - Mixer - Amp - Sub - Mains

I want to use the Triskas because I don't want to tear down my home theater setup, and they have plenty of power to do the job. They have an adjustable low-pass built-in so that the sub only reproduces the lows, but unfortunately the full-spectrum signal gets passed on to the mains. I want the bass to thump and the mids and highs to be unmuddied, so letting the subs be solely responsible for the low end seems like the best solution.

Being a fan of Parts Express, I looked, and lo and behold!, a solution. They sell a pair of 200 Hz high-pass line-level crossovers designed to be put between the source and the amplifier. Since the Triska subs are active (have their own power supply and amplification), I can split the signal out of the mixer with a Y-cable, plug the unaltered signal into the subwoofer's line-level input directly, plug the crossovers in just before the amp, and hook the mains up to the amp directly,where they'll only reproduce anything 200Hz and above.

The mains will be happier with less low-end work to do, and the subs will be more or less independent. The downside is that I won't be able to adjust the volume from the amp, but since I'm using a mixer anyway, that's not a big deal.

Okay, I told you that story to tell you this one. Naturally, since I ordered the high-pass filters, I got to thinking that the reboxed T-Amp might benefit from the same kinda setup. Or put another way, I wondered how hard it would be to give the T-Amp subwoofer output ports. So, of course, that led to another switch, another set of RCA jacks, and the filters. Since I've reached the point where keeping the connections in my head is getting hard, I produced two block diagrams detailing the internal circuitry.

Diagram #1 is the rebox project I'd more or less settled on in the last post. Independent power, left and right volume, three selectable inputs, spiffy blue LEDs for everything.

Diagram #2 adds the subwoofer ports and the switchable 200 Hz high-pass. Of course, this design relies on the subwoofer being A) active and B) capable of accepting full-spectrum signal and internally low-pass filtering it at least 200 Hz (wouldn't want a frequency gap), but since I'm building it for me, and all of my subwoofers are capable of that, it's not much of a hurdle.

Requirements creep is going to end up killing me, but I think this is a good addition. I'll make my final decision after I get my Parts Express order in and test the wedding setup. If the filters do good there, I'll definitely have to score another pair and add them to the rebox.

And finally, yes, of course, I'm tossing around the idea of building another Triska sub with the same walnut veneer that I'm using for the amp, which of course leads me to think about reboxing the speakers I'm using with it, to also have that same walnut finish...seriously folks, it's a sickness with me. I like to tinker, and I like things to match.

Reboxing the T-Amp: Parts List Changes and Design Decisions

2007-10-31T10:23:00.001-05:00

I've made a few design decisions about how I want the box to look. I'll be using 1/4" MDF as the main construction material, but I'll add several layers of walnut veneer to give it a nice wood grain. I'll probably stain the walnut relatively dark, to complement the aluminum knobs I'm using. Speaking of knobs, the left and right channel volume controls will be independent, so the dual-gang 50K pot I mentioned in the previous post is out, and two single-gang 50K audio-taper pots I picked up at Fry's are in. I'll re-purpose the dual-gang pot and use it to replace the stock volume control on the orignal Podzuma, which I will be also reboxing (re-reboxing?).

For the current rebox, I've also decided to go with 2 RCA inputs and a headphone input, which will work nicely with the 4P3T rotary switch I found at Fry's (replacing the DPDT switch I'd originally listed). Each input will have an LED indicator activated by the switch and powered by the same circuit that the Power LED is on. My hope (assuming the experiments go well) is to create cutouts in the walnut veneer for the power indicator and source indicators and illuminate them with the LEDs from behind. I'm also planning to recess the knobs into the faceplate, so it looks a little more "polished".

Basically, for the LEDs, I'm planning to cut icons into the top layer of the veneer, then sandwich a diffusing material between the top layer and lower layers, so that the light from the LEDs "fills" the icon evenly. Here's a picture of the notion:

Aaaaaand the icons:

I am not going to try to implement VU meters, nor am I adding a karaoke circuit. And even though it probably doesn't need it, I have a small (1.75") 12v computer fan that I'll mount in the back panel, and I'll rout some ventilation channels in the bottom panel of the box so the fan has air to move. So, what we're left with is:

independent power switch with LED indicator
independent left/right volume
3 input sources with LED indicators
one headphone jack
two sets of stereo RCA jacks
high-quality speaker binding posts
fan
walnut finish
chrome knobs (volume, source)

Once the knobs arrive from Mouser, I should be able to begin.

I See Motorcycles

2007-10-25T08:49:00.000-05:00

A couple of months ago, I was in traffic behind a guy pulling a trailer. It was that standard "I'm hauling motorcycles, or a 4-wheeler, or maybe a Legends car" kinda enclosed trailer, with stickers all over it. One of the stickers was "Start Seeing Motorcycles" or "Start Seeing Motorcyclists" (honestly, I forget). Turns out, this is part of some campaign by the National Association of State Motorcycle Safety Administrators, and on the surface it seems like a good idea. The problem I have with it is that it seems to place the blame for all of the bad things that happen to motorcyclists on automobile drivers.

To be fair, motorcycle versus car almost never comes out in the favor of the motorcycle. But...

I see motorcycles. I see motorcycle riders. Oh, the things I see. I see them whipping in and out of traffic, splitting lanes, passing on the shoulder, travelling significantly faster than traffic, not wearing helmets, and just generally being asshats.

And I've heard all the arguments, and they're usually the ones that justify some particularly unsafe behavior by motorcyclists. "I can't wear a helmet because it restricts my vision or hearing". You know, I'm pretty sure that's a simple matter of helmet design. There's no helmet design that will give you that "wind rushing through your hair" feeling, which is of course, the real issue. When I see a helmetless motorcyclist, my first thought is, "I hope they're an organ donor". As for the actual splitting lanes, speeding and creative passing, those of course are the reasons why you get a motorcycle. Sure, you tell your wife you're getting it for the fuel economy, but really, it's just because by doing those anti-social things, you can get down the road faster than the poor cattle in cars. But you're doing it on a vehicle that offers you absolutely zero protection in the event of a wreck. Nimble or safe. When it comes to motorized transportation, you really can't have both.

So, since I already see motorcycles, I'm thinking of my own bumper sticker. How does "Stop Being a Motorcycle Asshat" sound?

Reboxing the T-Amp: The Parts

2007-10-22T08:53:00.000-05:00

The parts list so far:

Parts Express:

060-315 SPDT Mini Rocker Switch (power switch)
060-322 DPDT Mini Rocker Switch (source select switch*)
090-278 Gold RCA Jack Solder-type w/Nut Pair (RCA inputs)
090-317 3.5mm Stereo Panel-mount Jack (MP3-player input)
090-475 Dual Binding Post (speaker terminals, 2 needed)
090-488 Panel-mount DC Jack
070-008 Ultra-bright Blue 5mm LED 1500 mcd (power indicator)

Elsewhere:

50K-ohm Audio-taper Dual-gang potentiometer (I've found this on eBay, from West Florida Components)
Silvertone Knurled Knob (Radio Shack) [any knob that will fit on your pot's shaft will do, I happened to see the silver one in my local 'Shack and liked it, so I bought it]
3-12V 1300 mA Universal Digital AC Adapter (Wal-Mart) [really, any 12V wall-wart with a type-K center-positive plug*** that can deliver over 1000 mA should work fine, but this one looks like it could charge/power your iPod/MP3 player at the same time via its USB power port.]

This pretty much covers the basics. With the above parts, you could re-host the T-Amp into any sort of enclosure with higher-quality parts, and even add the ability to use line-level RCA inputs that most audio components use.

I'm rarely content to leave well-enough alone, so there are some elements of the design that are still in flux. For example, the dual-gang pot pretty much ensures that both channels are always at the same volume level. Instead of a single, dual-gang pot, you could easily use two 50K audio-taper pots to control the left and right channel volume independently.

In like fashion, you wouldn't have to stop at a single RCA input. With a 3P4T (3-pole, 4-throw**) switch, you could easily have 3 RCA inputs and the headphone input. With a 4P4T, you could add an LED for each input that would light when that input was selected. Obviously, the number of inputs would be limited only by the highest-throw switch you could find that could handle all the necessary poles.

No audiophile amp would be complete without some sort of VU meter for the audio channels. With this circuit and the right panel-mount meters, you could easily add VU-meters to your amp, enhancing the face appeal (at least to me...there are also LED-based designs).

Of course, you could search the web and find ways to add tone control, or graphic equalizers, but if you're driving this with an iPod primarily, you already have a pretty wide selection of EQ settings to play with. With the right crossover network before the amplifier stage, you could set up an output to a powered subwoofer. But if you wanted to get really squirrely, why not rig in a karaoke circuit? If you did, you'd want to wire in a switch that would either apply the karaoke effects or not, and you'd probably want to wire it between the input stage of the T-Amp and the output stage of your multi-input selector (so that you could karaokify anything coming from any of your sources.

Obviously, I have some thinking and planning to do, to figure out just what I want my FrankenAmp to be. But I have options, and the basic parts list is pretty static. As I make decisions, I'll add a post.

* This switch is only necessary if you want both RCA and headphone inputs. In a one-input application, this switch is unnecessary. See text for possible replacement/repurpose of this part (if a different input selector is used, and a karaoke circuit is included, this switch could be used to control whether the karaoke circuit is on or not)

** "Poles" on a switch refer to the number of independent lines the switch can handle. "Throw" on a switch refers to how many different positions those lines can be switched to. For example, a 3-pole, 4-throw switch would be able to accept 3 input lines (ground, left, right) from up to 4 sources and switch between them.

