Another Phony-Bologna Milestone

Yeah, yeah...I trust you're all bright enough to get the little joke in the title...and no, I don't mean me on yet another MediFast go-round.

Yes, boys and girls (okay, girl...and maybe boy)...it's 90 days until I turn 39 years old. Three statute months. One typical corporate password-expiration cycle. The length of a standard warranty. A quarter (call someone who cares).

So, what's the goal this time? 250 lb, or basically dropping 75 from where I am now. I'm allowing myself 2 days of "bad": Christmas, and Dec 27th (going to an aunt's house for a visit, and don't feel like explaining anything). I need to drop this weight (and more) if I ever hope to progress much further physically with Tae Kwon Do. As of tonight, I'll have earned my green belt, but I'm not sure I feel I've earned it. I mean, sure, I know the sequence of moves in the form, and I do them to the best of my ability, but having watched the Black Belt testing for the schools this last time around, I was underwhelmed. *These* are what I'm aspiring to be? *This* is the standard against which I'll be judged? I'm not trying to disparage anyone's effort. I'd personally rather see someone who's doing their personal best and busting their ass at it get rewarded with a belt than someone who's just incredibly physically gifted and sleepwalking through it. But I want to hold myself to a higher standard, even if the school won't. That may mean holding myself back testing cycles...it certainly means more serious attempts to get into shape...increase stamina...improve balance...extend range of motion.

As before, I'm going to try to keep stats in the blog, but the old format was a pain in the ass to keep up, so I'm thinking just a line of data...

weight(delta day / delta overall);bp;pulse;glucose;last bp med;last meal

it's mostly the same information, but without the weird formatting, I may be able to keep up with it better.

You've just read my latest "good intentions" post. Do you:

A) chuckle
B) shake your head ruefully
C) get a little mad at my stupidity
D) yell at the screen that I'm a putz

Well?

Forget Days 38-50...Whither November?!?!?

In a nutshell, I fell off the wagon HARD, culminating in the realization that over Thanksgiving week at my Mom's house that I'd probably consumed more food in a week there than I had the entire months of September and October combined.

For those who were curious, I skipped the reunion. The idiots I went to high school with couldn't find their ass with both hands, and after making it an "all-80s" reunion, decided to make it an "all-years" reunion. Guess a bunch of people didn't really give a shit.

Now, my official reason for skipping the reunion was much more noble...Daughter injured herself on Mom's trampoline, so even though I got back from the ER in time to shower and go, it just wasn't worth the effort to see a bunch of people I didn't like much 20 years ago. Plus, siblings who went said I didn't miss much...though apparently Crystal is as hot as ever. I suppose if I find out that Trisha was there, I'd kick myself for not going, if only to see how time has treated her...I had such a big crush on her in high school, but really, beyond her larger-than-average chest and pretty face, I'm not sure at this distance what the fuss was about (though, really, for a 16-year-old boy, does it take more than "pretty, with big boobs"?). She was brighter than average, but with a strong dingy streak that seemed to come out when she was in "captain of the cheerleaders" mode...easy to talk to...encouraging...I guess when you're an overweight teenage geek in a small redneck town, any pretty girl who doesn't treat you like a pariah is going to throw you for a loop.

Speaking of which, I glimpsed a fairly ugly side of my sister B over the holidays. The topic was this guy, who apparently isn't considered handsome but frequents the local bar/dance club. He's always up for dancing, unlike most of the other patrons, so he doesn't seem to lack for female company. How many of those women he's ended up going home with (or doing anything more than dancing with) I don't know, but he's out there doing what the women like, and by all accounts, he's a funny guy with a great personality (uh-oh...death knell coming). Anyway, B makes a comment something like she just thinks it's weird that any woman would see anything in him. Now, I don't think B got the prize pig at the fair in the first place...the guy she married is a redneck who loves to drink and fight (matter-of-fact, he, his brother and his father got barred from this self-same bar for fighting Friday night - apparently a regular sport for them), but it just irked me that she places such a premium on looks. Maybe it goes back to the business with Trisha in high school...apparently, she got some "advice" from girls I'd known for years about whether or not to go out with me...as you might guess, these girls advised against it...I wasn't good enough for Trisha...

Every so often, a relative will tell me they ran into some girl or another I went to high school with...usually the hot ones...invariably, when they hear what it is I do and how much I make, their response is the same..."guess I should have paid more attention to him in high school"

And as angry as that makes me, to be judged positively for a shallow attribute where I was once judged negatively for a different shallow attribute, I can't help but think sometimes, "hey, it's not too late!"

So What The Hell Happened To Days 38-50?

Eh. The less said about days 38-50, the better. Not that I did too poorly, although days 38 and 39 were bad food days for me (I let other peoples' eating habits influence mine, and made poor choices in what to eat). The past two weeks have been very busy at work, and fast foods worked their way back into the rotation. At my worst over the past 14 days, I was only up to 319, and I've managed to work myself back down to even losing a pound from my day 37 low point. The rubber's meeting the road, though. It's now exactly one month before I head back home for Thanksgiving, and 33 days until the reunion. Thanksgiving will be an interesting test. I tried staying on Medifast while I was home for the 4th of July, and pretty much totally failed. However, I'd only just started Tae Kwon Do, and wasn't seeing much in the way of results yet. Now there's more at stake. I'm 26 pounds lighter than I was almost 2 months ago. My gi fits better, I'm better able to participate in the calisthenics, and I feel better. Preserving that is a motivator.

Speaking of Tae Kwon Do, at the in-school tournament (just a competition between the three schools owned by our Master) I took first in my ring for both weapons and one-step sparring. I totally rocked the weapons form, though I felt bad for R. He could have competed with either Bahng Mahng Ee (stick) or Ssahng Jeol Bong (nunchucks). We'd spent the testing cycle working on a Bahng Mahng Ee form, but he'd been praticing with the chucks. He ended up doing the Bahng Mahng Ee form at the tournament, but decided to embellish it with some hand moves that weren't part of the form we learned. Specifically, he was moving his hand with the strokes at the beginning of the form, where we were taught to keep the empty hand up in a guard position. I think he probably got downscored for the improv, because the rest of his form looked pretty good. About the only thing I did that others didn't was to really emphasize the four slow strikes at the start of the form, trying to demonstrate strength and control. There was also a part of the form most people forgot (rolling the BME backward right after the round kick before rolling it forward, kneeling and smacking the mat with it). So, I'm thinking my pathological attention to detail probably got me the win, because everyone else is much more physically capable (more difficult "special moves", more fluid motion). I guess it's kinda like gymnastics. My program was a 9.6 program, and I nailed it...the others tried 9.8 and 9.9 programs, and flubbed some portion of them, resulting in lost score.

I did okay in the one-steps, but my footwork sucked. Since it was organized more like a full-up sparring competition (each match, the winner goes on to compete with others, loser is eliminated), I had to compete against several people. The final match was against S, who's technique was very strong. He's aggressive, but mostly controlled. In his first match, he ended up misjudging a kick and caught J (yet another J) in the chest with a kick. I don't think it was a damaging kick, just enough to startle J, but I believe S got a little rattled by it (he's aggressive, but he's not out to hurt people). It's worth noting that our ring had 7 competitors, 6 of which were from my school, and one from one of the other schools (there are three in the "chain"). S and J and I (me, not someone whose name starts with 'i') all have a good deal of experience with each others' styles, and we practice against each other all the time. So I know what S is capable of, and the kicks he was throwing at me for the win were not nearly as close as he normally likes to get. Meanwhile, not having hit anyone recently, I was trying to get S to "feel the wind" (which is what we've taken to saying when a punch or kick comes particularly close), and succeeding. My back-fists and punches were coming within a centimeter or two of his face, where his kicks were stopping several inches from my chest. As I said, S' technique was much better, his kicks higher and his footwork surer. If I'd been judging, overall I think he deserved the win. But if the judges were looking for "control" (defined as how quick and strong your move is combined with how close you can get without actually contacting your opponent), then I probably benefitted from S kicking J.

Ironically, I've also accidentally hit J. We're going to give him a complex. :-)

Thanks for putting up with the blather. More blather at some point in the future, but I'm going to try to keep up with the weight log.

Day 51 of 84

Today's Weight: 314 pounds
Delta (day): -1 pounds
Delta (total): -26 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 41.4
Yesterday's Calories: not measured
Last Night's Sleep: not measured
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: Tae Kwon Do class (45 min)

Humble pie has no calories

Well, I made it to my Friday goal of 315. Bouyed by my early-week success and good weekend, I was starting to get cocky about how fast I can shed pounds, thinking I'd be 314 or even 313 by today, with maybe 311 being possible by Monday. I'd still like to set a stretch goal of 313 by Monday (sticking with a pound a day), but I'll be happy with 314 by Monday.

Sometimes my own density (mental, not physical) amazes me. In last night's class, we started with a pretty strenuous workout, then went right into doing our testing material (forms, sparring combos, one-steps, and self-defense), following that with slow-kicking drills. By the time we got to one-minute punching and kicking drills, I was drained. We were in groups of three, one holding a heavy bag, one doing the drill, and the third "waiting" by doing sit-ups. I got through the first round of situps okay, but I ended up sitting out the other two rounds of situps. Well, more properly, I ended up gasping for breath while lying on the mat, trying to gather enough energy for the next drill. After the third round of situps, the head instructor made a comment to me about having left a pool of sweat. I sweat. A LOT. If I haven't bitched here about how much fun it is to have a 13-year-old comment incessantly on your sweat output, it's been an oversight. Anyway, I made a remark like, "that's what happens when a body this size moves a lot, sir", and added, "the sweat jokes never get old, sir".

