...if I can't be honest with my anonymous readers, I can't very well expect to be honest with myself.
My weekend of backsliding wasn't limited to Sunday. Saturday started it. I woke up late and started with a MediFast shake, and an Atkins Buffalo Chicken Salad from Fridays for lunch. I was okay through most of the rest of the day, until I went out to Wal-Mart. I re-stocked on pickles, and talked myself into the TV stand for the bedroom (rationalizing that it would cost me way more than $70 in materials alone to build the one I was thinking of). At the checkout, they were selling trial-size packs of flavored jerky, so I picked up four: 2 prime rib, 1 fajita chicken, and 1 barbecued pork. As you might guess, the whole collection lasted about an hour. Plus side: 70 cals per package, so I only had 280 cals, and also pretty low carb. Minus side: gateway drug. I ended up having the last of the Chef Boyardee bowls (+210 cals), and several of the jalapeno cheese cracker packs Daughter takes for snack to school (+200 cal each, +400 cal total). And, at a about 4:15 AM, 1/4 of a 9x13 pan of lasagna (see previous post for today). I REALLY need to throw the rest out, to avoid temptation. I guess it's my Dad's depression-era sensibilities (he was born in '29) and my mom's CPA father talking, but I just hate to throw out perfectly good food.
I also organized Daughter's change collection, by which I mean I totally took it over and did it Dad's way. Before I even really got started, I realized she had almost $140 in just paper bills. She also had a bag of coins from her aunt and uncle in Florida, some of which were pretty old U.S. coins, but most were foreign currency (pre-Euro). I also pulled out one each of the state quarters in her change jar, and one each of the new nickels, and put them in with the coin collection in a ziploc bag. The rest of the change, except for $4.60 (12 quarters, 10 dimes, 10 nickels and 10 pennies) I took to a CoinStar machine, intending to make up the "counting fee" from my own money (no reason she should suffer for my impatience).
So what brought this counting spree on? Daughter got a little electronic bank for Xmas from my mother. It has an ATM card and a PIN and everything. It's not big enough to hold all the change she had, and there was no sense in maintaining two banks. The first grocery store I went to had a full CoinStar (this was at like 10:30 Saturday night), so I went up the road. The second store's CoinStar was in the vestibule for the locked entrance, so I had to get the clerk to unlock it. By the time I was done, I had a voucher for $83.01, and about $8.11 to make up from my pocket (8.9% just to count and store coins, ugh!), for a total of $91.12 in coins.
Now, let me state this clearly. My 9-year-old daughter now has access to over $235 in CASH. When I was 9 (yeah, uphill in the snow both ways), I don't think $235 passed through my hands in a year. I was probably 18 before I ever had $200 all in one place at the same time. And keep in mind, this is just at MY house. God knows what kind of cash Daughter has squirreled away at her mom's house.
But, the money is all bank-faced, sorted by condition of bill and clipped together with like denominations. And will remain so until at least next Monday. I harbor no illusions that my attention to detail and OCD-like habits will carry over. If I can keep her from going out and buying 14 Tamagotchis with it, it'll be a victory. Perhaps it's time for a visit to Daughter's passbook savings account with about $200. She'll probably be bummed that she didn't get to do the coin-dumping (oddly enough, there was a dude behind me with a sack of coins waiting, so I was kinda rushed), but I think the overall size of her empire will impress her. It might also be time for a series of chats about money.
I'm toying with the idea of rewarding her for saving by offering her (Dad-financed) interest. It might be a more effective lesson than a passbook, because she'll see the amount grow in cash, and her money won't be some abstract idea that she has to con Mom and Dad into taking her to the bank to get, it's something nearby.
Monday, January 30, 2006
Backslider!
So much for my faith in math, my iron (ha!) resolve, and my progress up to that point.