*** Type K is a 5mm outer-diameter, 2.1mm inner-diameter power plug. Most "adapta-plug" wall-warts come with this size plug, and will let you choose whether the center is positive or negative. Obviously, since you're also replacing the DC power input jack from the stock T-Amp, if you have a wall-wart available with a different size/orientation plug, you could simply purchase the correct DC input jack to mate to your transformer.

Reboxing the Sonic Impact 5066 T-Amp

2007-10-17T22:00:00.000-05:00

Inspired by this site, I've decided to re-box my stock Sonic Impact T-Amp that runs the speakers in my garage. I've already built two portable speaker units: a Podzuma powered by a sealed lead-acid battery with audiophile quality speakers, and its ne'er-do-well brother from the poor end of town, the Cheapzuma, powered by D batteries and OEM-surplus Ford car speakers. These experiences have given me enough confidence to move the remaining T-Amp's guts from its cheapo plastic housing to something a little classier.

I'll be posting progress in this blog, with photos. Hopefully, my procedural documentation will help someone else. Unfortunately, the 5066 T-Amp has been discontinued, and while it can be found on Ebay, it seems the formerly ridiculously cheap price has pretty much doubled (before shipping). Otherwise, I'd be tempted to create a cottage industry in reboxing these.

I haven't decided just yet on the exact look, but it's down to either a walnut-wood enclosure, or a faux-leather finish MDF enclosure. Keep reading to see what I end up with!

By the way, any DIYers with a hankering to put together a Tripath-based amp on the cheap should check out 41hz.com. The site creator is an audio enthusiast, and he's created kits for amplifier designs he's created. For those nervous about dealing with surface-mount components, the AMP-6 would be the best choice, and can be had for about US$40.

Coming up next, the parts list!

What a nightmare!

2007-08-02T18:41:00.000-05:00

Minneapolis. Jeez.

As disasters go (and I'm sure if anyone actually read this, I'd start catching flak [by the way, newsies, "flak" is airborne shrapnel or excessive criticism, a "flack" is a hapless spokesperson for a celebrity] for my excessive pragmatism), the death toll is surprisingly low. It'll definitely be more than 4 by the time it's all said and done, but honestly, it could have been far worse.

As for the whys and wherefores, those will come out on their own, and there's no point in me speculating. I will say that I'm surprised by the number of quotes that go along this line: "It's just unthinkable that something this massive could fall down." Uhhhh. No. It's not unthinkable. Many engineers train for years thinking about that very question, and how to make it very unlikely, but it's still possible. Maybe, having gone to an engineering school, I'm more open to the possibility. When I was in college, the 1981 Hyatt Regency skywalk collapse (billed here as the largest U.S. structural failure) and the 1986 Challenger explosion were big engineering failures that still quieted a room when they came up. The public kind of forgets (it's interesting...this collapse has more in common with the Hyatt than 9/11, yet everyone's rushing to make the 9/11 comparisons), but I think that's becuase by and large, engineers are damned good at their jobs. Mistakes happen, materials fail, and sometimes, you don't catch them in time. This will get (more) politicized, and there will be (more) finger-pointing, and there will even be conspiracy nutjobs claiming that George W. Bush personally melted the bridge supports with a beam from space.

But it doesn't change the fact that at some point in the not-too-distant future, one of my recurring nightmares will probably haunt me. It's the one where I'm driving, with family or friends (sometimes in my underwear, just to add a little extra kick to the horror) usually to some incredibly distant place or over some incredibly difficult terrain, and the vehicle I'm driving plunges off of a bridge. Sometimes the bridge is incomplete, sometime it's in the process of being repaired and the remaining surface is ridiculously inadequate for my car, or what have you, but in the end, there's always that pitching-forward-falling-toward-the-water feeling.

Thank God I always wake up before that one finishes. My heart and prayers go out to the people who had to go through that in reality this week, and to their families...particularly the ones who won't be waking up again.

Kowtowing to Muslim sensibilities

2007-08-02T17:49:00.000-05:00

I'm in no way a Gwen Stefani fan, but this article caught my eye, particular coming a day after reading this article by Christopher Hitchens. I find myself agreeing with Hitchens. Why should we worry about offending these folks? Your gods (God, Yahweh, Jehovah, Allah, or Flying Spaghetti Monster) and prophets are sacred to you, not necessarily to me. I was raised Christian (Catholic, actually), but I like to feel that I retain my sense of humor. Ralphie May does a hilarious comedy bit about Jesus and marijuana, and I laugh every time I hear it. But then, I can distinguish between humor and hate. Many fundamental (insert religion here)'s seem to have had a humorectomy. Or worse, they're just hypocrites. It's always interesting to turn the hidden video onto the supposedly "devout". My dad was raised Southern Baptist in Tennessee (he converted to Catholic when he married my mom). He always told me that the Baptist kids did everything that the non-Baptist kids did...they just hid it better.

Now, I'll grant that for her own safety, Ms. Stefani should probably refrain from doing anything that will get her arrested in a foreign country. But really, if the downside is that people won't come to her show, who cares? Okay, plenty of people with a financial interest in the show may care, but in the end, the reason a Gwen Stefani show would play (and sell tickets) in Malaysia is because she's Gwen-freakin'-Stefani! She's exporting the particular look and sound of a specific part of American culture. To change her show to avoid pissing off people who are likely enjoined from listening to her music anyway is just stupid.

Put another way, Ms. Stefani is directly aiding those who would decide what Malaysians may enjoy and what Malaysians may see. If it were Fort Wayne, IN instead of Kuala Lumpur, would she cave?

Now, before you get the idea that I'm one of those who wants to be able to yell "Fuck!" in a preschool, I am not. There should be certain standards for public behavior and decency. By public, I mean freely and openly available. Cable is not public. Satellite radio is not public (unless you're blasting it out your windows while you go through the McDonald's drive-thru). A concert that you have to pay admission to is not public. If you drag your children to an R-rated movie, or to a Gwen Stefani concert, you have no leg to stand on. Part of adhering to a moral code is to deny yourself access to those voluntary parts of the greater society which do not subscribe to your morals. If you choose to view them, and then choose to become offended, I have ZERO sympathy for you or your cause.

Interesting weekend

2007-07-30T10:45:00.000-05:00

Friday night, I finally made good on a promise to L, to attend a meeting for her business. It's a network marketing business, and I'm a potential part of her network. Because of my feelings for her, I agreed to give it a fair listen, and I did. I'm still not sure I'd want to start a business of my own, subordinate to hers, but I don't see much problem with using equivalent products from her business to replace things I already buy.

Saturday evening, I went to a silent and live auction for a local charity as my friend J's (female friend J, not Medifast J) date. Apparently, I was something of a minor hit, as J has been told that I'm welcome anytime. This wouldn't be unusual, except that it is unusual. Not all of J's companions to such functions seem to have made a positive impression. Of course, me being a graduate of her dad's alma mater might have something to do with it too.

I hate being the buzzkill brother

2007-07-25T12:32:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, my sister B sent me (and about 100 other people, looking at the To: list) a pretty cool-sounding email:

Planet Mars will be the brightest in the night sky starting August.It will look as large as the full moon to the naked eye. This will maximize on Aug. 27 when Mars comes within 34.65M miles of earth. Be sure to watch the sky on Aug. 27 12:30 am. It will look like the earth has 2 moons. The next time Mars may come this close is in 2287. Share this with your friends as NO ONE ALIVE TODAY will ever see it again.

Now, I'm a pretty big sucker for cool space news. I've woken my daughter up at 3:30 in the morning to go out onto a near-freezing patio to lie on sleeping bags and watch for meteor showers, so this sounded interesting. I Googled it, hoping that Space.com or someplace similar would have specifics about the best viewing time for my part of the country.

I suppose in retrospect, I should have guessed what I'd find. "Share this with your friends" should have been a big clue, and the breathless (and all-caps) admonition that "NO ONE ALIVE TODAY" would ever see this event should have thrown up red flags. But it still took me by mild surprise when a snopes entry for it came up. And of course, if I were as big an astronomy buff as I made myself out to be, the inclusion of the time (12:30 AM) without a time zone (e.g. 12:30 AM GMT) or a location (12:30 AM in the Central U.S.), or information about where it will be best viewed from should have been the final nail.

So naturally, I had to send mail back to my sister, telling her that it was untrue. In the past, I've been an asshole and replied back to her and everyone she sent it to, but she ripped me a new one the last time I did that, so I just sent her the link and told her that I was only sending the information to her, and she should do with it whatever she wanted. She sent out the retraction, "My brother brought it to my attention that the 2 moons message I forwarded is an internet hoax" to the entire To: list of her original message.

The weird part is that I feel bad about it. I can comfort myself knowing that no one will be looking at the sky on August 27, expecting to see a big-ass Mars (turns out the whole "two moons" illusion is a misrepresentation of how Mars would appear if you used a 75x telescope to look at it at that 34M mile distance...it would look as big in the telescope as the Moon looks to the naked eye, as I understand it). But, I know most of the people on that To: list, and I'm probably the only one who'd actually mark his calendar and try to see it, and I already knew it was crap. I feel like I just pissed in everyone's Wheaties, because thanks to me debunking B's message, the world is a slightly less-wondrous place.