It wasn't until probably two hours after class that I realized that the comment probably wasn't intended as a snarky joke. Most gyms have a fairly strict policy about wiping down the machine after you've used it. Now, granted, I've been going to Tae Kwon Do class for 4.5 months now, and no one's made an issue of it, but the other guy who sweats profusely has brought a towel with him from day one. I'm pretty sure the instructor was trying to subtly(!) tell me that I should wipe up my own sweat from the mat, particularly if it's enough to pool up, for safety reasons, if nothing else. So, it's off to Wal-Mart this evening to pick up some suitable towels to throw in my sparring bag, to avoid future issues with my sweat.

Man, I'm a dumbass sometimes.

Day 37 of 84

Today's Weight: 315 pounds
Delta (day): -1 pounds
Delta (total): -25 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 41.5
Yesterday's Calories: not measured
Last Night's Sleep: not measured
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: Tae Kwon Do class (45 min, particularly strenuous)

Day 36 of 84

Today's Weight: 316 pounds
Delta (day): 0 pounds
Delta (total): -24 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 41.7
Yesterday's Calories: not measured
Last Night's Sleep: not measured
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: none

One week to go! (until halftime)

On Wednesday of next week, it'll be day 42. Ignoring the awesome cosmological significance of that number, my weight that day should tell me roughly how much I can expect to lose "on the backstretch" (speaking of backstretches, I'm going to the Dickies 500 in November!). If figure I'm good for 5 pounds, that puts me at 311 on the 11th, or 29 pounds down at the half, which says that a reasonable goal should be 29 pounds under that, or about 282. 282 would be the lowest I've weighed pretty much my entire adult life. (And ironically, would leave 42 pounds to go for the original goal #1). This also puts me roughly on par with J, whose "30 pounds in 40 days" success rate was my orginal inspiration for starting Medifast.

Yes, 42 is the answer. Don't Panic, dammit!

Day 35 of 84

Today's Weight: 316 pounds
Delta (day): -2 pounds
Delta (total): -24 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 41.7
Yesterday's Calories: not measured
Last Night's Sleep: not measured
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: Tae Kwon Do class (45 min)

Day 34 of 84

Today's Weight: 318 pounds
Delta (day): -2 pounds
Delta (total): -22 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 41.9
Yesterday's Calories: not measured
Last Night's Sleep: not measured
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: Tae Kwon Do class (45 min)

A losing weekend...

Well, I'm not going to claim that I've discovered the key, but I managed to do enough right this weekend to not just avoid gaining, but actually shed a pound or two. I could have behaved better (and hope to in the future), but I'll take this as a step in the right direction.

It's Monday. I'm setting a goal for Friday of 315, and a goal for the following Monday of 314. Stay tuned, data hounds...

I think this "Luann" might be the truest, most succinct treatment of its subject that I've seen.

Okay, that is all.

Day 33 of 84

Today's Weight: 320 pounds
Delta (day): 0 pounds
Delta (total): -20 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 42.2
Yesterday's Calories: not measured
Last Night's Sleep: not measured
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: none

Day 32 of 84

Today's Weight: 320 pounds
Delta (day): -1 pounds
Delta (total): -20 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 42.2
Yesterday's Calories: not measured
Last Night's Sleep: not measured
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: Tae Kwon Do class (75 min)

Day 31 of 84

Today's Weight: 321 pounds
Delta (day): -1 pounds
Delta (total): -19 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 42.3
Yesterday's Calories: not measured
Last Night's Sleep: not measured
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: none

Day 30 of 84

Today's Weight: 322 pounds
Delta (day): -0 pounds
Delta (total): -18 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 42.5
Yesterday's Calories: not measured
Last Night's Sleep: not measured
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: Tae Kwon Do class (45 min)

Yes, I know 20-29 are out of order...

...what I don't know is why, and I don't care enough to delete all the posts and recreate them. So there. :-)

The data in them is correct (like you care), so the information on Day 29 is relative to Day 28, which is relative to Day 27, etc. ad nauseum to Day 20.

One of these days I'll have enough spare time for a screed or two, but for now, it's just the data.

If I use the first 28 days (1/3 of the time) as an indication, I should be able to get down to 292 by my goal date. I actually hope to do better than that, and get closer to 270 by then. If you've been tracking the data (of course you have, you statistic-hungry little buggers) you'll notice that over the past three weeks, my weight's jumped up after Friday, and started going back down on Monday. I'd thought that I could allow myself to relax the rules a bit on Fridays for one meal, but it turns out that's slippery-slope territory. One meal on Friday becomes two meals on Friday, which becomes 2 meals on Saturday too, and what the hell, why not Sunday?

It'll be a little easier on Saturdays now that my ex has moved herself and Daughter about 75 minutes away, since I'll go pick Daughter up to make it to sparring and weapons classes on Saturdays (2.5 hour round trip) and drop her off again (2.5 hour round trip). That will keep me out of the kitchen pretty much all day on Saturdays that Daughter isn't at my house for the weekend...luckily, I have a bunch of audiobooks from Audible.com that I bought and haven't had time to listen to, so I can catch up on those. The trick will be to take enough shakes with me to not get hungry on the drive and succumb to the lure of the drive-thru.

Day 29 of 84

Today's Weight: 322 pounds
Delta (day): -2 pounds
Delta (total): -18 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 42.5
Yesterday's Calories: not measured
Last Night's Sleep: not measured
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: Tae Kwon Do class (45 min)

Day 28 of 84 (33.3333%)

Today's Weight: 324 pounds
Delta (day): -1 pounds
Delta (total): -16 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 42.7
Yesterday's Calories: not measured
Last Night's Sleep: not measured
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: Tae Kwon Do class (45 min)

Day 27 of 84

Today's Weight: 325 pounds
Delta (day): -2 pounds
Delta (total): -15 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 42.9
Yesterday's Calories: not measured
Last Night's Sleep: not measured
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: Tae Kwon Do class (45 min)

Day 26 of 84

Today's Weight: 327 pounds
Delta (day): +2 pounds
Delta (total): -13 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 43.1
Yesterday's Calories: not measured
Last Night's Sleep: not measured
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: none

Day 25 of 84

Today's Weight: 325 pounds
Delta (day): -2 pounds
Delta (total): -15 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 42.9
Yesterday's Calories: not measured
Last Night's Sleep: not measured
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: none

Day 24 of 84

Today's Weight: 324 pounds
Delta (day): +2 pounds
Delta (total): -16 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 42.7
Yesterday's Calories: not measured
Last Night's Sleep: not measured
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: none

Day 23 of 84

Today's Weight: 322 pounds
Delta (day): -2 pounds
Delta (total): -18 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 42.5
Yesterday's Calories: not measured
Last Night's Sleep: not measured
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: Tae Kwon Do class (45 min)

Day 22 of 84

Today's Weight: 324 pounds
Delta (day): 0 pounds
Delta (total): -16 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 42.7
Yesterday's Calories: not measured
Last Night's Sleep: not measured
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: none

Day 21 of 84 (25%)

Today's Weight: 324 pounds
Delta (day): -1 pounds
Delta (total): -16 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 42.7
Yesterday's Calories: not measured
Last Night's Sleep: not measured
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: Tae Kwon Do class (45 min)

Days 20 of 84

Today's Weight: 325 pounds
Delta (day): -2 pounds
Delta (total): -15 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 42.9
Yesterday's Calories: not measured
Last Night's Sleep: not measured
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: Tae Kwon Do class (45 min)

Day 19 of 84

Today's Weight: 327 pounds
Delta (day): -2 pounds
Delta (total): -13 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 43.1
Yesterday's Calories: not measured
Last Night's Sleep: not measured
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: none

Day 18 of 84

Today's Weight: 329 pounds
Delta (day): +5 pounds
Delta (total): -11 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 43.4
Yesterday's Calories: not measured
Last Night's Sleep: not measured
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: Tae Kwon Do classes (75 min)

Day 17 of 84

Today's Weight: 324 pounds
Delta (day): -1 pounds
Delta (total): -16 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 42.7
Yesterday's Calories: not measured
Last Night's Sleep: not measured
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: none

Day 16 of 84

Today's Weight: 325 pounds
Delta (day): 0 pounds
Delta (total): -15 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 42.9
Yesterday's Calories: not measured
Last Night's Sleep: not measured
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: Tae Kwon Do class (45 min)

Day 15 of 84

Today's Weight: 325 pounds
Delta (day): -1 pounds
Delta (total): -15 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 42.9
Yesterday's Calories: not measured
Last Night's Sleep: not measured
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: Tae Kwon Do class (45 min)

Day 14 of 84

Today's Weight: 326 pounds
Delta (day): -1 pounds
Delta (total): -14 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 43.0
Yesterday's Calories: not measured
Last Night's Sleep: not measured
Yesterday's BP: 126/83, 55 pulse at 11:05 AM
Yesterday's Glucose: 135 mg/dL at 11:10 AM (40 min after meal)
Yesterday's Exercise: Tae Kwon Do class (45 min)

Day 13 of 84

Today's Weight: 327 pounds
Delta (day): -2 pounds
Delta (total): -13 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 43.1
Yesterday's Calories: 1100
Last Night's Sleep: 5.0 hours
Yesterday's BP: 122/75, 51 pulse at 4:00 PM
Yesterday's Glucose: 119 mg/dL at 4:00 PM (15 min after meal)
Yesterday's Exercise: Tae Kwon Do class (45 min)

Day 12 of 84

Today's Weight: 329 pounds
Delta (day): -1 pounds
Delta (total): -11 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 43.4
Yesterday's Calories: 2000+
Last Night's Sleep: 5.5 hours
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: none (seriously, does moving furniture count?)