I don't know what possessed me Sunday. In the words of the Sea Captain watching Homer dine at The Frying Dutchman, I was "a remorseless eating machine". Perhaps listing the damage will embarrass me into avoiding repeats:
1/4 of a previously-baked 9x13 pan of lasagna (see 1/23 post)
2 cans chicken-pot-pie-style soup (Marie Callander)
9 (NINE!) pieces of toast, with butter substitute (Shedd's Spread, for the curious)
4 S'mores pop-tarts
Not all at once, of course. You may ask yourself, why the hell am I keeping the lasagna around? I asked myself that too. Self didn't have a good answer. I deluded myself into thinking that I could have the lasagna (which is at LEAST my daily caloric limit in one item, if not dramatically more) if that's all I had for the day. Then surely, I thought as it approached dinner time, 720 calories worth of soup shouldn't blow things too badly. I mean, it's soup! Mostly liquid! Bah. The toast and the pop-tarts were just my way of giving in to having blown the whole day.
Daughter and her mother are on a trip as of yesterday. I don't have to re-stock the pantry for 9-year-old tastes until at least next Monday. I've tasted weekday success, and like it. My next hurdle is getting through a weekend, where I'm likely to sleep late, not be doing much of anything, and have easy access to my kitchen. So maybe I should stop staying up late on weekends.
I was able to get to bed by 11:30 last night, and as far as I know, I slept through most of it. I'm kinda surprised with the CPAP that I'm able to sleep the entire night on my back without shifting position. Of course, I was up until nearly 5AM Sunday morning, screwing around with assembling the TV stand for the master bedroom and watching Adult Swim. The stand itself assembled easily, but moving the components (particularly the TiVo) without perturbing anything seemed to elicit far more caution and hemming and hawing that any such event should.
I also powered up the new table saw for the first time yesterday. Nice. First order of business: check the accuracy of the scale on the movable fence (not bad, but not hyperaccurate). Second order of business: use the jigsaw to cut out a push stick after recognizing the potential danger the first three test cuts represented. Didn't do a half-bad job on the push stick either. It fits my hand comfortably, has just about the right angle for my height relative to the saw. Definitely not bad for a freehand scribble by a woodworking neophyte. Let the sawdust-making commence!
I don't know what possessed me Sunday. In the words of the Sea Captain watching Homer dine at The Frying Dutchman, I was "a remorseless eating machine". Perhaps listing the damage will embarrass me into avoiding repeats:
1/4 of a previously-baked 9x13 pan of lasagna (see 1/23 post)
2 cans chicken-pot-pie-style soup (Marie Callander)
9 (NINE!) pieces of toast, with butter substitute (Shedd's Spread, for the curious)
4 S'mores pop-tarts
Not all at once, of course. You may ask yourself, why the hell am I keeping the lasagna around? I asked myself that too. Self didn't have a good answer. I deluded myself into thinking that I could have the lasagna (which is at LEAST my daily caloric limit in one item, if not dramatically more) if that's all I had for the day. Then surely, I thought as it approached dinner time, 720 calories worth of soup shouldn't blow things too badly. I mean, it's soup! Mostly liquid! Bah. The toast and the pop-tarts were just my way of giving in to having blown the whole day.
Daughter and her mother are on a trip as of yesterday. I don't have to re-stock the pantry for 9-year-old tastes until at least next Monday. I've tasted weekday success, and like it. My next hurdle is getting through a weekend, where I'm likely to sleep late, not be doing much of anything, and have easy access to my kitchen. So maybe I should stop staying up late on weekends.
I was able to get to bed by 11:30 last night, and as far as I know, I slept through most of it. I'm kinda surprised with the CPAP that I'm able to sleep the entire night on my back without shifting position. Of course, I was up until nearly 5AM Sunday morning, screwing around with assembling the TV stand for the master bedroom and watching Adult Swim. The stand itself assembled easily, but moving the components (particularly the TiVo) without perturbing anything seemed to elicit far more caution and hemming and hawing that any such event should.