So, the question to my imaginary readers is this: should I have just sat on the information, maybe use it as interesting dinner conversation at Thanksgiving (the next time I'm home), or did I do the "right thing?

Public Service Announcement

2007-07-18T17:02:00.001-05:00

Over the years, as my life has become increasingly digital, I've wondered what would happen if I died suddenly. Who would suddenly get no answer to an email or an IM? I mean, I know who those people are, but very few other people in my life do. Would they (or could they) access my accounts, and notify the people I stay in contact with?

The answer to that is probably "no". Think about it yourself. How many people would you be giving the cosmic dial-tone to if you passed?

I don't have the answer, short of updating my will to include all my online friends' contact information. I wonder if there's some way to escrow that sort of information...a single place to aggregate all of my contacts, that I could "permalink" (as it were) in my will? Am I six years too late with this sort of existential navel-gazing? Some research may be in order.

Funny ol' thing, life...

2007-07-18T16:23:00.000-05:00

Loreene, I miss you.

I found out about your death today, almost a month and a half after. I Google'd your name, and there was the obituary I copied in the previous post. You might ask why I'd copy it, and I'd answer:

Because newspaper obituaries come and go. If I'd waited a few more days, I might not have found it. And I want people to find it. People who knew you. People who loved you. People who might have fallen out of close contact with you. People who went on about their lives, assuming that because you were so young, they had plenty of time to write or call and see what you were up to.

People like me.

People who other people might not know to notify.

We had always done the "you dead?" emails, usually when I got busy at work and didn't have time to check my e-mail. The last time I got mail from you was in May, and ironically, it still had the "you dead?" subject line. I've replied to that email twice since then, checking on you. I can't begin to imagine what kind of sick joke the poor guys at your company thought I was pulling, if they saw that mail. I think you'd think that was hilarious, and if I wasn't missing you so much, I'd probably agree.

I don't know what made me pick today to check. I don't know what thought process said, "hey, she hasn't emailed back in a really long time, maybe you should google her and see if something happened." That's a joke. We both know what I was googling for. Hospital admissions don't show up that way. But obituaries do.

You know, the sack of hammers that hits you when you read a memorial for someone you love doesn't get any softer when you know you're half-expecting it.

You were my only fan here. You kept coming back, day after day, checking to see if I'd updated this piss-poor window on my life. You were my sounding board, my voice of reason, my cheerleader and my confessor. While there may be things I didn't tell you, there wasn't anything I couldn't tell you.

I don't pray alot anymore, but I pray you've gone to the reward you deserve. Life might have knocked you around, but you took it all with a grin, and a belief in better tomorrows that never failed to inspire me.

Damn, I'm going to miss you, darlin'.

Goodbye, Loreene

2007-07-18T16:16:00.000-05:00

From the Denton Record-Chronicle:

Loreene Anderson-Stoker

Loreene Anderson-Stoker, 41, of Denton, TX passed away Wednesday, June 6, 2007. She was born January 24, 1966 in Ridgewood, New Jersey. Mrs. Stoker married Neal Stoker on March 1, 2003 in Denton. She was a former volunteer for Festival Ballet of North Central Texas.

A memorial service will be held Monday, June 11, 2007, at 1 p.m. at Denton Funeral Home Chapel.

Loreene is lovingly remembered by her parents Stuart and Patricia Kerr; husband, Neal Stoker; her two sons, Kyle, and James Anderson; sister, Maggie Akhavan of Coon Rapids, MN; four brothers, James Sipp and family of Rochester, NH, John Sipp and family of Somersworth, NH, David Sipp and family of Lewisville, TX, and Andrew Sipp and family of Nyack, NY. She also leaves behind numerous nephews, nieces, and friends.

Memorial donations can be given to the American Cancer Society.

Services are under the direction of Denton Funeral Home and Cremation Services.

Let myself go? Hell, I threw myself off the frakkin' cliff!

2007-02-28T12:21:00.000-06:00

This morning's weigh-in: 335 lb.

Goal for March 19: 315 lb. (again)

Discrete projects to finish:

Finish Daughter's dresser (20 hrs)
Setup TiVo for cable box feed (2 hrs)
Reorganize/clean home office (4 hrs)
Scan remaining photos (8 hrs)
Edit/burn camcorder video (8 hrs)
Build subwoofers (12 hrs)
Rebuild/repaint guitar (8 hrs)

Daily goals:

Exercise each morning (cardio burndown, situps, pushups)
Get 7+ hours sleep
Arrive at work by 7:00 AM
TKD at least 4 days/week
Monday 1815 - 2045
Tuesday 1945 - 2115
Thursday 2000 - 2045
Saturday 0845 - 1315

Keep in mind that my unfulfilled project list is only those things I can do right now, without requiring additional expenditures (since I'm putting my finances on a diet too). To accomplish the first 3 daily goals, I need to be in bed by 10:00 PM. Getting to work by 7:00 AM (and not having to worry about making it to Daughter's TKD classes during the week), I could in theory put in 9-10 hours per day and still be home before 5:30 PM. Monday evenings would be shot, Tuesday evenings I would have about an hour and a half open, Wednesdays are D&D nights and Thursdays I'd have a good solid two hours. Fridays would be a wildcard, because if I get enough hours in before then, I can take the day (or at least the afternoon off).

I went into that little analysis thinking I'd be saying how little time I had to get my projects done, but a quick back-of-the-envelope calculation says that I have 28.5 hours per week when I'm not sleeping, working or TKDing (even with a full workday on Fridays). That should be plenty to knock off my big project list by the time I'm 39 on March 19. Perhaps I'll even get around to learning German and the guitar this year (also things I can do without further expenditures).

Three weeks

2007-02-27T10:09:00.000-06:00

In 21 days, I turn 39. Tonight, I test for my purple belt. And later this week, I'm 99.99% sure I'm going to join the ATA Leadership program. If things proceed as they should, I'll become a black belt shortly after I turn 40.

So is it any surprise, really, that I'm turning to Medifast again? While I was nursing my broken toe, I let myself go. I effectively stopped dieting, and since I couldn't participate 100% in class workouts, my caloric output suffered too.

The leadership program allows me to train and compete in eXtreme Martial Arts (XMA), which is basically a very flashy, showy version of Taekwondo, set to music, and combining modified TKD techniques with gymnastics and choreography. While I'm encouraged by seeing much fatter men compete in this, I don't want to limit myself to that.

Also, the leadership program starts training its members as instructors. Whether it's just to to bolster my existing desire to help other students, or it perhaps turns into a second income, this appeals to me a lot. But I've always told myself that I didn't want to be one of those people who earns a bullshit black belt.

I'm torn on this, because I know a lot of people who bust their ass to earn their belt, and don't have the physical ability to really make the forms look good. And I know people with a lot of talent who just coast through. It doesn't seem fair to penalize the person who's working hard, but neither does it seem fair to just give a person a belt (of any color) just because they're naturally flexible and balanced. If I teach the techniques, I want to be able to demonstrate the techniques. And there may come a point where my natural flexibility and balance reach their limits, but I don't think I can credibly say that at 330 pounds, I've found those absolute limits.

I'm also putting my finances on a diet. I've been on a spending binge. Yesterday was the end of that. I've decided that even though my birthday is 21 days away, what I bought yesterday (parts to restore a cheapo electric guitar, parts to build dual subwoofers for the bedroom, and an iPod interface for my Trailblazer) will constitute my "birthday presents to myself".

With Daughter's TKD classes being restructured to weekends only (the instructor's going to let her train with the adults on Saturdays on a trial basis, to make up for her not being in weekday classes with her age/belt group), I should be able to avoid the recent glut of eating out. When Daughter's class was 2-3 hours before mine, and she and her mother were facing a 75-minute drive back home, it was all too easy to go out to eat with them between her class and my class, and thus, not eat healthily.

Also driving some of this is that Ex-Wife has had lap-band surgery. Part of me just can't stand the idea that she'll get skinny before I will. I can do this without rearranging my insides. I will do this without rearranging my insides.

Hey, wait a second!!!!

2007-01-19T16:16:00.000-06:00

I was reading this article today, and almost let it slip by.

I almost was okay with it.

I almost thought there was a valid point.

Then the quote from the spokesperson for the Council on American-Islamic Relations hit me between the eyes:

"After watching the premiere, I was afraid to go to the grocery store because I wasn't sure the person next to me would be able to differentiate between fiction and reality."

Oh, really, Rabiah Ahmed? So you were afraid that the other patrons of your grocery store, sight unseen, as a group, were incapable of that distinction. What a broad, racist brush to paint with, my friend. Let's break this down for the slow kids:

You're afraid that you, as a presumably Middle Eastern Muslim, would be judged unfairly for the actions of a handful of fictional characters because you share a religion or ethnicity with those characters. You base this fear on relatively rare incidents of stereotypically Middle Eastern Muslims being singled out for harrassment as a result of 9/11, Al Qaeda, the Taliban, etc. So, you're prepared to judge pretty much the entirety of the non-Middle-Eastern-Muslim population of the United States on the actions of that handful of people, and further assume that that same non-Middle-Eastern-Muslim population is too stupid to tell the difference between a TV show and real terrorism.

I guess when you can play the put-upon minority card, you can get away with crap like that and no one will call you on it.

Shame on you, sir.