Day 11 of 84

Today's Weight: 330 pounds
Delta (day): +4 pounds
Delta (total): -10 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 43.5
Yesterday's Calories: 2000+
Last Night's Sleep: 6.0 hours
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: Tae Kwon Do classes (75 min)

Day 10 of 84

Today's Weight: 326 pounds
Delta (day): -2 pounds
Delta (total): -14 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 43.0
Yesterday's Calories: 1700+
Last Night's Sleep: 8.0 hours
Yesterday's BP: 125/80, 60 pulse at 10:15 AM
Yesterday's Glucose: 141 mg/dL at 10:15 AM (1.25 hrs after meal)
Yesterday's Exercise: none (does moving furniture count?)

Day 9 of 84

Today's Weight: 328 pounds
Delta (day): -2 pounds
Delta (total): -12 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 43.3
Yesterday's Calories: 1360
Last Night's Sleep: 6.0 hours
Yesterday's BP: 135/78, 51 pulse at 12:00PM
Yesterday's Glucose: 95 mg/dL at 12:10 PM (3 hrs after meal)
Yesterday's Exercise: Tae Kwon Do class (45 min)

Day 8 of 84

Today's Weight: 330 pounds
Delta (day): -1 pounds
Delta (total): -10 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 43.5
Yesterday's Calories: 1313
Last Night's Sleep: 6.5 hours
Yesterday's BP: 136/81, 55 pulse at 12:20PM
Yesterday's Glucose: 111 mg/dL at 12:20 PM (2.3 hrs after meal)
Yesterday's Exercise: none

Day 7 of 84

Today's Weight: 331 pounds
Delta (day): -4 pounds
Delta (total): -9 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 43.7
Yesterday's Calories: 1530 (approx.)
Last Night's Sleep: 6.5 hours
Yesterday's BP: 153/96, 56 pulse at 3:15 PM
Yesterday's Glucose: 77 mg/dL at 3:15 PM (2.5 hrs after meal)
Yesterday's Exercise: Tae Kwon Do class (45 min)

Day 6 of 84

Today's Weight: 335 pounds
Delta (day): +1 pounds
Delta (total): -5 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 44.2
Yesterday's Calories: 3000ish
Last Night's Sleep: 6.5 hours
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: none

Day 5 of 84

Today's Weight: not measured
Delta (day): not measured
Delta (total): not measured
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): not measured
Yesterday's Calories: 4000ish
Last Night's Sleep: 8 hours
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: none

Day 4 of 84

Today's Weight: 335 pounds
Delta (day): -1 pounds
Delta (total): -5 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 44.2
Yesterday's Calories: 4000ish
Last Night's Sleep: 9 hours
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: none

Day 3 of 84

Today's Weight: 336 pounds
Delta (day): +2 pounds
Delta (total): -4 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 44.3
Yesterday's Calories: 4090 (ordered pizza for Daughter's sleepover)
Last Night's Sleep: 6.5 hours
Yesterday's BP: 144/89, 51 pulse at 12:35 PM
Yesterday's Glucose: 101 mg/dL at 12:45 PM (4 hrs after meal)
Yesterday's Exercise: none

Day 2 of 84

Today's Weight: 334 pounds
Delta (day): -6 pounds (probably spurious, but recorded as observed)
Delta (total): -6 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 44.1
Yesterday's Calories: 2225 (going-away lunch for admin. asst., cheddar popcorn with movie)
Last Night's Sleep: 5.75 hours
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: Tae Kwon Do class (45 min)

Day 1 of 84

Since today is a baseline-establishing day:

Today's Weight: 340 pounds (baseline)
Delta (day): 0 pounds
Delta (total): 0 pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): 44.8
Yesterday's Calories: not measured
Last Night's Sleep: 5.25 hours
Yesterday's BP: not measured
Yesterday's Glucose: not measured
Yesterday's Exercise: Tae Kwon Do class (45 min)

Once More Unto The Breach, Dear Friends...

Yes, MediFast again. Tae Kwon Do has been doing wonders for my general level of fitness, but mostly, it's just redistributing weight, not reducing it. For example, while my waist seems to get progressively (albiet slowly) smaller, my thighs have bulked up to the point that my jeans feel tight.

I have 7 weeks until the next belt test. At that time, assuming I graduate to camouflage belt, I'll begin live sparring. Plus, I'm starting to reach the point where my ability to perform the moves is based more on my weight and balance than on my muscular condition. Time to shed the weight, not just maintain.

Roughly a month after that belt test will be my 20th high-school reunion. If I can't go with the love of my life on my arm, I want to go looking at least improved over my high school self. So, figure 12 weeks until that, or 84 days. I could publish an unrealistic goal here, as I've done before, but I think I'm going to settle for just tracking progress. I'm going to commit to myself to post the following here on a daily basis for the next 12 weeks (8/31 - 11/23):

Today's Weight: nnn pounds
Delta (day): nn pounds
Delta (total): nn pounds
Today's BMI (lb x 0.1319): nn.n
Yesterday's Calories: nnn
Last Night's Sleep: n.n hours
Yesterday's BP: nn/nn at nn:nnn
Yesterday's Glucose: nn at nn:nn, nn:nn after meal
Yesterday's Exercise: xxxx

Feeling a Little Low

L is as adamant as ever that she's sticking with the ex. The funny thing is, I never hear how much she loves him, just that she's sticking with him, and that he's changed and getting better all the time. To me that says she's just being stubborn...

Yup. There's nothing I can't turn into a ray of hope to justify my own view of the world.

Also, I came to a bit of a realization last night at Tae Kwon Do class. One of the teenage students (the adult class is 13 & over) is an attention-seeker with a short attention span. Over the past several weeks, he's had his belt taken away, his weapons taken away, injured my hip by being impatient during a stretching exercise, turned into a mini-stalker trying to impress a 15-year-old female student, and just generally run aruond showcasing his "hyperness", which he seems proud of, given that he'll gladly tell you what sugary treat he's had right before class. Supposedly, he's ADHD (but I only have that information from him). He's not a bad kid, it doesn't seem, just seems unwilling to take things seriously and pay attention to the instructors (yes, I know, if it's ADHD, he's incapable of it, but this seems more like "teenage boy" than ADHD).

The trouble is, I find myself getting drawn into conversations with him, which ultimately serve no purpose other than to distract me from my reason for being there, which is to train. And, since I have a bit of a clown gene in me as well, I need to watch myself to make sure that my attempts to amuse myself and other students doesn't become a disruption in their own right.

On the plus side, I'm really enjoying the classes, and I'm seriously considering signing up for the leadership program, which is essentially the training program for future instructors. I wouldn't want to do it unless I were completely physically capable of demonstrating all of the moves, but I do enjoy teaching, and I have noticed other students seeking out my opinion and help on the forms and techniques, at least from a "what do we do in what order" kind of way. So, maybe I'm a natural. :-)

Guess I forgot to feel low there for a minute or two...must mean the Black Mood doesn't have a total grip on me yet.

Been A While...

Over a month in fact.

I haven't really felt like updating lately. Too much going on in real life. But, a few updates:

The calisthenics in Taekwondo class are getting progressively easier, by which I mean I can do more of them before giving up, not that they've become trivial. I still leave each class drenched in sweat, muscles burning. Earned two of three stripes last night as progress toward my yellow belt.

Still trying to talk Daughter into entering the August tournament as a yellow-belt (since she'll just be doing the forms and one-step sparring combos she'll already have to have mastered to earn her camo belt). May have to enter myself, or at least volunteer to help run it (having helped organize large Quiz Bowl tournaments in high school).

Bought a Wavemaster kicking target, so Daughter and I can practice beating the crap out of things at home. Haven't quite decided where it will "live". Same for the leg-stretcher (Daughter doesn't need it, she's limber as a cat) to help dear old Dad with his kicks.

My dining room tapestry came in. It's an Old World map, very cool. Daughter saw it last night, and said "ewww, it's got naked people on it". And sure enough, there are some unclothed breasts and buttocks (in the style of the period the map was drawn), but not pictured in any sort of sexual way (mostly nymphs on the half-shell in ocean scenes, or angelic figures in sky). I tried to explain to her that it was art, and that nudity isn't inherently bad, but her comment was, "well, some peoples' art sucks". Wonder if she gets this from her mother who, while not being a prude, has some relatively old-fashioned ideas about nudity. The bra section of the Sears catalog is more erotic than the figures on the tapestry. Wonder if the ex will pitch a fit about it. I'd hate to have to go back and bowdlerize such a nice tapestry. Now all I need to do is find the right mounting hardware. I'm thinking kinda old-worldy wrought iron mounts with open-basket finials, to echo the iron-work on the living room end- and coffee-tables.

Oh, what else...not a whole lot, really. Just more work and less sleep...and uncontrolled cheating on the diet. Doctor isn't happy with my tracking of my blood pressure (stupid wrist cuff is accurate enough, but it frackin' BEEPS, so I can't really use it at my desk during the day), but I have officially lost 5 lb since I saw him last...which is about 1/10 of what I'd have liked to have lost.

Back to the grind.

Monday Weigh-In

325. 85 lb to go for Goal #1, 145 to go for Goal #2

Dork a la Orange

As of Thursday night, I'm an orange belt in Songahm Taekwondo, and Daughter's a yellow belt. I felt a little rushed to only have three weeks to learn the forms that would normally be part of an eight-week cycle, but I did okay, and Daughter nailed hers...the nice part is that the way the school runs, we'll both be learning the same form (she'll be learning the actual yellow belt form, I'll be learning the yellow belt form as an orange belt, then going back and learning the orange belt form as a yellow belt with the next class of orange belts...)

I think my big goal for the class is to be able to do all the calisthenics the instructors throw at us. Right now, I have to accept my limits and not overdo, and I'm sure as we advance, the cals will get tougher...but it's a good goal.