I also powered up the new table saw for the first time yesterday. Nice. First order of business: check the accuracy of the scale on the movable fence (not bad, but not hyperaccurate). Second order of business: use the jigsaw to cut out a push stick after recognizing the potential danger the first three test cuts represented. Didn't do a half-bad job on the push stick either. It fits my hand comfortably, has just about the right angle for my height relative to the saw. Definitely not bad for a freehand scribble by a woodworking neophyte. Let the sawdust-making commence!
Friday, January 27, 2006
The math behind the madness
Man, I love the Basal Metabolic Rate. Not quite as neat as the Dewey Decimal system, but check this math out:
At 37 years old. 6'1" tall and 350 lb, my body requires 2916 calories just to run. If I keep my intake on Medifast near 800 calories, that's a 2100 calorie DAILY deficit. I'd have to look it up, but I seem to recall from high school P.E. class that an excess of 4000 calories will add a pound of weight, but that a deficit of 2000 calories results in a pound lost. Assuming that's true, I should be capable of shedding a pound a day on MediFast, which is well better than J's rate, but J started out at 240, so his starting daily deficit was only like 1400 calories.
Now, the downside. If I reach my intermediate goal of 240 lb, my BMR goes down to 2233 calories, and my daily deficit starts to resemble J's. If I continue to 190 (J's current weight, but I'm 3 inches taller than him), I go down to 1922 daily. This means that in my post-MediFast life, I need to learn to be happy, satiated, and all that jazz on a bit under 2000 calories per day in order to maintain my weight (if I'm nearly totally sedentary).
Fortunately, the government will help me. The Nutrition Facts label has all of its percentages listed based on a 2000 calorie diet. :-)
As of this morning*, I'm down 10 pounds since January 15, to 340. 100/150 to go. So far, no major changes to my constitution, and the hunger pangs are starting to get manageable. And I've noticed that my tightest pair of jeans (the ones I'd dread putting on) are noticeably more comfy.
I think it's time to start adding mild exercise. Two years ago, I started learning German using audiobooks I downloaded from Audible.com. For a while, I was pretty good about walking for 30 minutes around the building, listening to the lessons. I still have the audio, I still want to learn German, I still need the exercise, and I bought new sneakers last nigh. If I can find a consistent time to fit it in, there's no reason not to. Of course, I could just see if L, R, M and T would mind me tagging along on their walk (three women and a man), which would be much more visually pleasant, if not love-life enhancing (T's married, M's a newlywed and L has a long-term boyfriend as far as I know). Besides, I haven't given up on my L.
*the diet doesn't really recommend weighing daily, as it can fluctuate.
At 37 years old. 6'1" tall and 350 lb, my body requires 2916 calories just to run. If I keep my intake on Medifast near 800 calories, that's a 2100 calorie DAILY deficit. I'd have to look it up, but I seem to recall from high school P.E. class that an excess of 4000 calories will add a pound of weight, but that a deficit of 2000 calories results in a pound lost. Assuming that's true, I should be capable of shedding a pound a day on MediFast, which is well better than J's rate, but J started out at 240, so his starting daily deficit was only like 1400 calories.
Now, the downside. If I reach my intermediate goal of 240 lb, my BMR goes down to 2233 calories, and my daily deficit starts to resemble J's. If I continue to 190 (J's current weight, but I'm 3 inches taller than him), I go down to 1922 daily. This means that in my post-MediFast life, I need to learn to be happy, satiated, and all that jazz on a bit under 2000 calories per day in order to maintain my weight (if I'm nearly totally sedentary).
Fortunately, the government will help me. The Nutrition Facts label has all of its percentages listed based on a 2000 calorie diet. :-)
As of this morning*, I'm down 10 pounds since January 15, to 340. 100/150 to go. So far, no major changes to my constitution, and the hunger pangs are starting to get manageable. And I've noticed that my tightest pair of jeans (the ones I'd dread putting on) are noticeably more comfy.