I will be waiting by the phone for your apology.

And yet, the holidays weren't a total loss

2007-01-02T10:46:00.000-06:00

Although I can probably attribute 100% of it to the past 4 days, if you do the math between the last two posts, I did manage to lose 6 pounds between December 19 and this morning. Not quite the almost-a-pound-a-day I'd need to average to make my latest goal, but given the quantities I consumed (and the egregious lack of exercise), losing at even close to half that rate is a flat miracle.

69 pounds, 79 days

2007-01-02T10:23:00.000-06:00

Official start weight, as of this morning: 319 lb.
Goal date: March 19.
Goal weight: 250 lb.
Skewed view of reality: check.

I actually took sufficient MediFast with me to be good, and a couple of mornings, I even had the oatmeal (shudder) for breakfast. I need to figure out some other way of dealing when I'm at home. Everyone wants to cook, and there's ALWAYS food in the house. And it's GOOD food. My sister B makes these sweet stuffed sausage rolls (basically little smokies wrapped in crescent dough, baked in a honey/brown sugar glaze), and my sister L makes mac & cheese that Daughter calls "Aunt L Macaroni" (which she requests whenever we visit). Plus, Mom's gotten it into her head that she needs to get up and cook us breakfast several days while we're there (bacon or sausage, scrambled eggs, toast...) At home, I can just not buy/not stock the ingredients and the problem is more or less solved by out of sight/out of mind. Clearly, if I'm going to maintain a healthy weight once I get there, I need a strategy for dealing with family food. Lucky for me, the next time I'm planning to be up home is after my latest goal date, so maybe I can let success speak for me. I just don't want to hurt anyone's feelings by snubbing their work. But I guess there's a reason that there are only three or four of us (including in-laws) who could be said to be in "good" shape, and mostly, they're the ones who are known to have some peculiar (if not healthy) eating habits.

I may have to break out a Dr. Phil "food-is-not-love" speech.

Another Phony-Bologna Milestone

2006-12-19T01:16:00.000-06:00

Yeah, yeah...I trust you're all bright enough to get the little joke in the title...and no, I don't mean me on yet another MediFast go-round.

Yes, boys and girls (okay, girl...and maybe boy)...it's 90 days until I turn 39 years old. Three statute months. One typical corporate password-expiration cycle. The length of a standard warranty. A quarter (call someone who cares).

So, what's the goal this time? 250 lb, or basically dropping 75 from where I am now. I'm allowing myself 2 days of "bad": Christmas, and Dec 27th (going to an aunt's house for a visit, and don't feel like explaining anything). I need to drop this weight (and more) if I ever hope to progress much further physically with Tae Kwon Do. As of tonight, I'll have earned my green belt, but I'm not sure I feel I've earned it. I mean, sure, I know the sequence of moves in the form, and I do them to the best of my ability, but having watched the Black Belt testing for the schools this last time around, I was underwhelmed. *These* are what I'm aspiring to be? *This* is the standard against which I'll be judged? I'm not trying to disparage anyone's effort. I'd personally rather see someone who's doing their personal best and busting their ass at it get rewarded with a belt than someone who's just incredibly physically gifted and sleepwalking through it. But I want to hold myself to a higher standard, even if the school won't. That may mean holding myself back testing cycles...it certainly means more serious attempts to get into shape...increase stamina...improve balance...extend range of motion.

As before, I'm going to try to keep stats in the blog, but the old format was a pain in the ass to keep up, so I'm thinking just a line of data...

weight(delta day / delta overall);bp;pulse;glucose;last bp med;last meal

it's mostly the same information, but without the weird formatting, I may be able to keep up with it better.

You've just read my latest "good intentions" post. Do you:

A) chuckle
B) shake your head ruefully
C) get a little mad at my stupidity
D) yell at the screen that I'm a putz

Well?

Forget Days 38-50...Whither November?!?!?

2006-11-27T10:16:00.000-06:00

In a nutshell, I fell off the wagon HARD, culminating in the realization that over Thanksgiving week at my Mom's house that I'd probably consumed more food in a week there than I had the entire months of September and October combined.

For those who were curious, I skipped the reunion. The idiots I went to high school with couldn't find their ass with both hands, and after making it an "all-80s" reunion, decided to make it an "all-years" reunion. Guess a bunch of people didn't really give a shit.

Now, my official reason for skipping the reunion was much more noble...Daughter injured herself on Mom's trampoline, so even though I got back from the ER in time to shower and go, it just wasn't worth the effort to see a bunch of people I didn't like much 20 years ago. Plus, siblings who went said I didn't miss much...though apparently Crystal is as hot as ever. I suppose if I find out that Trisha was there, I'd kick myself for not going, if only to see how time has treated her...I had such a big crush on her in high school, but really, beyond her larger-than-average chest and pretty face, I'm not sure at this distance what the fuss was about (though, really, for a 16-year-old boy, does it take more than "pretty, with big boobs"?). She was brighter than average, but with a strong dingy streak that seemed to come out when she was in "captain of the cheerleaders" mode...easy to talk to...encouraging...I guess when you're an overweight teenage geek in a small redneck town, any pretty girl who doesn't treat you like a pariah is going to throw you for a loop.

Speaking of which, I glimpsed a fairly ugly side of my sister B over the holidays. The topic was this guy, who apparently isn't considered handsome but frequents the local bar/dance club. He's always up for dancing, unlike most of the other patrons, so he doesn't seem to lack for female company. How many of those women he's ended up going home with (or doing anything more than dancing with) I don't know, but he's out there doing what the women like, and by all accounts, he's a funny guy with a great personality (uh-oh...death knell coming). Anyway, B makes a comment something like she just thinks it's weird that any woman would see anything in him. Now, I don't think B got the prize pig at the fair in the first place...the guy she married is a redneck who loves to drink and fight (matter-of-fact, he, his brother and his father got barred from this self-same bar for fighting Friday night - apparently a regular sport for them), but it just irked me that she places such a premium on looks. Maybe it goes back to the business with Trisha in high school...apparently, she got some "advice" from girls I'd known for years about whether or not to go out with me...as you might guess, these girls advised against it...I wasn't good enough for Trisha...

Every so often, a relative will tell me they ran into some girl or another I went to high school with...usually the hot ones...invariably, when they hear what it is I do and how much I make, their response is the same..."guess I should have paid more attention to him in high school"

And as angry as that makes me, to be judged positively for a shallow attribute where I was once judged negatively for a different shallow attribute, I can't help but think sometimes, "hey, it's not too late!"

So What The Hell Happened To Days 38-50?

2006-10-20T10:15:00.002-05:00

Eh. The less said about days 38-50, the better. Not that I did too poorly, although days 38 and 39 were bad food days for me (I let other peoples' eating habits influence mine, and made poor choices in what to eat). The past two weeks have been very busy at work, and fast foods worked their way back into the rotation. At my worst over the past 14 days, I was only up to 319, and I've managed to work myself back down to even losing a pound from my day 37 low point. The rubber's meeting the road, though. It's now exactly one month before I head back home for Thanksgiving, and 33 days until the reunion. Thanksgiving will be an interesting test. I tried staying on Medifast while I was home for the 4th of July, and pretty much totally failed. However, I'd only just started Tae Kwon Do, and wasn't seeing much in the way of results yet. Now there's more at stake. I'm 26 pounds lighter than I was almost 2 months ago. My gi fits better, I'm better able to participate in the calisthenics, and I feel better. Preserving that is a motivator.

Speaking of Tae Kwon Do, at the in-school tournament (just a competition between the three schools owned by our Master) I took first in my ring for both weapons and one-step sparring. I totally rocked the weapons form, though I felt bad for R. He could have competed with either Bahng Mahng Ee (stick) or Ssahng Jeol Bong (nunchucks). We'd spent the testing cycle working on a Bahng Mahng Ee form, but he'd been praticing with the chucks. He ended up doing the Bahng Mahng Ee form at the tournament, but decided to embellish it with some hand moves that weren't part of the form we learned. Specifically, he was moving his hand with the strokes at the beginning of the form, where we were taught to keep the empty hand up in a guard position. I think he probably got downscored for the improv, because the rest of his form looked pretty good. About the only thing I did that others didn't was to really emphasize the four slow strikes at the start of the form, trying to demonstrate strength and control. There was also a part of the form most people forgot (rolling the BME backward right after the round kick before rolling it forward, kneeling and smacking the mat with it). So, I'm thinking my pathological attention to detail probably got me the win, because everyone else is much more physically capable (more difficult "special moves", more fluid motion). I guess it's kinda like gymnastics. My program was a 9.6 program, and I nailed it...the others tried 9.8 and 9.9 programs, and flubbed some portion of them, resulting in lost score.

I did okay in the one-steps, but my footwork sucked. Since it was organized more like a full-up sparring competition (each match, the winner goes on to compete with others, loser is eliminated), I had to compete against several people. The final match was against S, who's technique was very strong. He's aggressive, but mostly controlled. In his first match, he ended up misjudging a kick and caught J (yet another J) in the chest with a kick. I don't think it was a damaging kick, just enough to startle J, but I believe S got a little rattled by it (he's aggressive, but he's not out to hurt people). It's worth noting that our ring had 7 competitors, 6 of which were from my school, and one from one of the other schools (there are three in the "chain"). S and J and I (me, not someone whose name starts with 'i') all have a good deal of experience with each others' styles, and we practice against each other all the time. So I know what S is capable of, and the kicks he was throwing at me for the win were not nearly as close as he normally likes to get. Meanwhile, not having hit anyone recently, I was trying to get S to "feel the wind" (which is what we've taken to saying when a punch or kick comes particularly close), and succeeding. My back-fists and punches were coming within a centimeter or two of his face, where his kicks were stopping several inches from my chest. As I said, S' technique was much better, his kicks higher and his footwork surer. If I'd been judging, overall I think he deserved the win. But if the judges were looking for "control" (defined as how quick and strong your move is combined with how close you can get without actually contacting your opponent), then I probably benefitted from S kicking J.