Monday Weigh-In

327. No net loss since Thursday. 8lb to go for 10-lb mini-milestone.

Theory: the rate of muscle development (mass-wise) from the TKD workouts is keeping pace with the weight loss. Muscle's 2x the density of fat, so if this is true, I should notice clothes fitting looser even with no scale loss.

Oh, Good Morning, Mr. Tyler. Going...Down?

Why yes, my weight is, thanks for asking. Down to 327 as of this morning. BowWowWowYippeeOhYippeeYay.

I'm not sure what to credit...sticking to the MediFast (with exceptions, but fewer), or the Tae Kwon Do workouts. Probably a combination of both. Last night, the sadistic (not really, they don't want you going past your abiilties) instructors had us do three "ab-related" exercises in a row: situps, leg-raises, and "rotating" leg-raises. Oddly, my abs don't hurt as bad as they did the first couple of days, but I know I didn't do as many as they wanted.

Also, they added three different flavors of push-ups: partner pushups, where two people face each other doing pushups and after each up-stroke, they take their right hand up and clap against their partner's hand; "bouncing" push-ups, where you push-up and shift to the right or left of a line on each up-stroke; and "around the clock" push-ups where you do a similar shift, but basically describe a half-circle with your body (feet remain stationary) one push up at a time (12-1, 1-2, 2-3, 3-4, 4-5, 5-6) and then back again in the same fashion.

So, clearly more exercise on non-TKD class nights is warranted to jump-start my ability to do sit-ups (and related exercises) and pushups.

It's A Good Story

Wednesday night, at Game Night, the table banter turned (as it has for the past few months) to making "Brokeback Mountain" jokes. I haven't seen the film, have no desire to. Perhaps that makes me closed-minded, perhaps that makes me unwilling to further reward artists for making movies I don't want to see. I mean, other than topping off the pop-culture tanks, I have zero curiousity to see this film.

Now, that may have something to do with the fact that I might be the only person on the planet who didn't think that "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" was a masterpiece. Yes, visually stunning, but the story seemed disjoint.

Anyway, the only woman at the table (and one of only two people at the table who've actually seen the film) offered her opinion of the film, at one point saying, "it's a good story". I was stupid enough to try arguing with her, on the grounds that you can't evaluate the goodness of the story without considering the viewer (beauty and the beholder, anyone?) To wit, there is no story that is absolutely good (or absolutely bad), just on its own merits. I finally got her to admit that it was her opinion that it was a good story, but she seemed peeved that I'd even argue the point. If I'm offended by, or at best, disinterested in a story about a homosexual affair between two ranchers, it's not a good story for me. I won't say it's a bad story, but I'm under no automatic obligation to see it just because you think it's good. There've been many stories that I've suspended judgement on until I've seen them. "Brokeback Mountain" won't be one of them.

It's Satisfaction, Enormous Satisfaction

229 as of this morning. Technically, down 6 from Friday morning.

A friend and I have a little wager going, with 10 lb milestones, and weigh-ins on Mondays. Either I'm 60% of the way to my first milestone, or I've just set the baseline.

Probably should verify that, given the stakes. :-)

Had a grand time with L and her girls yesterday, right up to the point she felt the need to rush home because she thought my ex was headed over at 6:00. I kept telling L that she didn't need to rush (I knew that my ex would call first, since she knew that L & the girls were over at my house), but to no avail. We went swimming (first time for me this season), and I got a mild burn in some of the less-well-sunscreeened areas, but overall, a good time by all.

But you knew that couldn't be the end of the story, right? In the course of conversation yesterday, L kinda hinted that things might not be all that great with her live-in, not-remarried-but-probably-having-sex, ex-husband. And in much the way a drowning man grasps at a line, my brain's latched onto that. Just not sure how to bring it up and test the water.

And just to prove that the universe has a quite perverse sense of humor, just as this new hope with L shows up, things have been inching ever so slightly forward with J (the woman I wrote about several posts ago, not my male friend and fellow MediFaster J).

Not content with my love life, the universe decided to have a little additional appliance fun. The microwave doesn't work now. I went to heat some water for bullion Saturday, and heard a "pop". The water stayed tepid even after 10 minutes in the 'wave. I think I'll be happier overall just replacing the damn thing (about $300 for a same-brand, slightly more capacious model) than calling out a repair tech, and having to make the same kind of choice I just made with the fridge.

Captain Algorithm, out.

The Dixie Twits

I don't even listen to much country music, and I never cared too much about the The Dixie Chicks, but I'm sick of hearing about it.

I touched on this a while back talking about how some people feel the need to inform others how embarrassed or ashamed they are to be loosely affiliated with someone else.

So the Chicks are back...and they're Not Ready To Make Nice. Good for them.

Here's my central argument. They were ashamed that the President is from the same state they are. They told a European audience this. To Americans, it seemed like pandering to the European crowd (would they have told a group in Houston the same thing? would they have felt the need to?) I'll say this: I don't agree that personal threats should have been made against them as a result. They're entitled to their opinion, and they're entitled to share it with whoever's willing to pay $90 to go to their concert and hear them preachify. By the same token, fans who wanted to organize Dixie Chick CD-barbeques were just as entitled to express their displeasure with their statement. And, since radio is supported by advertising, which is in turn dependent on listeners, if a radio station feels it needs to stop playing Chicks music to keep its listenership, that's just the free market, baby.

None of this makes the Chicks right or wrong. I personally thought their statement was ignorant, and just a little hypocritical. They're outspoken opponents of the war, and they cite being mothers as the impetus behind that. War is ugly, young people die in them, and mothers have always hated that (with the possible exception of Spartan mothers, who seemed to understand warrior culture and honor). But don't you think a band who's recorded a song whose hook is "Earl had to die" may not have the highest moral ground to stand on?

And yes, I understand that "Goodbye, Earl" is a song about the evils of spousal abuse, and that it's helped raise awareness of the problem, etc. etc. etc. But if you can sing about using violence to solve one problem, perhaps you should be prepared for people to find your opinions unpopular when you decry it in other situations.

Finally, there are those who wonder why people would stop listening to the music, just because of the personal statements of the band members. After all, they argue, they didn't become less-talented musicians just because their foot fits in their mouth. Well, let's ask the question a slightly different way. If I spend close to $100 a ticket to hear music, why should I be subjected to the personal opinions of the musicmakers (except, of course, when those opinions are actually contained within the songs, and I ostensibly know what I'm getting into)?

Since the Chicks' new CD just debuted at #1, perhaps in addtion to being ashamed that President Bush is from Texas, they could be a little appreciative of all this free publicity.

Tae Kwon D'oh!

Okay. I did it. I went to the first "Dads train free" class at Daughter's TKD school.

As you might imagine, a 6'1", 335 lb (yes, I've gained since March, about 12 lb) man is going to have a bit of trouble. I just didn't expect to have as much trouble with the basic calisthenics as I did. I can do about 10 push-ups, and maybe 1 sit-up. I think the problem with the sit-ups is that my upper body masses WAY more than my lower body, so there's no leverage. The sit-ups were done solo, which means no one holding the feet. I felt like a frackin' turtle on it's back.

Also, I think a salad w/chicken at the local Mexican place before class was probably a bad idea (and not just because it's not on the plan I outlined yesterday).

Regardless, I'll probably go back. Next class is Saturday. I can probably make 4 classes a week (Mon, Tue, Thu, Sat), which gives me 15 classes to figure out if I want to pay almost $80 a month for further torture (for the quick among you, I know there are 16 opportunities between now and June 30 on that schedule, but I'd have to miss this coming Monday).

My balance needs help. My flexibiilty needs help (particularly when it comes to the side kicks). Oddly enough, I seemed pretty solid on the punches, blocks and front snap-kicks (at least for my first time trying them all). Oh, and my general fitness level. Well, that's the whole point of the Medifast thing, right? And this IS exercise. Not just exercise, but exercise that really kinda requires me to do more exercise outside the class to not look like a total idiot.

Funny how shame is a more powerful motivator than health.

Insert Clever Title Here

June 1st.

By my wildly optimistic calculations, I should have hit my first goal (240 lb.) by this past Saturday.

Didn't happen.

Not surprising, really, considering I haven't really been giving any more than lip service to MediFast since about the beginning of April.

So, another pseudo-milestone is here. "What, oh what," you may ask, "is your wacky plan this time?"

Even if you didn't ask, you're going to get told. I remained convinced that MediFast can work (if only because J's wife has become pregnant as a result of her renewed sexual interest in his dramatically slimmer self), and as I've covered here before, the key is the evening. While I'm at work, the oatmeal, three shakes and the "candy" bar are plenty. I feel fine, not at all hungry and everything's great. Instead of the "salad with chicken on it" approach, I'm going to try using a double-packet of MediFast for dinner (I bought the chili, and while it's not bad-tasting, it's a bit inconvenient for work, so we'll see how it works). The MediFast site suggests taking an acid reducer (like Tagamet) to avoid the "gnawing" feelings, as they could be excess acid production.

So, we'll see. I'll do an official weigh-in tomorrow and reset my exepctations based on a June 1 start.

In other news:

Had to replace the refrigerator. Old one had an obstructed capillary line, and the repair was going to cost $750 with a 90-day warranty. It's nice having ice again.

Had to get the "downstairs" A/C recharged with Freon-22. Hell of a lot cheaper than it could have been.

Got the garage rearranged and the router table bench made. I've decided I still eventually need a sliding compound miter saw. The table saw is great for ripping, but not so good at cross-cutting narrow stock. I can use the circular saw to cross-cut, but it's not as precise.

Still need to replace the fence. The guy my friend used seems to have ceased being a going concern. The website's gone, and the phone he'd called me on has been disconnected.

I'm supposed to start "Dads train free" month at Daugther's Tae Kwon Do class tonight, but I'm considering ditching. I hate looking like a fool, and God knows a big guy like me isn't going to make a graceful sport like TKD look good. And there's no WAY I'm gonna be able to do a round kick above my belt. I'm just not that flexible. On the other hand, it would be exercise, and flexibility improves with practice.