I think it's time to start adding mild exercise. Two years ago, I started learning German using audiobooks I downloaded from Audible.com. For a while, I was pretty good about walking for 30 minutes around the building, listening to the lessons. I still have the audio, I still want to learn German, I still need the exercise, and I bought new sneakers last nigh. If I can find a consistent time to fit it in, there's no reason not to. Of course, I could just see if L, R, M and T would mind me tagging along on their walk (three women and a man), which would be much more visually pleasant, if not love-life enhancing (T's married, M's a newlywed and L has a long-term boyfriend as far as I know). Besides, I haven't given up on my L.
*the diet doesn't really recommend weighing daily, as it can fluctuate.
Thursday, January 26, 2006
One! We're going for one!
And did it! Though mostly simple lack of opportunity, I succeeded in doing a perfect MediFast day yesterday. It was game night, so in addition to having J there watching, I was at S's house. By the time I got home at 12:15, I was actually too tired to cheat.
So it can be done. I won't literally die if I don't raid the pantry. Plus, I have sugar-free Jell-O and pickles (Vlasic Kosher Dill Spears, yum) to help with the worst hunger pangs. And knowing that it can be done, I know I can do it again. String 160 or so of them in a row, and I've got a plan. :-)
Amazingly, in spite of my cheating, I'm down to 343 as of this morning, and my blood pressure (before taking my meds) was 134/82. Still technically "pre-hypertensive", but encouraging enough that I need to keep an eye on my BP as I lose weight. Since I'm on three medications (lisinopril, HCT and Toprol), I need to not let my BP drop too low. After J started losing weight quickly, he had to wean himself off of his BP meds because of "orthostatic hypotension"...which is lightheadedness for the normals, but J has a medical terminology fetish.
Two! We're going for two!
So it can be done. I won't literally die if I don't raid the pantry. Plus, I have sugar-free Jell-O and pickles (Vlasic Kosher Dill Spears, yum) to help with the worst hunger pangs. And knowing that it can be done, I know I can do it again. String 160 or so of them in a row, and I've got a plan. :-)
Amazingly, in spite of my cheating, I'm down to 343 as of this morning, and my blood pressure (before taking my meds) was 134/82. Still technically "pre-hypertensive", but encouraging enough that I need to keep an eye on my BP as I lose weight. Since I'm on three medications (lisinopril, HCT and Toprol), I need to not let my BP drop too low. After J started losing weight quickly, he had to wean himself off of his BP meds because of "orthostatic hypotension"...which is lightheadedness for the normals, but J has a medical terminology fetish.
Two! We're going for two!
Monday, January 23, 2006
No, No, Really. I mean it this time. (Day 1 Redux)
Okay, suffice it to say, celebrating getting my oven fixed Saturday by baking lasagna was a stupid, stupid idea. I'd bought all the ingredients back when my family was in town for Thanksgiving, intending to do that for dinner one of the nights they were here (I make a kick-ass lasagna; the key is V-8). Since the oven busted on Thanksgiving Day (right when I needed it most), I wasn't able to do the original plan. So, to keep from wasting the money on ricotta and mozzarella, I made up three pans of lasagna, and froze them, to be baked later.
Yes. I ate lasagna. A lot of lasagna. Garfield would be jealous. So, Saturday was fully blown. Sunday was great, right up until 11:45, as I was headed to bed, and had to go downstairs to get something from the kitchen. BANG! Hungry as a horse, and the willpower just crumbled. And really, I was doing well up to that point.
So, today, Day 1 (again). What am I going to do different? Well, J turned me on to the fact that I can have two pickle spears per day, plus bullion (he recommends that for the salt...the MediFast meals are very low sodium) and celery, if I could stand celery. Also, sugar-free gelatin is on the list, because it's like 10 calories (and most of those would be protein), so even if I nut out and have a couple, it's not going to substantially affect my diet. I didn't have any Jell-O in the house last night (too lazy during the day to go get some), so the verboten foods got scarfed.
So tonight, on the way home, I'll stock up on sugar-free Jell-O (hopefully the pre-packaged kind, it's a pain to make individual servings from the boil-to-make kind). If I get hungry, I can have the Jell-O without guilt (or more importantly, blowing the diet). On top of that, bedtime will be earlier tonight. If you're used to fresh calories coming in every 2.5 hours, it shouldn't surprise you when you stay up 4 hours or more past your last meal of the day that you're ravenous. So hopefully, early bedtime=no late night feeding binge. Plus, I really need to get more sleep a night anyway.