Ironically, I've also accidentally hit J. We're going to give him a complex. :-)

Thanks for putting up with the blather. More blather at some point in the future, but I'm going to try to keep up with the weight log.

Day 51 of 84

2006-10-20T09:47:00.000-05:00

Today's Weight: 314 pounds
Delta (day): -1 pounds
Delta (total): -26 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 41.4
Yesterday's Calories: not measured
Last Night's Sleep: not measured
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: Tae Kwon Do class (45 min)

Humble pie has no calories

2006-10-06T10:29:00.000-05:00

Well, I made it to my Friday goal of 315. Bouyed by my early-week success and good weekend, I was starting to get cocky about how fast I can shed pounds, thinking I'd be 314 or even 313 by today, with maybe 311 being possible by Monday. I'd still like to set a stretch goal of 313 by Monday (sticking with a pound a day), but I'll be happy with 314 by Monday.

Sometimes my own density (mental, not physical) amazes me. In last night's class, we started with a pretty strenuous workout, then went right into doing our testing material (forms, sparring combos, one-steps, and self-defense), following that with slow-kicking drills. By the time we got to one-minute punching and kicking drills, I was drained. We were in groups of three, one holding a heavy bag, one doing the drill, and the third "waiting" by doing sit-ups. I got through the first round of situps okay, but I ended up sitting out the other two rounds of situps. Well, more properly, I ended up gasping for breath while lying on the mat, trying to gather enough energy for the next drill. After the third round of situps, the head instructor made a comment to me about having left a pool of sweat. I sweat. A LOT. If I haven't bitched here about how much fun it is to have a 13-year-old comment incessantly on your sweat output, it's been an oversight. Anyway, I made a remark like, "that's what happens when a body this size moves a lot, sir", and added, "the sweat jokes never get old, sir".

It wasn't until probably two hours after class that I realized that the comment probably wasn't intended as a snarky joke. Most gyms have a fairly strict policy about wiping down the machine after you've used it. Now, granted, I've been going to Tae Kwon Do class for 4.5 months now, and no one's made an issue of it, but the other guy who sweats profusely has brought a towel with him from day one. I'm pretty sure the instructor was trying to subtly(!) tell me that I should wipe up my own sweat from the mat, particularly if it's enough to pool up, for safety reasons, if nothing else. So, it's off to Wal-Mart this evening to pick up some suitable towels to throw in my sparring bag, to avoid future issues with my sweat.

Man, I'm a dumbass sometimes.

Day 37 of 84

2006-10-06T10:28:00.000-05:00

Today's Weight: 315 pounds
Delta (day): -1 pounds
Delta (total): -25 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 41.5
Yesterday's Calories: not measured
Last Night's Sleep: not measured
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: Tae Kwon Do class (45 min, particularly strenuous)

Day 36 of 84

2006-10-05T11:48:00.000-05:00

Today's Weight: 316 pounds
Delta (day): 0 pounds
Delta (total): -24 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 41.7
Yesterday's Calories: not measured
Last Night's Sleep: not measured
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: none

One week to go! (until halftime)

2006-10-04T12:01:00.000-05:00

On Wednesday of next week, it'll be day 42. Ignoring the awesome cosmological significance of that number, my weight that day should tell me roughly how much I can expect to lose "on the backstretch" (speaking of backstretches, I'm going to the Dickies 500 in November!). If figure I'm good for 5 pounds, that puts me at 311 on the 11th, or 29 pounds down at the half, which says that a reasonable goal should be 29 pounds under that, or about 282. 282 would be the lowest I've weighed pretty much my entire adult life. (And ironically, would leave 42 pounds to go for the original goal #1). This also puts me roughly on par with J, whose "30 pounds in 40 days" success rate was my orginal inspiration for starting Medifast.

Yes, 42 is the answer. Don't Panic, dammit!

Day 35 of 84

2006-10-04T11:58:00.000-05:00

Today's Weight: 316 pounds
Delta (day): -2 pounds
Delta (total): -24 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 41.7
Yesterday's Calories: not measured
Last Night's Sleep: not measured
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: Tae Kwon Do class (45 min)

Day 34 of 84

2006-10-03T09:52:00.000-05:00

Today's Weight: 318 pounds
Delta (day): -2 pounds
Delta (total): -22 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 41.9
Yesterday's Calories: not measured
Last Night's Sleep: not measured
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: Tae Kwon Do class (45 min)

A losing weekend...

2006-10-02T14:26:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm not going to claim that I've discovered the key, but I managed to do enough right this weekend to not just avoid gaining, but actually shed a pound or two. I could have behaved better (and hope to in the future), but I'll take this as a step in the right direction.

It's Monday. I'm setting a goal for Friday of 315, and a goal for the following Monday of 314. Stay tuned, data hounds...

I think this "Luann" might be the truest, most succinct treatment of its subject that I've seen.

Okay, that is all.

Day 33 of 84

2006-10-02T14:25:00.000-05:00

Today's Weight: 320 pounds
Delta (day): 0 pounds
Delta (total): -20 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 42.2
Yesterday's Calories: not measured
Last Night's Sleep: not measured
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: none

Day 32 of 84

2006-10-02T14:24:00.000-05:00

Today's Weight: 320 pounds
Delta (day): -1 pounds
Delta (total): -20 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 42.2
Yesterday's Calories: not measured
Last Night's Sleep: not measured
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: Tae Kwon Do class (75 min)

Day 31 of 84

2006-10-02T14:23:00.000-05:00

Today's Weight: 321 pounds
Delta (day): -1 pounds
Delta (total): -19 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 42.3
Yesterday's Calories: not measured
Last Night's Sleep: not measured
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: none

Day 30 of 84

2006-10-02T14:20:00.000-05:00

Today's Weight: 322 pounds
Delta (day): -0 pounds
Delta (total): -18 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 42.5
Yesterday's Calories: not measured
Last Night's Sleep: not measured
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: Tae Kwon Do class (45 min)

Yes, I know 20-29 are out of order...

2006-09-28T19:03:00.000-05:00

...what I don't know is why, and I don't care enough to delete all the posts and recreate them. So there. :-)

The data in them is correct (like you care), so the information on Day 29 is relative to Day 28, which is relative to Day 27, etc. ad nauseum to Day 20.

One of these days I'll have enough spare time for a screed or two, but for now, it's just the data.

If I use the first 28 days (1/3 of the time) as an indication, I should be able to get down to 292 by my goal date. I actually hope to do better than that, and get closer to 270 by then. If you've been tracking the data (of course you have, you statistic-hungry little buggers) you'll notice that over the past three weeks, my weight's jumped up after Friday, and started going back down on Monday. I'd thought that I could allow myself to relax the rules a bit on Fridays for one meal, but it turns out that's slippery-slope territory. One meal on Friday becomes two meals on Friday, which becomes 2 meals on Saturday too, and what the hell, why not Sunday?

It'll be a little easier on Saturdays now that my ex has moved herself and Daughter about 75 minutes away, since I'll go pick Daughter up to make it to sparring and weapons classes on Saturdays (2.5 hour round trip) and drop her off again (2.5 hour round trip). That will keep me out of the kitchen pretty much all day on Saturdays that Daughter isn't at my house for the weekend...luckily, I have a bunch of audiobooks from Audible.com that I bought and haven't had time to listen to, so I can catch up on those. The trick will be to take enough shakes with me to not get hungry on the drive and succumb to the lure of the drive-thru.