No progress on guitar.

No progress on erasing the sleep debt.

An Icy Hand Gripping Your Intestines

The title refers to a feeling.

How do you get this feeling?

Get this phone call:

Ex-wife: You need to get to the school now.
Me: Why?
Ex-wife: Someone just tried to take Daughter from the playground.

Nothing convinces you that someday you may have a very real need to put a .45-caliber plug in someone's sick desires than THAT phone call. Do you know how many times you can violently kill someone in your imagination in the course of a 20-minute drive? I don't care about this scumbag's rights, I don't care about due process, I don't care about his late night sneaky uncle growing up. As far as I'm concerned, every registered sex offender in a several-mile radius is a suspect, and I could give a rat's ass about "quiet enjoyment". If you're a social liberal, you are hereby invited to stop reading my blog 4 sentences ago.

Daughter was on the school playground, but somewhat away from the rest of the kids. A guy approached her from behind a tree and told her to come with him. She made a beeline for her teacher and reported it. She said she was too scared to remember her Tae Kwon Do self-defense forms, but it sounds like he didn't get within grabbing range (still unclear on how close he got), so it's time to reinforce to her that getting away is always the goal, and she shouldn't reduce the distance between herself and a stranger just to get a good kick in.

I'm guessing it'll be a long time before she separates from the herd again. Still, all the talking and training has done it's job. She did exactly the right thing, even if she's a little frustrated that she didn't stick around long enough to get a good look at the guy.

Suddenly, there aren't nearly enough cameras watching us. I want this asshole's face on tape, and I want him off the streets. But first, I want 30 seconds to impress upon him just how little I care about going to jail for gunning his ass down if he were to hurt my daughter.

All Apologies For The Pity Party...

I have such BIG problems, don't I?

Every so often, I forget to count my many blessings. Maybe it comes from being a "glass half-empty" kinda person. There's a joke that kinda applies here:

Q: What's the difference between an optimist, a pessimist, and a process engineer?

A: To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the process engineer, you've got twice as much glass as you need.

I think I'm like a super-pessimist. Not only is the glass half-empty, it's actually 3/4 empty for a glass twice its size. Which is my own awkward way of saying I dream big, but can't quite bring myself to believe that I'll ever achieve the dream (whatever it is). So, when I do get close, the fall seems that much farther.

But I have good friends. Friends who call me on my bullshit and welcome me to the human race on a regular basis. As I said in the comments, I know there are people who'd gladly trade just one of their problems for the entirety of mine, and still think they were ahead of the game, and if my bitching and moaning offended anyone, please accept my apologies.

More entertaining stuff later, I promise.

The Black Mood Descendeth

...and when the Black Mood arrives, ain't nothing to do but wait it out.

From whence doth the Black Mood come?

I'm sure part of it is giving up on J. She reiterated that she's not over the ex, that they still talk regularly, and that she can't date until she's resolved those feelings. I thought I was being fairly low-key, but I guess not. So, now, of course, I feel like a shit for trying to insinuate myself into her circle of friends. And, looking back, all of our communication was initiated by me. Not a good sign.

Another big part of it is continuing to realize that L is systematically removing me from her life. She's big on "mental adjustments", and I'm sure this is a mental adjustment. She mentally adjusted herself into letting her ex-husband move back in (even though he's pretty much as big a dumbass as ever), and she's mentally adjusted herself into thinking that makes her happy (I guess not actively being UNhappy counts?). So, all that's left is to mentally adjust me out of the picture, and everything's cozy again.

Still another is that my ex is pursuing yet another Lucy & Ethel plan. This one involves buying land and manufactured home about an hour from me. This will mean Daughter will go to a different school, and I won't see her as often. The primary draw seems to be that they'll be next door to friends of my ex.

Oh, and I TOTALLY suck at the diet. By now, I was supposed to be down to like 295. Still at 323+.

And to top it all off, everything about this one-off DJ gig is turning out to 50-100% harder and more hassle than I'd planned.

So, let's summarize...I'm still fat, still not getting enough sleep, still fundamentally unlovable.

I think the only question left is, why didn't the Black Mood descend earlier, and what reason does it have to leave?

Teach a man to phish...

Compare the above to the phishing effort here. It seems that when it comes to impersonating Chase, the technology is devolving. The giveaways here:

• "from company": atrocious Engrish.
• "service(s) listed below": ummmm...what services???
• "you will have to use your Social Security Number": whaddaya wanna bet I'd show up as not enrolled for Internet Banking? Good plan to snag the SSN twice, though.
• "not changes": we spreak Engrish velly goodry.
• "to staff": marginal, but probably should be "to our staff" or "to customer service"
• the URL doesn't even try to look safe this time, and it goes to http://access-ssl.com/..../
• Sincerely, who???
• usually, Customer Service in that context would be capitalized
• "Please do not 'Reply'": well, duhhhhhh...although typically, the warning is more like "this Alert was sent from an automated service that cannot receive messages"
• "internet banking account Financial Group": such a lack of self-esteem
• "All rights reserved": that made me laugh out loud...what rights? The right to hoover up my identity and go on a spending spree?

It does occur to me that by pointing out the shortcomings, I'm inviting phishers to build a better phishhook, but then I checked my site access logs and realized that the world is safe. :-)

Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot.

So, in this post, I mentioned the mortgage ads that feature the bloated, stretched animals. Something like this:

Man, that is one fracked-up wolf. But ya know, at least you can tell it's a wolf.

What the HELL is this:

There's a lot of crap going on here. First of all, it looks like some sort of weird cross between Shrek, the Genie from Aladdin, and Satan. It's got a rose in its teeth and a guitar, so it looks like a flamenco guitarist. But, it's naked. Thankfully, it's also fat, so the belly hides the (presumably) male bits. And, you can't see it well here, but it has wings (the brown blob over its left shoulder is one). The screengrab I got is one frame, but this fellow also dances, with little percentages (like 2%, 3%) emanating from his guitar like notes.

Okay, so 10 out of 10 for getting my attention, but I stand by my original observation. Who sees either of these things and says to themselves, "hey, I need to refinance my house"?

At least the True dating service ads include gorgeous women with a lot of exposed cleavage. I think I know the lure there.

The People You Meet In Software Engineering (#1)

Welcome to a new semi-regular feature of Something Else to Bitch About! My goal is to document the different kinds of engineers, managers, etc. that you are likely to encounter in the software engineering field. This will pop up whenever I feel like it, and will feature whoever's pissed me off the most recently.

Without further ado, I give you:

#1: Davey Deepdive

Davey is the kind of guy who can't stand any uncertainty. Davey wants to know exactly how something is going to work, down to the individual bits, before going forward. If Davey is participating in requirements definition or preliminary design, you'll want to extend those efforts by 3x, just to account for the disruption that he'll cause. Any meeting Davey is in will come to a grinding halt as soon as you try to move to the next item without having exhaustively specified the one you were talking about. No detail is too small, no issue too trivial to be sliced, diced and julienne-fried to death. Davey can be shouted down by a large enough group, but just because he's down, don't count him out. He'll remain uncomfortable with the whole process, certain that you're walking the path to ruin, and if you need complete consensus, rotsa ruck.

Coming soon:

Wally Wrenchtosser
Billy Beancounter
Chris Clueless
Jerry Justintime

and many others...

What part of "catch me" didn't you understand?!?!?!

Brief update, because I'm tired. The title of this post is a quote from Michael Waltrip in today's race. T and I were listening on a scanner to his conversations with his pit crew during a caution for a different wreck. He reported to them that he had no brakes and when he came in, he needed them to look at the problem and see how severe it was. He also told them that because he had no brakes, he'd need them to be ready to catch him (already going slow under caution, and having to slow down further on entering pit road, this wasn't as dangerous or silly as it might sound at first).

So, he enters pit road, and manages to (presumably by downshifting) get down to pit speed. As he pulls up to his pit, the crew did not seem to take his request to catch him seriously. As T and I watched his car roll into, and then out of, his pit, we suddenly heard Waltrip yell, "what part of 'catch me' didn't you understand?!?!" We both just burst out laughing, and ended up having to explain to some of the fans around us. They seemed to get the brake problem fixed, because he was able to finish the race fine, but I imagine there will be some discussions before tomorrow's Nextel Cup race...

I wanna put on, my my my my my boogity shoes...

Thanks to a timely boot purchase, my brother T scored tickets to the O'Reilly 300 Busch Series race at Texas Motor Speedway Saturday, and he invited me along. Allow me to share a few thoughts:

Yes!

Woo-hoo!

Frickin' A!

I can't help but be a little jealous, since a buddy of T's has a spare ticket to the Samsung/Radio Shack 500 on Sunday, so T's going to both major events this weekend. I probably owe Daughter a trip out to the Fort Worth 400, since she missed the dirt track race and thought it Monumentally Unfair that I couldn't take her to this race, but I told her I'd try to snag a picture of Michael Waltrip's #99 Aaron's Dream Machine done up in Texas Longhorn colors for her teacher (who's a UT alum).

Clearing the cache:

Not-a-date update: J's uncle passed away last Wednesday (unexpectedly), so she's been naturally dealing with that. Still, we've talked a lot, and I've tried to offer the help and support I can. Nefarious plans to woo her are, of course, on hold.

Diet update: So far, so good for the past two days. We'll see how it survives NASCAR.

Guitar update: We were actually able to take some time to do a lesson on Sunday. She's picking it up pretty well, but her fretting could use some work (when she develops the calluses, that'll help).

Wild, crazy-ass idea update: I'm trying to learn to dance, at least two-step, by S&J's wedding. Hoping to use Daughter as a practice partner, since she's tall, and much more graceful than I am.