Yes. I ate lasagna. A lot of lasagna. Garfield would be jealous. So, Saturday was fully blown. Sunday was great, right up until 11:45, as I was headed to bed, and had to go downstairs to get something from the kitchen. BANG! Hungry as a horse, and the willpower just crumbled. And really, I was doing well up to that point.
So, today, Day 1 (again). What am I going to do different? Well, J turned me on to the fact that I can have two pickle spears per day, plus bullion (he recommends that for the salt...the MediFast meals are very low sodium) and celery, if I could stand celery. Also, sugar-free gelatin is on the list, because it's like 10 calories (and most of those would be protein), so even if I nut out and have a couple, it's not going to substantially affect my diet. I didn't have any Jell-O in the house last night (too lazy during the day to go get some), so the verboten foods got scarfed.
So tonight, on the way home, I'll stock up on sugar-free Jell-O (hopefully the pre-packaged kind, it's a pain to make individual servings from the boil-to-make kind). If I get hungry, I can have the Jell-O without guilt (or more importantly, blowing the diet). On top of that, bedtime will be earlier tonight. If you're used to fresh calories coming in every 2.5 hours, it shouldn't surprise you when you stay up 4 hours or more past your last meal of the day that you're ravenous. So hopefully, early bedtime=no late night feeding binge. Plus, I really need to get more sleep a night anyway.
Friday, January 20, 2006
MediFast Day 6
More properly, it's probably MediFast Day 1, for the 3rd time.
I underestimated how big a pain in the ass cooking the "lean and green" meal every evening might be. Here's the problem:
I underestimated how big a pain in the ass cooking the "lean and green" meal every evening might be. Here's the problem:
- with the meat, you can have 2 cups of salad greens or 1.5 cups of cooked vegetables
- not all cooked vegetables are created equal
- the vegetables I really like (corn, peas) are not approved
- of the approved vegetables, I can really only stand green beans and broccoli
- salad greens don't seem to keep well
- I don't like grocery shopping, so I do it as infrequently as possible
A cup and a half of green beans is about a can, so I've got that wired. I can buy a 12-pack of those at Sam's for a reasonable price, and I've got almost half a month's meals taken care of. For the broccoli, I can buy a big bag of frozen broccoli, but I get the feeling I'd underperform on the whole "cup and a half" thing. 3/4 cup is about my limit on broccoli if cheese or butter aren't involved.
During the day, I do fine. I start with my oatmeal, space out the shakes and snack bar every 2.5 hours or so, and drink a boatload of water. But once I get home, it's like a relay closes in my brain, and it starts screaming, "You idiot! You're f---ing starving! Feed me!". Unfortunately, I keep some convenience foods around so my daughter has snacks and I have stuff to feed her for dinner when she's at my house, and those have been casualties in my war on fat. I'm still consuming many fewer calories than I would otherwise, but I have to get this under control to really get the benefit of MediFast (and to keep J off my ass).
So tonight, once again, willpower will battle hunger. I wonder who will win?
On the plus side, as of this morning, I weigh 347. 3 pounds down, 107 (at least) to go.
Monday, January 16, 2006
MediFast, Day Two
One hundred sixty-six more days.
I'm going to stick with this for 6 "months" (measuring a month as 20 boxes of MediFast food, or 4 weeks worth). If the 40 days/30 pounds ratio that J's managed holds true, 168 days should be sufficient to drop about 120 lbs.
Goals:
January 15 (start): 350
March 12 (56 days): 310 (-40 overall)
May 7 (112 days): 270 (-80 overall)
July 2 (168 days): 230 (-120 overall)
If, when I get to 230, the diet's still working and I feel like I need to get down under 200, I'll push the extra two months.