Day 29 of 84

2006-09-28T18:57:00.001-05:00

Today's Weight: 322 pounds
Delta (day): -2 pounds
Delta (total): -18 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 42.5
Yesterday's Calories: not measured
Last Night's Sleep: not measured
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: Tae Kwon Do class (45 min)

Day 28 of 84 (33.3333%)

2006-09-28T18:57:00.000-05:00

Today's Weight: 324 pounds
Delta (day): -1 pounds
Delta (total): -16 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 42.7
Yesterday's Calories: not measured
Last Night's Sleep: not measured
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: Tae Kwon Do class (45 min)

Day 27 of 84

2006-09-28T18:56:00.000-05:00

Today's Weight: 325 pounds
Delta (day): -2 pounds
Delta (total): -15 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 42.9
Yesterday's Calories: not measured
Last Night's Sleep: not measured
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: Tae Kwon Do class (45 min)

Day 26 of 84

2006-09-28T18:55:00.001-05:00

Today's Weight: 327 pounds
Delta (day): +2 pounds
Delta (total): -13 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 43.1
Yesterday's Calories: not measured
Last Night's Sleep: not measured
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: none

Day 25 of 84

2006-09-28T18:55:00.000-05:00

Day 24 of 84

2006-09-28T18:54:00.000-05:00

Today's Weight: 324 pounds
Delta (day): +2 pounds
Delta (total): -16 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 42.7
Yesterday's Calories: not measured
Last Night's Sleep: not measured
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: none

Day 23 of 84

2006-09-28T18:53:00.000-05:00

Day 22 of 84

2006-09-28T18:52:00.001-05:00

Today's Weight: 324 pounds
Delta (day): 0 pounds
Delta (total): -16 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 42.7
Yesterday's Calories: not measured
Last Night's Sleep: not measured
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: none

Day 21 of 84 (25%)

2006-09-28T18:52:00.000-05:00

Days 20 of 84

2006-09-28T18:47:00.000-05:00

Day 19 of 84

2006-09-18T18:29:00.000-05:00

Today's Weight: 327 pounds
Delta (day): -2 pounds
Delta (total): -13 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 43.1
Yesterday's Calories: not measured
Last Night's Sleep: not measured
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: none

Day 18 of 84

2006-09-18T18:28:00.000-05:00

Today's Weight: 329 pounds
Delta (day): +5 pounds
Delta (total): -11 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 43.4
Yesterday's Calories: not measured
Last Night's Sleep: not measured
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: Tae Kwon Do classes (75 min)

Day 17 of 84

2006-09-18T18:26:00.000-05:00

Day 16 of 84

2006-09-18T18:25:00.000-05:00

Today's Weight: 325 pounds
Delta (day): 0 pounds
Delta (total): -15 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 42.9
Yesterday's Calories: not measured
Last Night's Sleep: not measured
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: Tae Kwon Do class (45 min)

Day 15 of 84

2006-09-18T18:24:00.000-05:00

Today's Weight: 325 pounds
Delta (day): -1 pounds
Delta (total): -15 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 42.9
Yesterday's Calories: not measured
Last Night's Sleep: not measured
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: Tae Kwon Do class (45 min)

Day 14 of 84

2006-09-18T18:19:00.000-05:00

Today's Weight: 326 pounds
Delta (day): -1 pounds
Delta (total): -14 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 43.0
Yesterday's Calories: not measured
Last Night's Sleep: not measured
Yesterday's BP: 126/83, 55 pulse at 11:05 AM
Yesterday's Glucose: 135 mg/dL at 11:10 AM (40 min after meal)
Yesterday's Exercise: Tae Kwon Do class (45 min)

Day 13 of 84

2006-09-12T11:08:00.000-05:00

Today's Weight: 327 pounds
Delta (day): -2 pounds
Delta (total): -13 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 43.1
Yesterday's Calories: 1100
Last Night's Sleep: 5.0 hours
Yesterday's BP: 122/75, 51 pulse at 4:00 PM
Yesterday's Glucose: 119 mg/dL at 4:00 PM (15 min after meal)
Yesterday's Exercise: Tae Kwon Do class (45 min)

Day 12 of 84

2006-09-11T16:16:00.000-05:00

Today's Weight: 329 pounds
Delta (day): -1 pounds
Delta (total): -11 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 43.4
Yesterday's Calories: 2000+
Last Night's Sleep: 5.5 hours
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: none (seriously, does moving furniture count?)

Day 11 of 84

2006-09-11T16:14:00.000-05:00

Today's Weight: 330 pounds
Delta (day): +4 pounds
Delta (total): -10 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 43.5
Yesterday's Calories: 2000+
Last Night's Sleep: 6.0 hours
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: Tae Kwon Do classes (75 min)

Day 10 of 84

2006-09-11T16:06:00.000-05:00

Today's Weight: 326 pounds
Delta (day): -2 pounds
Delta (total): -14 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 43.0
Yesterday's Calories: 1700+
Last Night's Sleep: 8.0 hours
Yesterday's BP: 125/80, 60 pulse at 10:15 AM
Yesterday's Glucose: 141 mg/dL at 10:15 AM (1.25 hrs after meal)
Yesterday's Exercise: none (does moving furniture count?)

Day 9 of 84

2006-09-08T10:25:00.000-05:00

Today's Weight: 328 pounds
Delta (day): -2 pounds
Delta (total): -12 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 43.3
Yesterday's Calories: 1360
Last Night's Sleep: 6.0 hours
Yesterday's BP: 135/78, 51 pulse at 12:00PM
Yesterday's Glucose: 95 mg/dL at 12:10 PM (3 hrs after meal)
Yesterday's Exercise: Tae Kwon Do class (45 min)

Day 8 of 84

2006-09-07T12:30:00.000-05:00

Today's Weight: 330 pounds
Delta (day): -1 pounds
Delta (total): -10 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 43.5
Yesterday's Calories: 1313
Last Night's Sleep: 6.5 hours
Yesterday's BP: 136/81, 55 pulse at 12:20PM
Yesterday's Glucose: 111 mg/dL at 12:20 PM (2.3 hrs after meal)
Yesterday's Exercise: none

Day 7 of 84

2006-09-06T12:32:00.000-05:00

Today's Weight: 331 pounds
Delta (day): -4 pounds
Delta (total): -9 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 43.7
Yesterday's Calories: 1530 (approx.)
Last Night's Sleep: 6.5 hours
Yesterday's BP: 153/96, 56 pulse at 3:15 PM
Yesterday's Glucose: 77 mg/dL at 3:15 PM (2.5 hrs after meal)
Yesterday's Exercise: Tae Kwon Do class (45 min)

Day 6 of 84

2006-09-05T16:29:00.001-05:00

Today's Weight: 335 pounds
Delta (day): +1 pounds
Delta (total): -5 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 44.2
Yesterday's Calories: 3000ish
Last Night's Sleep: 6.5 hours
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: none

Day 5 of 84

2006-09-05T16:25:00.000-05:00

Today's Weight: not measured
Delta (day): not measured
Delta (total): not measured
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): not measured
Yesterday's Calories: 4000ish
Last Night's Sleep: 8 hours
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: none

Day 4 of 84

2006-09-05T16:20:00.000-05:00

Today's Weight: 335 pounds
Delta (day): -1 pounds
Delta (total): -5 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 44.2
Yesterday's Calories: 4000ish
Last Night's Sleep: 9 hours
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: none

Day 3 of 84

2006-09-05T16:11:00.000-05:00

Today's Weight: 336 pounds
Delta (day): +2 pounds
Delta (total): -4 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 44.3
Yesterday's Calories: 4090 (ordered pizza for Daughter's sleepover)
Last Night's Sleep: 6.5 hours
Yesterday's BP: 144/89, 51 pulse at 12:35 PM
Yesterday's Glucose: 101 mg/dL at 12:45 PM (4 hrs after meal)
Yesterday's Exercise: none

Day 2 of 84

2006-09-01T11:44:00.000-05:00

Today's Weight: 334 pounds
Delta (day): -6 pounds (probably spurious, but recorded as observed)
Delta (total): -6 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 44.1
Yesterday's Calories: 2225 (going-away lunch for admin. asst., cheddar popcorn with movie)
Last Night's Sleep: 5.75 hours
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: Tae Kwon Do class (45 min)

Day 1 of 84

2006-08-31T10:41:00.000-05:00

Since today is a baseline-establishing day:

Today's Weight: 340 pounds (baseline)
Delta (day): 0 pounds
Delta (total): 0 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 44.8
Yesterday's Calories: not measured
Last Night's Sleep: 5.25 hours
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: Tae Kwon Do class (45 min)

Once More Unto The Breach, Dear Friends...

2006-08-30T15:43:00.000-05:00

Yes, MediFast again. Tae Kwon Do has been doing wonders for my general level of fitness, but mostly, it's just redistributing weight, not reducing it. For example, while my waist seems to get progressively (albiet slowly) smaller, my thighs have bulked up to the point that my jeans feel tight.

I have 7 weeks until the next belt test. At that time, assuming I graduate to camouflage belt, I'll begin live sparring. Plus, I'm starting to reach the point where my ability to perform the moves is based more on my weight and balance than on my muscular condition. Time to shed the weight, not just maintain.

Roughly a month after that belt test will be my 20th high-school reunion. If I can't go with the love of my life on my arm, I want to go looking at least improved over my high school self. So, figure 12 weeks until that, or 84 days. I could publish an unrealistic goal here, as I've done before, but I think I'm going to settle for just tracking progress. I'm going to commit to myself to post the following here on a daily basis for the next 12 weeks (8/31 - 11/23):

Today's Weight: nnn pounds
Delta (day): nn pounds
Delta (total): nn pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): nn.n
Yesterday's Calories: nnn
Last Night's Sleep: n.n hours
Yesterday's BP: nn/nn at nn:nnn
Yesterday's Glucose: nn at nn:nn, nn:nn after meal
Yesterday's Exercise: xxxx

Feeling a Little Low

2006-08-15T10:15:00.000-05:00

L is as adamant as ever that she's sticking with the ex. The funny thing is, I never hear how much she loves him, just that she's sticking with him, and that he's changed and getting better all the time. To me that says she's just being stubborn...

Yup. There's nothing I can't turn into a ray of hope to justify my own view of the world.

Also, I came to a bit of a realization last night at Tae Kwon Do class. One of the teenage students (the adult class is 13 & over) is an attention-seeker with a short attention span. Over the past several weeks, he's had his belt taken away, his weapons taken away, injured my hip by being impatient during a stretching exercise, turned into a mini-stalker trying to impress a 15-year-old female student, and just generally run aruond showcasing his "hyperness", which he seems proud of, given that he'll gladly tell you what sugary treat he's had right before class. Supposedly, he's ADHD (but I only have that information from him). He's not a bad kid, it doesn't seem, just seems unwilling to take things seriously and pay attention to the instructors (yes, I know, if it's ADHD, he's incapable of it, but this seems more like "teenage boy" than ADHD).