General update: Signed Daughter up for Taekwondo. She really seems to be responding to it. Perhaps she does better at more solitary sports, where it's just her versus the sport, and she doesn't have to have the same dedication as her teammates. She never seemed to be into the sport of soccer enough to continue in the cutthroat world of AYSO, though she did like being part of a team. The TKD classes have plenty of students to socialize with (though, I am very impressed with the no-nonsense approach they demand-and get-from the students during class) but her progress is at her pace. We'll see how long she sticks to it. I might even join a class. It looks like fun.

My new favorite diet term

Rationalie

For an accidental typo by a friend of mine, this pretty much perfectly describes the things I tell myself to make non-diet food seem okay. Rationalizing is almost by definition lying to one's self, but rationalying makes it that much more obvious.

Rationalie: "I've blown it by having xxxx, as long as I have yyyy before bed and be good tomorrow, my body will forget the extra calories"

Rationalie: "100 calories worth of popcorn won't affect the diet"

Rationalie: "Adding bacon and parmesan to the salad won't hurt"

Rationalie: "I've only had 500 calories today, but my BMR is over 2800, so anything less than 2300 calories will be positive"

Damn, I'm a sick puppy.

Any meaningless milestone in a storm

Okay, it's trite and stupid, but it'll do. As of 01:02:03 (PM) 04/05/06, I'm re-dedicating myself to the Medifast diet. I went off it completely for the Springfield weekend, and since then, I've been playing very fast and loose with the rules. I still managed to pretty much use the products during my work day, but dinner has become more of a free-for-all, and obviously, any weight-loss has stalled.

S's wedding is in 24 days. I'd like to get down to 300 by then.

I have in the back of my head a worry. Last April, I had to have some suits rush-made to support some business meetings. I don't ordinarily have to "suit up" that often for my job, and as it turned out I didn't need them specifically then, but I did look pretty spiffy for Midnight Mass this year. These suits were tailored to my 350+ pound frame, and they were pretty expensive ($1500 for two suits, 5 shirts, 5 ties, 6 pair of socks and a pair of shoes). I think(!) that the suit I owned previously will fit me at 300-315 lbs, so I should be covered for the wedding, but I'm thinking there's only so far these expensive suits can be tailored down (particularly as I near my goals). I guess that's part of the price of weight-loss, but it seems a shame.

Then again, remaining unhealthy and unattractive for the sake of a couple of suits is stupid. If nothing else, maybe I can get by with having the jackets and shirts tailored (I doubt my shoulders will get much less broad) and purchasing new pants.

Being embarrassed as a member of ______

As many of you may know, a woman recently lost her camera on a trip to Hawaii and started blogging about it. In particular, this post seemed to draw a number of comments like "Oh, I'm so embarrassed that they're Canadian", or "Hey, not all Canadians are like these two", or even one fellow who felt the need to speculate that the U.S. needed to have another skyscraper destroyed because it makes good TV.

Leaving the last nut aside for the minute, this kind of talk takes me back to the run-up to the 2004 election, where Natalie Maines of the Dixie Chicks felt the need to inform a London crowd, "Just so you know, we're ashamed the President of the United States is from Texas". This incident has been analyzed, dissected, shouted about and written about before. I never quite understood why they thought there wouldn't be any backlash from it. Is there some disease that affects celebrities such that they believe that everyone, everywhere is going to treat what they say as the One and Only Truth?

Anyway, it led me to think that a lot of people seem to feel the need to function as apologists for their countrypeople (or really, other members of whatever group they happen to be part of). I was no more ashamed to be a white American male between 25 and 35 when Tim McVeigh blew up the Murrah building than I was the day prior. Why not? Because McVeigh's crime was (at least partly) against my group, in addition to him being part of my group. I knew that the vast majority of other white American males between 25 and 35 would look at his behavior as non-representative, and with that "insulation", I felt no need to create distance by apologizing for my group.

I guess the issue is pride. "We believe our group (Americans, Texans, whatever) is so wonderful", the logic seems to go, "that anyone from it is endowed by their Creator with an inalienable aura of wonderfulness, incapable of causing offense to anyone." And when someone from that group turns out to be a turd in the toilet of life, we're shocked, SHOCKED that one of us could act in that fashion, and it embarrasses us so much that we quickly scramble to apologize to them. When the offense by a member of our group targets someone who is not in our group, we get nervous. We worry about what the other group will think of us. We worry that the other group is not as enlightened as us, not as capable of distinguishing grey as we are. We worry that the offending member will be regarded as representative of our group, and that our group will be held responsible for that person's acts.

Human beings are, at their basest level, little better than animals. Their ability to engage in asocial behavior is not inherent in their nationality, ethnicity, faith, physical features, etc., it's inherent in their genes. Ultimately, we're all part of one group: human beings. True, society shapes people, and provides them incentives to overcome their baser nature. And certainly there are national, ethnic, faith and other elements to society. But if I reach into a bag of 300 million peanut M&Ms and get a green one of a particular shape, who's to blame if I assume that all 299,999,999 remaining M&Ms will be exactly the same? The M&M? The remaining M&Ms? Or me?

A noble spirit embiggens the smallest man

Props to The Simpsons for the title. I figured since I spent the weekend in Springfield, it was apropos.

Growing up, my sister L and I always celebrated our birthdays together. Our birthdays are two days apart (she's a year younger), and since we were a large family, I'm sure the tradition started out having as much to do with wanting to economize as with L and I being close. Since the birthday child got to pick their favorite dish for their birthday dinner (and of course, the requisite cake and ice cream), it was probably easier to get L and I to agree on birthday dinner (as I recall, we always both chose lasagna) than it was to afford two birthday dinners, cake and ice cream in the space of one week.

Well, about a week and a half ago, my brother-in-law hatched the idea to have me come up to the mid-way point between us and celebrate the birthdays (which were last Sunday, and this past Tuesday). He had gotten the weekend off work, and L didn't know. So, he was going to concoct a story that would have them going to Springfield for some reason, without mentioning me, and have me showing up be a surprise. I suggested that our brother T might want to come up too, and we started planning. We set a meeting place and time, and I made hotel reservations on Hotwire. (As it turns out, Hotwire saved me only about $4 per room over the hotel's normal rates).

The drive up was uneventful, and in a bit of luck, even though T and I were running about an hour behind, so were D & L, so we actually got to the Bass Pro Shop first (D's excuse being that he wanted to look at boats). Regretting our decision not to be more specific about meeting places (the paintball section was mentioned, but never cemented as the place to meet), T and I started wandering the store, hoping to come up behind them and call L on her cel. As it turns out, we were heading toward the main entrance when I spotted D&L. It took L a few seconds to process the image, and she just said "No. Way." Not quite perfect, but better than I figured we'd do.

After we wandered around Bass Pro for a while (for a guy who hates fishing, I sure like boats), we decided to check in at the hotel. After asking the cute clerk where the fun places in Springfield are, we cleaned up and went out to dinner. The place we chose (a Lone Star steakhouse) was a bit crowded, so we had to wait. This young fellow with some Chinese characters tattooed on his neck was bitching at his wife (I think we determined they were married) about the wait, and how they wouldn't be waiting if she hadn't decided she was hungry, and didn't choose that place, and just on and on. It turned out they were seated near us, and we allllllmost told our waitress that it was the guy's birthday, just to screw with his head a little bit and maybe jerk him out of the jackass mood he was in (no, I haven't successfully figured out why we gave a rat's ass...it just seemed important to rescue his wife from his bad attitude). We didn't, but after they'd left, we let the waitress in on why we were giggling when she passed by. I think she'd already decided we were nuts when T followed her "Hi, I'm ____, I'll be your waitress tonight" with "Hi, I'm T, and this is C, L and D" and I broke in with, "And he'll be your idiot tonight."

Based on the hotel clerk and our waitress, Cowboys 2000 was the most fun you can have with everyone remaining clothed. It was big, and marginally a Country/Western club, but when we walked in, the Black-eyed Peas' "My Humps" was playing. Oh, and the entire back 1/3 of the place is a bull-ring, and they had live bull-riding Saturday night. When we go out in and around my hometown, D knows a lot of people, so he's usually making the rounds, catching up with friends, and he and L will occasionally dance. T is more often to be found in C&W bars, and apparently gets his dance on fairly easily. Me, I just drink, hoping to get drunk enough to dance, which usually leads to a hangover I don't deserve. Well, being that we were in a strange town, D didn't have much to do, and since he's down a lung (surgically removed last year to remove cancer), the way he and L generally dance would probably have exhausted him (I'm sure there's a name for the style, but it's kinda a frenetic swing style, very fast, very dangerous-looking). T didn't seem to see anyone he wanted to approach to dance with, and I was too busy trying to figure out if taking a shot from the waitress's navel would be possible. So, we ended up drinking and watching, which mostly meant commenting on the weight or dance skills of some of the girls on the dance floor, but did get a bit interesting when they couldn't get the last bull of the night out of the ring and back to the pen.

Much like the old dude at the races, I was inclined to go easier on the girls. Yes, some of them were quite large, and made some questionable fashion choices (in particular, the flouncy pleated white miniskirt was probably a bad choice for its wearer), but I gotta figure they were having way more fun than we were. I did have a good time, but drinking and people-watching is my idea of a good time sometimes. The big thing stopping me (because I did get drunk enough) was not knowing which girls were there as singles (or in a pack of other girls) and which were there with men that might not appreciate my attention to their girl. Yeah, I can be a big puss sometimes.

Sleeping until 10:00 AM Sunday was great. I think it's the longest night's sleep on the CPAP I've gotten, and according to T, I don't seem to snore anymore. Woo-hoo!