August 27 (224 days): 190 (-160 overall)
By then, I'd have lost nearly half my body weight. I'm 6'1" on a muscular frame, so I've always told myself "I'll never be a small guy", but I think that's limiting. If I'm going to get rid of this fat, I want rid of all of it. I don't want to settle for getting down to "just a little pudgy".
So, about the food. Ugh. You'd think for about $10/day worth of powder and oatmeal, you could find a flavor that could mask "nutrient". Every nutritional supplement I've tried has had that unmistakeable "artificialness" to it. No matter how much chocolate you try to hide it under, it's still there. But, I like this diet because I know what I'm having. There's no guesswork, it's quite strict. If I have something not on the diet, I'm not just bending the rules, I'm breaking the diet.
There are a few things that concern me. One, I'm not sure how I'll do on roughly 800 calories a day. The diet says to add moderate exercise (walking, etc.) but I'm not sure how a weight training regimen will work with that (I don't want to bulk up, just don't want to lose what I have). I was a little surprised at Thanksgiving how much more I can butterfly than my brothers.
The other thing that worries me is that unspoken consequence of massive weight loss. Will I have a bunch of hanging skin? Will I have to have it surgically removed? It's certainly not great skin (and God knows I could do without the stretchmarks on my belly and shoulders), but I think I'd be defeating the purpose if I gain a healthy, fit, attractive body and have yards of loose skin making me look like a Shar-Pei. Definitely one of those "not a bad problem to have" kinds of things.
Enough navel-gazing. Future diet posts will be shorter, I imagine, mostly related to progress (or lack thereof). Stay tuned.
I'm going to stick with this for 6 "months" (measuring a month as 20 boxes of MediFast food, or 4 weeks worth). If the 40 days/30 pounds ratio that J's managed holds true, 168 days should be sufficient to drop about 120 lbs.
Goals:
January 15 (start): 350
March 12 (56 days): 310 (-40 overall)
May 7 (112 days): 270 (-80 overall)
July 2 (168 days): 230 (-120 overall)
If, when I get to 230, the diet's still working and I feel like I need to get down under 200, I'll push the extra two months.
August 27 (224 days): 190 (-160 overall)
By then, I'd have lost nearly half my body weight. I'm 6'1" on a muscular frame, so I've always told myself "I'll never be a small guy", but I think that's limiting. If I'm going to get rid of this fat, I want rid of all of it. I don't want to settle for getting down to "just a little pudgy".
So, about the food. Ugh. You'd think for about $10/day worth of powder and oatmeal, you could find a flavor that could mask "nutrient". Every nutritional supplement I've tried has had that unmistakeable "artificialness" to it. No matter how much chocolate you try to hide it under, it's still there. But, I like this diet because I know what I'm having. There's no guesswork, it's quite strict. If I have something not on the diet, I'm not just bending the rules, I'm breaking the diet.
There are a few things that concern me. One, I'm not sure how I'll do on roughly 800 calories a day. The diet says to add moderate exercise (walking, etc.) but I'm not sure how a weight training regimen will work with that (I don't want to bulk up, just don't want to lose what I have). I was a little surprised at Thanksgiving how much more I can butterfly than my brothers.
The other thing that worries me is that unspoken consequence of massive weight loss. Will I have a bunch of hanging skin? Will I have to have it surgically removed? It's certainly not great skin (and God knows I could do without the stretchmarks on my belly and shoulders), but I think I'd be defeating the purpose if I gain a healthy, fit, attractive body and have yards of loose skin making me look like a Shar-Pei. Definitely one of those "not a bad problem to have" kinds of things.
Enough navel-gazing. Future diet posts will be shorter, I imagine, mostly related to progress (or lack thereof). Stay tuned.
Who clicks through these things?