The trouble is, I find myself getting drawn into conversations with him, which ultimately serve no purpose other than to distract me from my reason for being there, which is to train. And, since I have a bit of a clown gene in me as well, I need to watch myself to make sure that my attempts to amuse myself and other students doesn't become a disruption in their own right.

On the plus side, I'm really enjoying the classes, and I'm seriously considering signing up for the leadership program, which is essentially the training program for future instructors. I wouldn't want to do it unless I were completely physically capable of demonstrating all of the moves, but I do enjoy teaching, and I have noticed other students seeking out my opinion and help on the forms and techniques, at least from a "what do we do in what order" kind of way. So, maybe I'm a natural. :-)

Guess I forgot to feel low there for a minute or two...must mean the Black Mood doesn't have a total grip on me yet.

Been A While...

2006-07-26T15:31:00.000-05:00

Over a month in fact.

I haven't really felt like updating lately. Too much going on in real life. But, a few updates:

The calisthenics in Taekwondo class are getting progressively easier, by which I mean I can do more of them before giving up, not that they've become trivial. I still leave each class drenched in sweat, muscles burning. Earned two of three stripes last night as progress toward my yellow belt.

Still trying to talk Daughter into entering the August tournament as a yellow-belt (since she'll just be doing the forms and one-step sparring combos she'll already have to have mastered to earn her camo belt). May have to enter myself, or at least volunteer to help run it (having helped organize large Quiz Bowl tournaments in high school).

Bought a Wavemaster kicking target, so Daughter and I can practice beating the crap out of things at home. Haven't quite decided where it will "live". Same for the leg-stretcher (Daughter doesn't need it, she's limber as a cat) to help dear old Dad with his kicks.

My dining room tapestry came in. It's an Old World map, very cool. Daughter saw it last night, and said "ewww, it's got naked people on it". And sure enough, there are some unclothed breasts and buttocks (in the style of the period the map was drawn), but not pictured in any sort of sexual way (mostly nymphs on the half-shell in ocean scenes, or angelic figures in sky). I tried to explain to her that it was art, and that nudity isn't inherently bad, but her comment was, "well, some peoples' art sucks". Wonder if she gets this from her mother who, while not being a prude, has some relatively old-fashioned ideas about nudity. The bra section of the Sears catalog is more erotic than the figures on the tapestry. Wonder if the ex will pitch a fit about it. I'd hate to have to go back and bowdlerize such a nice tapestry. Now all I need to do is find the right mounting hardware. I'm thinking kinda old-worldy wrought iron mounts with open-basket finials, to echo the iron-work on the living room end- and coffee-tables.

Oh, what else...not a whole lot, really. Just more work and less sleep...and uncontrolled cheating on the diet. Doctor isn't happy with my tracking of my blood pressure (stupid wrist cuff is accurate enough, but it frackin' BEEPS, so I can't really use it at my desk during the day), but I have officially lost 5 lb since I saw him last...which is about 1/10 of what I'd have liked to have lost.

Back to the grind.

Monday Weigh-In

2006-06-19T09:26:00.000-05:00

325. 85 lb to go for Goal #1, 145 to go for Goal #2

Dork a la Orange

2006-06-17T16:58:00.000-05:00

As of Thursday night, I'm an orange belt in Songahm Taekwondo, and Daughter's a yellow belt. I felt a little rushed to only have three weeks to learn the forms that would normally be part of an eight-week cycle, but I did okay, and Daughter nailed hers...the nice part is that the way the school runs, we'll both be learning the same form (she'll be learning the actual yellow belt form, I'll be learning the yellow belt form as an orange belt, then going back and learning the orange belt form as a yellow belt with the next class of orange belts...)

I think my big goal for the class is to be able to do all the calisthenics the instructors throw at us. Right now, I have to accept my limits and not overdo, and I'm sure as we advance, the cals will get tougher...but it's a good goal.

Monday Weigh-In

2006-06-12T10:41:00.000-05:00

327. No net loss since Thursday. 8lb to go for 10-lb mini-milestone.

Theory: the rate of muscle development (mass-wise) from the TKD workouts is keeping pace with the weight loss. Muscle's 2x the density of fat, so if this is true, I should notice clothes fitting looser even with no scale loss.

Oh, Good Morning, Mr. Tyler. Going...Down?

2006-06-09T11:25:00.000-05:00

Why yes, my weight is, thanks for asking. Down to 327 as of this morning. BowWowWowYippeeOhYippeeYay.

I'm not sure what to credit...sticking to the MediFast (with exceptions, but fewer), or the Tae Kwon Do workouts. Probably a combination of both. Last night, the sadistic (not really, they don't want you going past your abiilties) instructors had us do three "ab-related" exercises in a row: situps, leg-raises, and "rotating" leg-raises. Oddly, my abs don't hurt as bad as they did the first couple of days, but I know I didn't do as many as they wanted.

Also, they added three different flavors of push-ups: partner pushups, where two people face each other doing pushups and after each up-stroke, they take their right hand up and clap against their partner's hand; "bouncing" push-ups, where you push-up and shift to the right or left of a line on each up-stroke; and "around the clock" push-ups where you do a similar shift, but basically describe a half-circle with your body (feet remain stationary) one push up at a time (12-1, 1-2, 2-3, 3-4, 4-5, 5-6) and then back again in the same fashion.

So, clearly more exercise on non-TKD class nights is warranted to jump-start my ability to do sit-ups (and related exercises) and pushups.

It's A Good Story

2006-06-05T09:18:00.000-05:00

Wednesday night, at Game Night, the table banter turned (as it has for the past few months) to making "Brokeback Mountain" jokes. I haven't seen the film, have no desire to. Perhaps that makes me closed-minded, perhaps that makes me unwilling to further reward artists for making movies I don't want to see. I mean, other than topping off the pop-culture tanks, I have zero curiousity to see this film.

Now, that may have something to do with the fact that I might be the only person on the planet who didn't think that "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" was a masterpiece. Yes, visually stunning, but the story seemed disjoint.

Anyway, the only woman at the table (and one of only two people at the table who've actually seen the film) offered her opinion of the film, at one point saying, "it's a good story". I was stupid enough to try arguing with her, on the grounds that you can't evaluate the goodness of the story without considering the viewer (beauty and the beholder, anyone?) To wit, there is no story that is absolutely good (or absolutely bad), just on its own merits. I finally got her to admit that it was her opinion that it was a good story, but she seemed peeved that I'd even argue the point. If I'm offended by, or at best, disinterested in a story about a homosexual affair between two ranchers, it's not a good story for me. I won't say it's a bad story, but I'm under no automatic obligation to see it just because you think it's good. There've been many stories that I've suspended judgement on until I've seen them. "Brokeback Mountain" won't be one of them.

It's Satisfaction, Enormous Satisfaction

2006-06-05T08:54:00.000-05:00

229 as of this morning. Technically, down 6 from Friday morning.

A friend and I have a little wager going, with 10 lb milestones, and weigh-ins on Mondays. Either I'm 60% of the way to my first milestone, or I've just set the baseline.

Probably should verify that, given the stakes. :-)

Had a grand time with L and her girls yesterday, right up to the point she felt the need to rush home because she thought my ex was headed over at 6:00. I kept telling L that she didn't need to rush (I knew that my ex would call first, since she knew that L & the girls were over at my house), but to no avail. We went swimming (first time for me this season), and I got a mild burn in some of the less-well-sunscreeened areas, but overall, a good time by all.

But you knew that couldn't be the end of the story, right? In the course of conversation yesterday, L kinda hinted that things might not be all that great with her live-in, not-remarried-but-probably-having-sex, ex-husband. And in much the way a drowning man grasps at a line, my brain's latched onto that. Just not sure how to bring it up and test the water.

And just to prove that the universe has a quite perverse sense of humor, just as this new hope with L shows up, things have been inching ever so slightly forward with J (the woman I wrote about several posts ago, not my male friend and fellow MediFaster J).

Not content with my love life, the universe decided to have a little additional appliance fun. The microwave doesn't work now. I went to heat some water for bullion Saturday, and heard a "pop". The water stayed tepid even after 10 minutes in the 'wave. I think I'll be happier overall just replacing the damn thing (about $300 for a same-brand, slightly more capacious model) than calling out a repair tech, and having to make the same kind of choice I just made with the fridge.

Captain Algorithm, out.

The Dixie Twits

2006-06-02T12:34:00.000-05:00

I don't even listen to much country music, and I never cared too much about the The Dixie Chicks, but I'm sick of hearing about it.

I touched on this a while back talking about how some people feel the need to inform others how embarrassed or ashamed they are to be loosely affiliated with someone else.

So the Chicks are back...and they're Not Ready To Make Nice. Good for them.

Here's my central argument. They were ashamed that the President is from the same state they are. They told a European audience this. To Americans, it seemed like pandering to the European crowd (would they have told a group in Houston the same thing? would they have felt the need to?) I'll say this: I don't agree that personal threats should have been made against them as a result. They're entitled to their opinion, and they're entitled to share it with whoever's willing to pay $90 to go to their concert and hear them preachify. By the same token, fans who wanted to organize Dixie Chick CD-barbeques were just as entitled to express their displeasure with their statement. And, since radio is supported by advertising, which is in turn dependent on listeners, if a radio station feels it needs to stop playing Chicks music to keep its listenership, that's just the free market, baby.