OH! and for those who were curious...going through Oklahoma, we spotted a few restaurants of the chain that sponsored the "chicken" cars that T and I were fans of at the races. It's Charlie's Chicken and BBQ, and seems to be mostly an Oklahoma chain (as I recall, the drivers were Okies) with a handful of franchises in AR, KS, and MO. Ironically enough, the two MO locations are both in Springfield.

Wonder if they serve primarily flatmeats?

Silencing the Critic

(Hopefully, part 1 of several)

Well, the religion question is now more or less moot. Turns out J (the woman) is in the process of converting to Catholic (I was wrong guessing Southern Baptist...she grew up Methodist), and is shopping around churches. Additionally, she's more of a traditionalist Catholic, very much like me (well, when I'm practicing, anyway). We both don't have much patience for the praise music and hand-holding (I think of it as the Protestantization of the Catholic Mass), and prefer our churches somber, structured, and actually housed in a real actual church building, with pews and kneelers. For those of you familiar with UML, J and I agree on the definitions of the stereotypes «priest», «church», and «mass» (fitting, since I met her in a UML class I was teaching).

Further interestingly, she's going to be going this weekend to the church my friend D got married in New Year's Eve (see my January 1 post), which is one of the candidates I've been considering. If I weren't going to be in MO this weekend, it'd be a perfect time to check it out myself. As it is, I told J she'd have to let me know what she thinks, since we seem religiously compatible. (See Resolutions 2006).

Wow.

Earlier this evening, I had my date with J, the cute blonde mentioned in the last two posts. (Side note: It seems I know a lot of people who have 'J' as their first initial.) I was a little apprehensive this morning, because she IM'ed me and said that she'd realized Monday night that she's not quite over the effects of breaking up with her ex-boyfriend, and didn't think she was ready to date right now. Me, being Mr. Flexible, countered with the notion that for me, we'd have to start out as friends to begin with, and as long as we weren't totally shutting the door on her and I dating, I was cool with just hanging out. After which, I asked her if she was free to hang out tonight.

So, we had our Not-A-Date at a local sports bar/restaurant. I procured us some billiard balls and a couple of drinks, and we proceeded to talk for over an hour without even racking up the balls. Damn, she's cute. Tall, feminine, and utterly cute. She was telling me she can get up an hour before she needs to be at work because she doesn't fuss with hair or makeup. And yet, wow! We're pretty similar, it turns out. Our musical tastes aren't really all that well aligned, but she doesn't listen to anything I absolutely can't stand. She's an engineer, but not one of the socially-retarded kind (I view myself as a high-functioning social retard). So far (on the evidence of two games of 8-ball), she's better than me at pool, though she seems cursed to scratch on the 8-ball, so I technically won both games. Since I left at least three balls on the table each time, I have to count those as victories for her.

She said she had to leave by around 8:00 to do some work for a relative, so at around 7:00 I suggested we have dinner in the restaurant portion of the bar. We talked all through dinner. I don't think I've ever felt as immediately at ease conversationally with someone. I take that back...there was a girl in college, A, who I had a similar rapport with. Interestingly enough, A is the first woman I seriously proposed to, even knowing she'd turn me down (given that she was engaged to another fellow at the time). A's been married for like 15 years now, with two little girls, so I guess she made an okay choice.

I know I'm getting ahead of myself, and I'm probably setting up for a fall, but I really like this girl. I'm enchanted, entranced, enraptured...and my ex-wife felt the need to call my cel phone THREE TIMES during dinner before finally just leaving a message. To my credit, I didn't take any of the calls, and it was no big damn deal, but S just can't seem to stand me not being where she thinks I should be. Hell-OOOOO, we're divorced, and I didn't know about her new boyfriend until the week he moved in with her, so I really don't feel the need to be where S thinks I should be all the damn time.

We ended up being so engrossed in talking that we lost track of time a bit, and didn't end up leaving unti 8:30. I told her I had a great time, and was really looking forward to hanging out again, and we parted.

And now, the analytical portion of my brain will have a go, listing possible incompatibilities:

• She seemed interested that I grew up Catholic, but didn't make any comment other than that. Of course, it came up in the context of me coming from a large family, and she said her second guess would have been Mormon, so maybe it's just a stereotype thing. I didn't quiz her on her religion, but since she's a Texas girl, born and raised, my guess is probably Southern Baptist.
• I am eleven years older than she is. Not necessarily a problem, as she seems to have a history of dating older men (what brief history I got).
• I have a 10-year-old daughter. Again, she seemed interested the few times that Daughter came up conversationally, and didn't seem at all fazed by it, so maybe a non-issue.
• She might have assumed I was trying to get a peek down her blouse while we were playing. I was really doing everything I could to avoid that impression, focusing on the target pocket rather than her while she lined up shots, etc., but the top she was wearing was...generously cut. Certainly a desirable view, but she might have assumed I was focusing there, rather than getting accidental glances.
• I may seem too "into" her to be trusted to stay "just friends" until she decides she's ready to date again. Not that I made it a secret, though I think she knows she's attractive. I did tell her that in my opinion, the difference between "hanging out" and a "date" at this point was whether I'd try to kiss her at the end of the evening. (No, I did not. Wanted to REALLY REALLY bad, but didn't even do a "test lean-in".)

Okay, enough from the Critic. I'm calling this one a Win, and I'm very much inclined to keep playing.

I did...She will. Wooo-hooooooo!!

The cute blonde woman I mentioned earlier? I nutted up, IM'ed her, and got a date.

Go me!

2 Months - Jan 15 to Mar 15.

25 pounds in 2 months.

Admittedly, I have not been the poster-boy for Medifast. But even when I'm behaving, progress is slower than I'd like, and more importantly, slower than J managed.

Wonder if the cute blonde from the class I taught Monday and Tuesday would go out with me. She seemed to like my sense of humor.

Wonder if I'll ever get the nerve to find out...

They're getting better, but thank God, not by much...

I got this email today from a phisher, and it was well enough done (at first glance) to give me pause. Here's what's wrong with it:

1) Clearly, their spoofer doesn't do well with dates, otherwise, I'm WAAAAY behind on getting this email (sent in 2000? get real)

2) As usual, the official-looking, safe-looking URL really doesn't lead to the secure website the message promised. In this case, it goes to the less-safe looking (and non-secure) http://banking-jpmchase.com (please, readers, justify my faith in your smarts and don't click the link - yeah, I know it's like telling Stimpy not to press the History Eraser Button, but fight the urge).

3) The grammar isn't up to "Corporate America" standards. The seemingly random placement of commas, the misplaced plural, the "Jpmorgan" instead of J.P. Morgan, and the atrocious blurb about how safe you are banking with Chase are all big red flags.

4) And let's not forget the Big-Daddy-Don-Garlits of them all...if this is from my bank, and they know my account number, why am I addressed as "customer" (in lower-case, no less) instead of by my name? [Note: they didn't actually have my account number, but they did include a number that was supposed to look like an account number in the subject line.]

However, I am glad that once they're done stealing my information, they'll direct me back to the "actual Online Access Agreement".

There's something almost insidious about the "covered 100%" blurb. It's almost like they're making it sound okay for them to steal your information, because you won't be held responsible for it. So, go ahead! Click on the link and let them hoover up your identity. It won't be your fault.

When you know what to look for, these are almost laughable. The frightening part is that I'm the only one in my family (except maybe brother T) who knows what to look for. But then, I'm the only one who conducts a significant amount of his financial life online so far.

If I could just get everyone to stop forwarding the damn "send this along to everyone you know and ______ will happen" (where _____ is "you have true friends", "Jesus will love you", "Maryann Wizzleteats will get a new spleen", "somebody will send you a $50 gift card", "Yahoo won't shut down their instant messenger service", etc.) emails and IMs, I'd be a happier person.

Surf safely, folks.

Boogity! Boogity! Boogity! Let's go racin', boys!

Okay, so I'm not Darrell Waltrip, and it wasn't NASCAR, but I had a blast this weekend at Texas Motor Speedway for the Pro-Cuts Texas World Dirt Track Championships.

It was loud.

It was smelly.

It was dirty.

I loved every second of it! There is just something about a field of 20-30 modifieds rumbling (literally, vibrate-your-chest-cavity rumbling) past the Start/Finish in a rolling start. DAMN! Almost puts me half-mast just thinking about it.

In addition to the modifieds, they ran SUPR Late Model cars, with Kenny Schrader driving the #99 Pro-Cuts/Red Baron car. For some reason, my brother and I became fans of the #9 and #427 "chicken" cars, which were sponsored by a chicken restaurant chain. I forget the exact chain, because the only thing that will come into my head is "Clyde Torkle Chicken Pit Special".

Of course, the best part was this older fellow who happened to be sitting in front of us both evenings. This guy was jazzed!!! He was jumping up and down, waving the cars around, yelling instructions, yelling stuff up to the track announcer... He was having 10 times more fun than anyone around him. My brother was kinda annoyed with him, but I thought it was awesome. Clearly, this guy loves racing. I get the impression he maybe was a driver at some point, and he made some mention of working on engines for at least one of the competitors, but even if all he is is a big fan, he's a guy who knows how to enjoy a race.

Really, if you weren't there, any description of the races themselves I'd try to offer would just fall flat, so I'm not even going to try. But I've already marked my calendar for next year. :-) Haircut in mid-February, races the first weekend in March.

As for the diet, I'm going to quote Daughter:

"I don't want to talk about it".

Up and back, right on track (with apologies to Breakfast Club)

[First time for everything. Blogger seems to have lost the original post, so this is a rewrite.]

Brief diet update:

As of Feb 27, 2006: 329 lb (21 lost since Jan 15).