Maybe it's just the websites I visit (mostly comic sites and internet email sites), but you've probably seen the mortgage ads by NexTag. They're the ones with the "click on your state to see how much you can save!" banners. Sometimes they're pretty straightforward, other times, they're just weird. To me, the most unappealing ones are the "stretched, bloated animal" versions. Typically, it's the head and ass of an animal, with a lonnnnng stretched body to accomodate the states. But the creepy doesn't end there. These things breathe, and undulate in such frankly unhealthy ways, you almost wish it was one of those stupid banner ad games where you have to shoot something to "win", just so you can put the poor beast out of its NexTag-enslaved misery. (Now there's a sentence that won't win any grammar awards)
Am I the only one who looks at these ads and actively makes sure I don't even accidentally click them? I mean, not only does a stretched, fat, unhealthy-looking animal NOT make me want to refinance my house, I'm vaguely offended by the whole idea, and do not want to reward the company with a "hit". Of course, I haven't pursued an MBA, and have no practical experience in advertising, but I can't feature who greenlighted these ads. Are they meant to be funny? (They're not.) Are they meant to be quirky, like the Quizno's spongmonkeys? (Again, missing the mark.) Or is it just that so few people click through the ads anyway that it really doesn't matter what they put in the ad?
Am I the only one who looks at these ads and actively makes sure I don't even accidentally click them? I mean, not only does a stretched, fat, unhealthy-looking animal NOT make me want to refinance my house, I'm vaguely offended by the whole idea, and do not want to reward the company with a "hit". Of course, I haven't pursued an MBA, and have no practical experience in advertising, but I can't feature who greenlighted these ads. Are they meant to be funny? (They're not.) Are they meant to be quirky, like the Quizno's spongmonkeys? (Again, missing the mark.) Or is it just that so few people click through the ads anyway that it really doesn't matter what they put in the ad?
Sunday, January 01, 2006
Oh, Hell. Let's get the resolutions out of the way.
1. Lose between 110 and 170 lbs (i.e. get rid of the last excuse for not having a woman so that I can get to the root of my social ineptitude)
2. Learn guitar (i.e. learn to do something my father could do that my middle brother can currently do)
3. Teach daughter guitar (i.e. find something other than watching movies to share with my daughter)
4. Learn German (i.e. learn to do something that no one else in the family can do)
5. Eliminate furniture and holiday debt (i.e. get back to where I was in January 2005, financially)
Yeah, that's probably plenty. Too many, most likely.
Well, let's start at the beginning. Time to order MediFast. It seems to be working for J, and anything he can stick with, I can stick with longer. He has lost 35 pounds in about 40 days amd doesn't seem to be having any real issues with it.
So, based on a data point of one, off I charge. The only downside is that my ex is apparently doing the same diet. I can't see her sticking with it. She bounces from fad to fad faster than Paris Hilton changes pets.
Oh, just thought of another.
6. Start attending church regularly.
Not that I'm particularly religious, and the Lord knows I love my sleeping-in, but that's what was always great about being Catholic. There was Saturday Evening Mass for the sluggards who couldn't roll out of bed at 7:00 for an 8:00 Mass. I wonder if the new Catholic church up the road will have Saturday Masses? Worth looking into, since it's not like my Saturday nights are full or anything.
2. Learn guitar (i.e. learn to do something my father could do that my middle brother can currently do)
3. Teach daughter guitar (i.e. find something other than watching movies to share with my daughter)
4. Learn German (i.e. learn to do something that no one else in the family can do)
5. Eliminate furniture and holiday debt (i.e. get back to where I was in January 2005, financially)
Yeah, that's probably plenty. Too many, most likely.
Well, let's start at the beginning. Time to order MediFast. It seems to be working for J, and anything he can stick with, I can stick with longer. He has lost 35 pounds in about 40 days amd doesn't seem to be having any real issues with it.
So, based on a data point of one, off I charge. The only downside is that my ex is apparently doing the same diet. I can't see her sticking with it. She bounces from fad to fad faster than Paris Hilton changes pets.
Oh, just thought of another.
6. Start attending church regularly.
Not that I'm particularly religious, and the Lord knows I love my sleeping-in, but that's what was always great about being Catholic. There was Saturday Evening Mass for the sluggards who couldn't roll out of bed at 7:00 for an 8:00 Mass. I wonder if the new Catholic church up the road will have Saturday Masses? Worth looking into, since it's not like my Saturday nights are full or anything.