None of this makes the Chicks right or wrong. I personally thought their statement was ignorant, and just a little hypocritical. They're outspoken opponents of the war, and they cite being mothers as the impetus behind that. War is ugly, young people die in them, and mothers have always hated that (with the possible exception of Spartan mothers, who seemed to understand warrior culture and honor). But don't you think a band who's recorded a song whose hook is "Earl had to die" may not have the highest moral ground to stand on?

And yes, I understand that "Goodbye, Earl" is a song about the evils of spousal abuse, and that it's helped raise awareness of the problem, etc. etc. etc. But if you can sing about using violence to solve one problem, perhaps you should be prepared for people to find your opinions unpopular when you decry it in other situations.

Finally, there are those who wonder why people would stop listening to the music, just because of the personal statements of the band members. After all, they argue, they didn't become less-talented musicians just because their foot fits in their mouth. Well, let's ask the question a slightly different way. If I spend close to $100 a ticket to hear music, why should I be subjected to the personal opinions of the musicmakers (except, of course, when those opinions are actually contained within the songs, and I ostensibly know what I'm getting into)?

Since the Chicks' new CD just debuted at #1, perhaps in addtion to being ashamed that President Bush is from Texas, they could be a little appreciative of all this free publicity.

Tae Kwon D'oh!

2006-06-02T11:38:00.000-05:00

Okay. I did it. I went to the first "Dads train free" class at Daughter's TKD school.

As you might imagine, a 6'1", 335 lb (yes, I've gained since March, about 12 lb) man is going to have a bit of trouble. I just didn't expect to have as much trouble with the basic calisthenics as I did. I can do about 10 push-ups, and maybe 1 sit-up. I think the problem with the sit-ups is that my upper body masses WAY more than my lower body, so there's no leverage. The sit-ups were done solo, which means no one holding the feet. I felt like a frackin' turtle on it's back.

Also, I think a salad w/chicken at the local Mexican place before class was probably a bad idea (and not just because it's not on the plan I outlined yesterday).

Regardless, I'll probably go back. Next class is Saturday. I can probably make 4 classes a week (Mon, Tue, Thu, Sat), which gives me 15 classes to figure out if I want to pay almost $80 a month for further torture (for the quick among you, I know there are 16 opportunities between now and June 30 on that schedule, but I'd have to miss this coming Monday).

My balance needs help. My flexibiilty needs help (particularly when it comes to the side kicks). Oddly enough, I seemed pretty solid on the punches, blocks and front snap-kicks (at least for my first time trying them all). Oh, and my general fitness level. Well, that's the whole point of the Medifast thing, right? And this IS exercise. Not just exercise, but exercise that really kinda requires me to do more exercise outside the class to not look like a total idiot.

Funny how shame is a more powerful motivator than health.

Insert Clever Title Here

2006-06-01T12:54:00.000-05:00

June 1st.

By my wildly optimistic calculations, I should have hit my first goal (240 lb.) by this past Saturday.

Didn't happen.

Not surprising, really, considering I haven't really been giving any more than lip service to MediFast since about the beginning of April.

So, another pseudo-milestone is here. "What, oh what," you may ask, "is your wacky plan this time?"

Even if you didn't ask, you're going to get told. I remained convinced that MediFast can work (if only because J's wife has become pregnant as a result of her renewed sexual interest in his dramatically slimmer self), and as I've covered here before, the key is the evening. While I'm at work, the oatmeal, three shakes and the "candy" bar are plenty. I feel fine, not at all hungry and everything's great. Instead of the "salad with chicken on it" approach, I'm going to try using a double-packet of MediFast for dinner (I bought the chili, and while it's not bad-tasting, it's a bit inconvenient for work, so we'll see how it works). The MediFast site suggests taking an acid reducer (like Tagamet) to avoid the "gnawing" feelings, as they could be excess acid production.

So, we'll see. I'll do an official weigh-in tomorrow and reset my exepctations based on a June 1 start.

In other news:

Had to replace the refrigerator. Old one had an obstructed capillary line, and the repair was going to cost $750 with a 90-day warranty. It's nice having ice again.

Had to get the "downstairs" A/C recharged with Freon-22. Hell of a lot cheaper than it could have been.

Got the garage rearranged and the router table bench made. I've decided I still eventually need a sliding compound miter saw. The table saw is great for ripping, but not so good at cross-cutting narrow stock. I can use the circular saw to cross-cut, but it's not as precise.

Still need to replace the fence. The guy my friend used seems to have ceased being a going concern. The website's gone, and the phone he'd called me on has been disconnected.

I'm supposed to start "Dads train free" month at Daugther's Tae Kwon Do class tonight, but I'm considering ditching. I hate looking like a fool, and God knows a big guy like me isn't going to make a graceful sport like TKD look good. And there's no WAY I'm gonna be able to do a round kick above my belt. I'm just not that flexible. On the other hand, it would be exercise, and flexibility improves with practice.

No progress on guitar.

No progress on erasing the sleep debt.

An Icy Hand Gripping Your Intestines

2006-05-11T17:37:00.000-05:00

The title refers to a feeling.

How do you get this feeling?

Get this phone call:

Ex-wife: You need to get to the school now.
Me: Why?
Ex-wife: Someone just tried to take Daughter from the playground.

Nothing convinces you that someday you may have a very real need to put a .45-caliber plug in someone's sick desires than THAT phone call. Do you know how many times you can violently kill someone in your imagination in the course of a 20-minute drive? I don't care about this scumbag's rights, I don't care about due process, I don't care about his late night sneaky uncle growing up. As far as I'm concerned, every registered sex offender in a several-mile radius is a suspect, and I could give a rat's ass about "quiet enjoyment". If you're a social liberal, you are hereby invited to stop reading my blog 4 sentences ago.

Daughter was on the school playground, but somewhat away from the rest of the kids. A guy approached her from behind a tree and told her to come with him. She made a beeline for her teacher and reported it. She said she was too scared to remember her Tae Kwon Do self-defense forms, but it sounds like he didn't get within grabbing range (still unclear on how close he got), so it's time to reinforce to her that getting away is always the goal, and she shouldn't reduce the distance between herself and a stranger just to get a good kick in.

I'm guessing it'll be a long time before she separates from the herd again. Still, all the talking and training has done it's job. She did exactly the right thing, even if she's a little frustrated that she didn't stick around long enough to get a good look at the guy.

Suddenly, there aren't nearly enough cameras watching us. I want this asshole's face on tape, and I want him off the streets. But first, I want 30 seconds to impress upon him just how little I care about going to jail for gunning his ass down if he were to hurt my daughter.

All Apologies For The Pity Party...

2006-05-09T13:57:00.000-05:00

I have such BIG problems, don't I?

Every so often, I forget to count my many blessings. Maybe it comes from being a "glass half-empty" kinda person. There's a joke that kinda applies here:

Q: What's the difference between an optimist, a pessimist, and a process engineer?

A: To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the process engineer, you've got twice as much glass as you need.

I think I'm like a super-pessimist. Not only is the glass half-empty, it's actually 3/4 empty for a glass twice its size. Which is my own awkward way of saying I dream big, but can't quite bring myself to believe that I'll ever achieve the dream (whatever it is). So, when I do get close, the fall seems that much farther.

But I have good friends. Friends who call me on my bullshit and welcome me to the human race on a regular basis. As I said in the comments, I know there are people who'd gladly trade just one of their problems for the entirety of mine, and still think they were ahead of the game, and if my bitching and moaning offended anyone, please accept my apologies.

More entertaining stuff later, I promise.

The Black Mood Descendeth

2006-04-26T16:16:00.000-05:00

...and when the Black Mood arrives, ain't nothing to do but wait it out.

From whence doth the Black Mood come?

I'm sure part of it is giving up on J. She reiterated that she's not over the ex, that they still talk regularly, and that she can't date until she's resolved those feelings. I thought I was being fairly low-key, but I guess not. So, now, of course, I feel like a shit for trying to insinuate myself into her circle of friends. And, looking back, all of our communication was initiated by me. Not a good sign.

Another big part of it is continuing to realize that L is systematically removing me from her life. She's big on "mental adjustments", and I'm sure this is a mental adjustment. She mentally adjusted herself into letting her ex-husband move back in (even though he's pretty much as big a dumbass as ever), and she's mentally adjusted herself into thinking that makes her happy (I guess not actively being UNhappy counts?). So, all that's left is to mentally adjust me out of the picture, and everything's cozy again.

Still another is that my ex is pursuing yet another Lucy & Ethel plan. This one involves buying land and manufactured home about an hour from me. This will mean Daughter will go to a different school, and I won't see her as often. The primary draw seems to be that they'll be next door to friends of my ex.

Oh, and I TOTALLY suck at the diet. By now, I was supposed to be down to like 295. Still at 323+.

And to top it all off, everything about this one-off DJ gig is turning out to 50-100% harder and more hassle than I'd planned.

So, let's summarize...I'm still fat, still not getting enough sleep, still fundamentally unlovable.

I think the only question left is, why didn't the Black Mood descend earlier, and what reason does it have to leave?