I've found a way to minimize the impact of the "night hungries". Of course, the goal is still to either go to bed before they manifest, or just power through it with my amazing brain, but every good system has a safety valve, and I've found mine:

Popcorn. A mini-bag of low-fat Act II microwave popcorn has 100 calories and 20g carbs. Not as good as 0 calories and 0 carbs, but a hell of a lot better than 600-800 calories and over 100g carbs from Pop-Tarts and jalapeno-cheese crackers. Yes, I know, air-popped would be even lower, but air-popped popcorn tastes like ass, and it's not food, it's packing material. Popcorn has bulk that another MediFast shake or sugar-free Jell-O does not, and since the problem has more to do with my stomach being horribly, horribly empty (as opposed to feeling woozy due to lack of calories), the bulk is key.

So, wish me luck. I hope to be able to report 322 by next Monday.

Oh, Circuit City redux: had to go back in Sunday for more crimpable speaker posts. They actually had a register open. And it was staffed by Rose, who was incredibly cute (at least, when she wasn't looking totally bored). Big brown eyes, elfin features, long curly hair, killer smile. And I totally failed to even try to get her digits.

Great price, if you actually get to pay for it...

Last night, I went to Circuit City to pick up some speakers for my home theater. I'd found them online for a good price (after watching them for a while), and decided yesterday was the day. I couldn't pick up everything I ordered at my normal store, so I selected another store in the area. After driving around trying to find the place for almost 90 minutes, I finally called the number listed on the pickup receipt to ask where they were at. There was an option on the VRS (voice response system) that listed "directions to the store", so I chose that.

Imagine my surprise when the directions turned out to be a very brief recording, directing me to a website!!!! If I'm calling you, on the phone, wouldn't it be a reasonable assumption that I don't have access to the frackin' web????

So after retrying and picking the option where I talk to a real-life wageslave, I find out that I'd known all along where the store was, if I'd not had a cranio-rectal inversion. It's the big, new Circuit City that's one of the anchor stores for the new open-air mall near my house. It was impressive when I walked in, and since I was doing merchandise pickup, I went straight to the customer service counter. Turns out, they were doing all the checkouts at the customer service desk, which given the number of customers, didn't seem to be much of a problem, although they seemed a bit disorganized.

I was pleasantly surprised that the store had a $20 lower price on the satellites/center channel set I was buying, so they credited my card with the difference, and I was feeling pretty good. Right up until I had to go back into the store to pick up some crimpable speaker lugs. I found the lugs, picked up two packages, and went back to customer service. By this point, there was one fellow working the desk. There was a pretty girl ahead of me, but she didn't seem to have anything in her hands (either to purchase or exchange), and a guy showed up behind me buying a full computer system (monitor, printer, CPU, the works). So, the customer service dude is helping the girl, and it's taking forever. One of the other employees starts stacking Mr. Computerbuyer's stuff behind the counter, and tells the customer that the customer service dude would take care of ringing him up. After a full 5 minutes (standing there, with two small packages of speaker lugs), I realized that the young lady was filling out a job application, and CustomerServiceDrone was giving her his undivided attention. Not that I blame him, she was attractive, and they were racially compatible, as it were. But, it started a slow burn in me. Then, as he was wrapping up with her, he started looking over Mr. Computerbuyer's stuff, and seemed to assume that since Mr. Computerbuyer was hanging out near his stuff (close to the service desk) while I was actually at the "wait here" line, that somehow, I was last in line.

To be fair, I don't know the whole story. I don't know if Mr. Computerbuyer had returned a different computer and was picking out the replacement (there was a cart with what looked like returned computer equipment in front of the service desk), or if it was a new purchase, but he clearly arrived in line after I did. CustomerServiceDrone, no doubt busy contemplating the idea of having the pretty girl as a co-worker, seemed to have no idea who was next (never mind that this particular CSD was the one who processed my speaker pickup not 15 minutes earlier). Luckily, either Mr. Computerbuyer figured it out, or just saw my slow burn starting to heat up, and suggested that the CSD take me next, since I seemed to have a very small purchase. 30 seconds later, I had my lugs, had my change, and was on my way, after making it a point to thank Mr. Computerbuyer.

Still, overall, I saved $80 on my purchases when the smoke cleared. I guess I'll call it a wash. I hope she gets the job, they seem to need the help.

Actually, that's not true. No fewer than three employees (at least two of which had been working the customer service desk when I was picking up the speakers) passed by the service desk as all this was going on. MIJM, but it seems like if you're not going to have any of the normal registers open, you could still find time to ring up a few purchases while someone fills out a job application.

I guess I still hope she gets the job, but more than that, I hope they get their crap straight. It's a big, gorgeous store, and I'd hate to avoid it because it's staffed with morons.

Okay, exactly WHICH frackin' award did they win????

As promised last Thursday, spleen ventage, but first, a little commentary on language.

You may have noticed the "nerf curse" stand-in in the title. I borrowed it from the new Battlestar Galactica (which is a tasty piece of sci-fi in a post-Trek world). Here's what I'm pondering: clearly, we're using the word "fracking" to stand in for a more popular f-word ending in a nice satisfying hard 'k'. Interestingly, to my tongue, "freaking" doesn't have the same satisfaction to it that "fracking" does (and neither come close to the Universal Adjective). So, if the replacement is more-or-less globally recognized as a stand-in for the naughty original, to the point where every viewer knows what's really being said, what's the point of the substitution? How is it that "fracking" gets a pass by the FCC (which is clearly who SciFi is afraid of, though don't even get me started on the terms used in "Tripping the Rift"), but the good ol' Anglo-Saxonism we all know and love, which is clearly and unapologetically stood in for by the nerfed term, is still stigmatized? MIJM.

Okay. Careful of the bile. Last Saturday (the 11th), as I'm sitting using my computer, the Intel Storage Utility pops up and tells me that one of the hard drives has just failed. Now, this ordinarily would be a pretty catastrophic thing, but in this case, more of an annoyance, since the drives in my computer are set up in a RAID1 array, so that all of my data is mirrored. Without the second drive, I'm pretty much operating "without a net", but I view that the RAID array (and the extra money I spent on it) is doing its job, protecting me from data loss.

I had a similar failure (on the other of the two original drives) last August. After a few go-rounds with Dell support chat, I got a tech dispatched to my house to fix it. I was less than pleased with that experience, partially because what the tech did is nowhere near out of my skill set (I've worked with computer hardware for decades, and at one point had 14 running computers in my house, all built or recofigured by me from parts), but mostly because nobody gave me any advance warning, so this idiot calls me when he reaches my neighborhood, lets me know he's near my house, and expects me to be there. Of course, I'm at work, so I have to drop everything, dash to my house (1/2 hour away) and let this guy in, all so he can crack the case, unplug the old drive (SATA, even), plug in the new drive, and then fart around for half an hour trying to get the case closed again. I'm the one who had to point out what the case was getting hung up on. Sheesh.

At this point, I should mention that by and large, I'm deliriously happy with the computer. It's got a big, gorgeous 21" LCD monitor, the aforementioned RAID array, dual-layer DVD burner, and a kick-ass video card to go with the 3.8 GHz processor. Even the drive failures don't dampen my enthusiasm (though I have to suspect that Dell uses even crappier drives in the RAID systems than they do the non-RAID, specifically because of the failure tolerance).

Back to Saturday. I fire up the Dell Support Chat again, and get a fellow who's name escapes me, because the chat session died before we got anywhere on my problem. The second fellow, Amit (hmmm...think Dell outsources their support to India?) wanted me, as the first step, to shut down the computer, open it up, and inspect the drive cables, looking for bent pins. I told him there was no way I was going to perform that step, because it was unnecessary (the computer remains stationary, and has for months, and besides, the failure happened WHILE I WAS ACTUALLY USING THE COMPUTER!). After a few minutes convincing poor Amit that his level-1 support script was asking me to do stupid, stupid things, he suggested I restart the machine to verify that it showed up in the BIOS. I informed him that since the Intel Storage Utility had reported the specific drive, and I was able to pull up information about it at that moment from within Windows, that it was a pretty safe bet that it shows up in the BIOS, and I wasn't doing that either. Finally (after asking for his supervisor and informing him of my computer hardware and technical support bona fides), he gives me the magic incantation I need to chant to re-contact Dell Support so they can verify that yes, indeed, my drive is fracked.

I ran the diagnostics he specified, noting the failure points (unrecoverable data error in block blahblah), and then attempted to start Dell Support Chat again. After 45 minutes of dorking around with "all our agents are busy" messages (guess that means that they are actually humans, and not clever little ELIZAs), I finally get connected to Kumar (I can't tell you how badly I wanted to ask about Harold and White Castle). After I report the results to Kumar, he dinks around a bit and finally says he's going to dispatch someone. After regaling my tale of the previous tech dispatch, he agrees to just send me the drive, on the agreement that my credit card will be billed if I fail to return the defective drive within the specified time. He asked if I felt confident that I could perform the replacement, and I assured him that it was well within my skillset. At the time, I was told it'd be about three days. Well, three days was up last Wednesday, even if I'm generous and allow for three business days. Turns out, when I went and looked it up on the Dell Support site, it didn't even show up unless I do a particular query, and even then it wouldn't show me details.

Which brings me to the title of this post. The Dell Support website goes to great pains to point out that they are an "award-winning" website. Yet, it's harder than Chinese arithmetic to find the status of a technical ticket, or even how to submit one. Everything is geared around "order support", it seems. So, which frackin' award is given for the "most obtuse technical support website by an internet retailer of computers?" No, really. I'm asking.

Oh! Here's the best part...I just got off the chat (after another 45-minute go-round with the "all agents are busy" crap) with a friendly fellow named Harshit, who informed me that my dispatch for the replacement drive had been cancelled due to some internal data faults. He's promising to re-create the dispatch for me. Yippee.

I'll tell you what. I'll believe it when I have the replacement drive in my hands.