A few thoughts I don't want to lose...
The new year is less than two hours old. I think I had a flash of insight, but I'm still processing it. In the meantime...
I attended a friend's wedding tonight. Good Catholic Mass, interesting homily by the priest. As with most wedding homilies, the topic was love, and the usual spiel tying the love of the happy couple to the love Jesus has for us. Nice, safe, on-message and non-controversial. What was interesting, and to my mind, unique, was the way the priest defined the terms eros and agape (did you know the Greeks had 5 words for love?). Eros, he said, is "I love you for what you can do for me". Agape, on the other hand, is "I love you for what I can do for you". Okay, so that's like grade-school deep, but it hit something in me. Now, clearly, the priest's point was that agape, the love Jesus commanded his disciples to have for one another, is rooted in service, doing for others, and so far, no new ground has been broken here.
But sitting there, watching my friend get married, and thinking upon my own love life over the past 3o months, it occurred to me that there might be something to this distinction. Now clearly, eros is a big part of my love for her, both in the physical sense, and in that normal, "you make me feel good about myself when you're around" way. But I think in another sense, there's a good bit of agape. I love her because I believe I'm better for her than anyone else. I love her because I understand her when she needs to be understood. I love her because I can show her the affection and regard the other guy can't. I love her because I can need her more than he can, I can miss her when she's not there, and tell her so when she is. I love her because I can make her dreams and aspirations at least as important as my own. I love her because I'd never blow off one of her kids' activities just because I'm playing video games. I love her because she'd come home to a clean house and prepared dinner at least as often as not.
Okay, certainly, not the points the priest had in mind, at least not exactly. And surely, I'm not doing very good at loving all of my fellow humans in the same fashion. Maybe I'm just stretching a point to fit. I do that. And this post may not survive...just had some thoughts that needed to be put down before the champagne wears completely off.
(For the record, three 12 oz beers and two 3 oz glasses of champagne, over the course of 4 hours. On a 350-lb man, that's a pretty low BAC.)
I attended a friend's wedding tonight. Good Catholic Mass, interesting homily by the priest. As with most wedding homilies, the topic was love, and the usual spiel tying the love of the happy couple to the love Jesus has for us. Nice, safe, on-message and non-controversial. What was interesting, and to my mind, unique, was the way the priest defined the terms eros and agape (did you know the Greeks had 5 words for love?). Eros, he said, is "I love you for what you can do for me". Agape, on the other hand, is "I love you for what I can do for you". Okay, so that's like grade-school deep, but it hit something in me. Now, clearly, the priest's point was that agape, the love Jesus commanded his disciples to have for one another, is rooted in service, doing for others, and so far, no new ground has been broken here.
But sitting there, watching my friend get married, and thinking upon my own love life over the past 3o months, it occurred to me that there might be something to this distinction. Now clearly, eros is a big part of my love for her, both in the physical sense, and in that normal, "you make me feel good about myself when you're around" way. But I think in another sense, there's a good bit of agape. I love her because I believe I'm better for her than anyone else. I love her because I understand her when she needs to be understood. I love her because I can show her the affection and regard the other guy can't. I love her because I can need her more than he can, I can miss her when she's not there, and tell her so when she is. I love her because I can make her dreams and aspirations at least as important as my own. I love her because I'd never blow off one of her kids' activities just because I'm playing video games. I love her because she'd come home to a clean house and prepared dinner at least as often as not.
Okay, certainly, not the points the priest had in mind, at least not exactly. And surely, I'm not doing very good at loving all of my fellow humans in the same fashion. Maybe I'm just stretching a point to fit. I do that. And this post may not survive...just had some thoughts that needed to be put down before the champagne wears completely off.
(For the record, three 12 oz beers and two 3 oz glasses of champagne, over the course of 4 hours. On a 350-lb man, that's a pretty low BAC.)
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